If something seems amiss in your sexual relationship with your partner, it’s possible that he is compulsively using internet porn or sexual connection with others in a destructive way. There are warning signs you might see if your partner is having a problem with sexually compulsive behavior:
1. He may spend a lot of private time on his computer, his phone or at work. Working long hours could be a cover for compulsive viewing of internet porn. When you notice your partner is on the computer, he may turn it off or flip to another page. He may set up secret or hidden email accounts. He also may hide his cell phone to avoid your detection of his phone calls or text messages.
2. In general, his demeanor may change. You may notice that he’s acting differently. He may become more secretive, private, unreliable, critical or irritable. He might not be as social as he used to be and there may be unexplained absences. You may feel like you just don’t get straight answers anymore.
3. You may experience a lack of connection and intimacy. Your partner may not seem available to you and you may feel he’s avoiding you. He seems tuned out or lost.
4. Your sexual interactions with your partner may change. Your partner may become uncharacteristically, demanding or rough sexually. He may require more and more stimulation or he may become unresponsive sexually and cease initiating sex. He may develop a preference for masturbation.
5. His relationship to his body may change. He may become overly concerned with his penis — with caring for, touching, adjusting his pants, or exposing his anatomy.
6. Money might become an issue in your relationship. If he is spending money on porn, prostitutes, or other illicit sexual activities there may be a lack of funds or unexplained expenses.
7. He may be sexually unfaithful . Not every sexual betrayal is a sign of sexual addiction, however, if your partner is engaging sexually with another or others and is not stopping, even if he says he wants to, he probably has an issue with sexual compulsivity.
Unfortunately, there is no magically revealing or definitive list that will let you know without question that your partner has an issue with sex addiction. You may see all of these signs, other signs, or none of them. These behaviors could point to other addictions or other issues or they could point to an affair.
However it is true that if your partner’s sexual behaviors are causing stress to your relationship, to his connection to friends and loved ones or to his work then sexual addiction could be a problem. If his instinctive desire for sexual activity is overriding his capacity to regulate those impulses in a way that is preventing connection and intimacy, then there is a problem.
The difficulty with any addictive behavior is that ultimately it does not provide the desired relief or reward. The addiction creates an internal war. Life does not work. Ultimately you can never get enough of what won’t satisfy you.