7 Signs Your Partner Is A Sex Addict


bigstock-XXX-Sex-Industry-Concept-Grung-15764462If something seems amiss in your sexual relationship with your partner, it’s possible that he is compulsively using internet porn or sexual connection with others in a destructive way. There are warning signs you might see if your partner is having a problem with sexually compulsive behavior:


1. He may spend a lot of private time on his computer, his phone or at work. Working long hours could be a cover for compulsive viewing of internet porn. When you notice your partner is on the computer, he may turn it off or flip to another page. He may set up secret or hidden email accounts. He also may hide his cell phone to avoid your detection of his phone calls or text messages.


2. In general, his demeanor may change. You may notice that he’s acting differently. He may become more secretive, private, unreliable, critical or irritable. He might not be as social as he used to be and there may be unexplained absences. You may feel like you just don’t get straight answers anymore.


3. You may experience a lack of connection and intimacy. Your partner may not seem available to you and you may feel he’s avoiding you. He seems tuned out or lost.


4. Your sexual interactions with your partner may change. Your partner may become uncharacteristically, demanding or rough sexually. He may require more and more stimulation or he may become unresponsive sexually and cease initiating sex. He may develop a preference for masturbation.


5. His relationship to his body may change. He may become overly concerned with his penis — with caring for, touching, adjusting his pants, or exposing his anatomy. 


6. Money might become an issue in your relationship. If he is spending money on porn, prostitutes, or other illicit sexual activities there may be a lack of funds or unexplained expenses.


7. He may be sexually unfaithful . Not every sexual betrayal is a sign of sexual addiction, however, if your partner is engaging sexually with another or others and is not stopping, even if he says he wants to, he probably has an issue with sexual compulsivity.


Unfortunately, there is no magically revealing or definitive list that will let you know without question that your partner has an issue with sex addiction. You may see all of these signs, other signs, or none of them. These behaviors could point to other addictions or other issues or they could point to an affair.


However it is true that if your partner’s sexual behaviors are causing stress to your relationship, to his connection to friends and loved ones or to his work then sexual addiction could be a problem. If his instinctive desire for sexual activity is overriding his capacity to regulate those impulses in a way that is preventing connection and intimacy, then there is a problem.


The difficulty with any addictive behavior is that ultimately it does not provide the desired relief or reward. The addiction creates an internal war. Life does not work. Ultimately you can never get enough of what won’t satisfy you.



18 thoughts on “7 Signs Your Partner Is A Sex Addict

    1. Compulsion Solutions Post author

      Joe, Good to hear from you. It’s not true that women escape sex addiction. But, it’s mostly men. The women we work with here at Compulsion Solutions are, mostly, love and fantasy addicts. The world is changing rapidly, however. Sadly, we’re starting to get more calls from women who are addicted to porn and hook up sites. Thanks for asking the question.

      Best, George

  1. Katie

    I have a boyfriend he is a truck driver and who I believe is bisexual or is hiding it. The reason I say this is because he has many toys around the house including a blow up doll and seems very moody. He also and I’ve gotten ahold of his phone and seen messages from him to other guys about meeting up for sexual in counters including pictures of him and other men’s penises and I’ve also seen his email where he is messaging guys in Craigslist responding to their ads I need to know what I can do to confront him or help to cope with this. I have two children that aren’t his living with us and need some advice I am at my breaking point

    1. Compulsion Solutions Post author

      Katie, Best if you call here or get some other professional help. This sounds like a serious situation that needs immediate attention. I’d be happy to talk to you about how to move forward.

      Best, George Collins, Director
      (925) 932-0201

  2. leslie

    My husband wants sex EVERY night before bed and honestly I am not always in the mood. We get into so many disagreements because I may fall asleep majority of the time. Although he makes sure that he gets his, while I’m sleep on my side, he pulls my pants/underwear down and have sex with me. It messes up my sleep every night and he has the nerve to ask me how was my sleep. He’s never sleeped around on me so I just need to know, is there an issue with his sex habits? Mind you, some nights he have to watch porn when he’s sexing me while mI sleep. Please help because divorce is not an option.

    1. Compulsion Solutions Post author

      Leslie, Your case sounds extreme. Your husband is probably using sex with you as a “stress reliever” or coping strategy. He needs to talk to us or a professional and/or get our books, “Breaking the Cycle” or “A Couples Guide to Sexual Addiction.” In those books we talk about WHY men want so much sex and WHAT ELSE to do with that energy (besides keeping your wife up at night). Please have him call me if he’d like some answers. I’m happy to explain this to him in a brief phone session.
      Best, George Collins, Director (925) 932 0201

  3. Charlotte

    If a spouse is hiding his porn from his wife and employer by using an alias (this person is a federal agent) would it be fair to say this person is addicted? He is even buying porn and possibly backing it up for other men. The backup CDs show women being degraded and slapped.

    1. Compulsion Solutions Post author

      Charlotte, Yes, this IS sexual addiction. For sure. Give us a call. We’ll support you. And, we’ll help your spouse heal. You can also get our book, A Couple’s Guide to Sexual Addiction. That will help you see the truth of your situation. We’re here when you need us. Best, George

  4. Markus Bigham

    I have had a problem for many years with sexual addiction. Always women never ending in a second by second encounter, looking for a fix that could satisfy me but it never did. I was addicted to sexual activity but I am healing. I was hooked on every type and I don’t need to list them. I lived a very
    disgusting, shameful and damaging life. I hurt everyone I know because of the deception and now my wife hates me. My child saw a text on my phone and my life became an open book to my spouse. I am healing and I have to thank George for his book, I know the book saved my life! I am healing and feel so much better about myself and who I am. I no longer live in daily shame, a lie, nor am I controlled by my damn past. I highly recommend the book -read it in one sitting and get engaged with their group–They saved my life and possibly my marriage. Thank you George and James!

  5. mary lou

    So i would like to ask and share my story.
    My girl friend.were a gay couple . First of all she is a alcoholic shez now in Rehab but every time she drinks she does sexual acts has had random sex in a park with a stranger. Had random sex in a car with someone that took her home. When she drinks she has tryed touching my friends privite parts and. Engages sexaul acts 90 percent of the time when drunk. sober i never noticed any. Sexual acts she had control but i dont knw where her mind could have been thu. Her therapist said shes not a sex addict but i really considered it of course alcohol. Started it but it was the only thing on her mind. I felt its a real big problem. She asked to buy sex toys and i never really did. I kinda also felt. She need that penatration and maybe thats y she went out to look for it when we had problems she most of the time. Shes gay not bisexual. Would do it with males so i go into her past she was sexual very young with a male family member i recently found out. So my question is due to all thoose acts could. She have. A sex problem as well as a alcohol problem. This is all tuff to share but i would like another opion i dont think her theeapist really knws all shes sexaully done. Ty for reading

  6. Nicole

    My husband confessed he was a sex addicted after I caught dirty emails between him another woman. This is the second time. The first time was with a client of his and I left after I found they were still talking on the phone. He confessed that he fantizes about others. He watches a lot of porn, and he prefers masturbation well he doesn’t a lot. He told me that he Keeps telling him self be was going to stop with the porn and masturbation and dirty talk but can’t. He when I came back things were great and now that I found the emails my world has been rock considering our 5yr anniversary is Friday. He is my high school sweetheart. What should I do

  7. Linda

    My husband is 59 a truck driver who works till all hours of the night (local driver) is it possible that he could have a sex addiction if he has diabetes high Blood pressure and he can have sex three times in an hour then wake up have sex then masturbate in the shower I believe he does, he double talks me, and manipulation me too with his answers. I have found him looking at porn on occasion please help me

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