Maybe porn stopped working. You need more of it, or something further out than you used to need, and it still doesn't land the way it once did — and some part of you is more unsettled by that than by the habit itself.
Or maybe you've already said it. I'm done. You've said it before, and meant it, and it didn't hold, and now you're not sure whether the problem is the porn or you.
Neither of those means what you're afraid it means. Needing more to get the same effect is one of the most ordinary things that happens to heavy users — it is a shift in what your brain has come to expect, not a verdict on your character. (We've written about the dopamine side of that if you want the mechanism.) And saying "I'm done" without it sticking is not so much a failed attempt as the ordinary shape of stopping. Read the comments underneath this article — there are nearly two hundred of them, going back to 2013 — and you will find the same people saying it three and four times before anything changes.
You don't have to decide today whether you're an addict. That word stops a lot of people at the door, and it isn't the useful question anyway. The useful question is smaller and harder: is this costing you more than you want to pay?
What follows is one man's account of the six months after he stopped, in his own words. It's here because people kept asking whether it is actually worth it, and he answers that better than we can. And if you came here counting days — a week, a month, three months — what people describe at each stage is further down this page.
You don't have to be a slave to porn. Below (from one of our amazing clients) are 6 things in your life that get better after you quit porn. You can do it too.
Six months ago, my entire day revolved around porn. It was ruining my relationship. It was getting in the way of my goals and plans. It just had to stop, so I embarked upon a path to give up my porn obsession. I called Compulsion Solutions because I had decided that it was time to get help with porn addiction and grow up. Now I can undoubtedly say: Life is better.
I know that when you first give up any addiction, it can be difficult to be optimistic. If you're in the beginning stages of giving up a vice, there are days when you are going to hate it. So I want to share some of the things you get to look forward to when you finally kick that crap to the curb...
1. You suddenly have more time in your day.
What do you want to accomplish in your life? Do you want to learn another language? Finish reading the Harry Potter books? Learn to cook? Build a birdhouse? Do you want to become a professional basketball player? Make some extra money? Visit France? Shake hands with Obama? Earn a promotion? Get a girlfriend? Start a band? Lose weight?
Well, guess what! Giving up porn can give you back the time that you've been missing. When I was using, I would find myself watching porn for hours at a time. Add it all up over a week and I had a part-time job watching porn. The only thing it paid me was shame and regret. Things were always getting done at last minute, I was often late for work or meeting with friends, and my apartment was always a mess.
Take porn addictions out of the equation and suddenly I had a huge chunk of time that I could put toward all those things I wanted to accomplish. The laundry, dishes, and vacuuming all got done in a day. I was able to concentrate on improving myself instead of hurting myself. My homework and assignments were all getting handed-in on time. And just recently, I ended up with a 90% average in school. I also won a small scholarship for having the highest grades in my program. I added more to my writing and multimedia portfolio than I thought possible.
The best part is, all the new skills, goals and accomplishments suddenly become your focus throughout your day instead of videos of naked people. You have to hide your porn use, but your new job/skills/car/girlfriend/etc. — Those are all things you get to be proud of.
2. You start to like yourself. (So do other people.)
This all ties into the new skills and hobbies you develop. The most amazing writer, David Wong, of Cracked.com said it best: "You can't bullshit yourself into being happy."
If by the end up the day, all you've accomplished is a few deposits into the spank bank and you look around to see that your place is still a disaster, what is there to feel happy about? Well, that's the problem.
Human beings generate happiness from accomplishment — even small accomplishments. Instead of letting that mess in your room accumulate, clean it up and you can smile and say: It's so much nicer in here. Oh hey! That's where my cat was hiding. From there, you can carry that effort into other things that make you happy.
Another important side effect from giving up porn is that,other people will like you for it.
Once you give up your porn addictions, you suddenly become the type of person employers want to hire, the type of friend people want to have, and the type of guy that girls want to date. It's only natural.
Productive members of society just get more respect and admiration from people because they're just more fun to be around. You learn that you didn't need to win a gold medal, have lots of money, or be a movie star for people to like you. You just had to accomplish a few small things to become the person that people wanted to be around. An effort at anything is usually enough to make you feel much better about yourself.
3. Sex starts to feel real again.
As Gary Wilson of yourbrainonporn.com says: "Sex is not the same thing as porn." It's the same way that playing Call of Duty on Xbox isn't the same thing as going to war in Afghanistan.
When I was using, I would look forward to porn, but I would dread sex. Sex with my girlfriend felt like a chore. It wasn't her fault. I would avoid sex because I had trained my brain to look for porn for arousal. So, when it came time to satisfy my girlfriend, it just emphasized the distance I had created between us.
It didn't happen right away, but after a short time, I started to desire her touch again. I didn't have to distance myself from intimacy or passion. Porn doesn't have those things. Porn obsession lets you dismiss it when you notice a small imperfection and move on to the next video. It creates a desire for an unrealistic sex life that would never, ever satisfy anyone. It is also something that I'd project onto myself. I'd think I'd have to be built, or hung to be desired in such a way.
Leaving it all behind made me start to notice my girlfriend again and love her for who she was. It made me stop objectifying other girls as well.
Have you noticed that girls don't want to spend time around you? I sure did. They were put off by my crudeness — and I don't blame them.
4. You finally get to stop lying.
Living with a sexual compulsion was like having a double life. I constantly worried about being caught again by my girlfriend. I'd obsess about checking to make sure my history was erased and that my cookies were deleted. No matter how many times I would check, I still felt paranoid that might have left a bread crumb somewhere and that would be the end of my relationship. My girlfriend would confront me on things I couldn't explain. She'd always expect something and I'd get mad at her for not trusting me, which was completely stupid because I wasn't trustworthy.
When you live a lie for long enough, you start to convince yourself of it as well — and the more lies you tell, it becomes harder to tell the truth about anything. To overcome this, I had to come clean about my sexual addiction and deceptions to my girlfriend
It was incredibly painful, but after a few months, I can definitely say that it was worth it. I started to tell the truth knowing that my girlfriend could have left me for it, but it turned out that all she ever really wanted was honesty.
Once I decided giving up porn was the best option, I didn't have to hide anymore. If I made a mistake, I could admit to it. I didn't have to pretend to be perfect. So, now when my girlfriend asks me what I did today, I can tell her the unedited version of what I really did. I no longer have to worry about hurting her ever again.
5. You understand what it means to be in control.
We all know that sexual addictions are not limited to porn or sex. The human mind is an amazing thing and it can turn almost anything into a drug. A&E has a show dedicated to people with addictions to everything from alcohol and heroin to food and shopping.
Once I dropped the porn from my daily routine, my brain still wanted the dopamine it was used to. I understand that it is incredibly easy to fall back into the same habit with a whole new fix. But when you apply what you learned from your porn addictions to other aspects of your life, it helps you make the best choices.
If there is one thing I've learned from this journey, it's this: You're an adult now and if you make bad choices, no one is going to stop you. When you're a kid, your parents limit the time you spend watching TV, they make you eat your vegetables before dessert, and you had to clean your bedroom if you wanted your allowance.
Well, you're all grown up now. Are you going to eat McDonald's every day? Are you going to rack up your credit cards until you're bankrupt? Are you going to drink until you throw up each night?
If you do, no one will stop you. They may say to you, “Hey Mike, you might want to cut back on the pizza.” But no one will physically stand in your way. If you keep calling Domino’s, they will keep delivering.
Porn addicts are certainly an example of this. There is a chance that no one will know you're addicted to it. The only one who can stand in your way is you. I learned to think of all the consequences. I learned to ask myself, do I need this much of this? Is this the best decision? How will this affect me tomorrow? I'm not saying that I obsess over it, but it's up to me to be my own best friend. That's what an adult does.
6. Things seem possible again.
When I was using porn. It was my crutch. Had a bad day = porn. Fight with a girlfriend = porn. Bored = porn.
Things just seemed too damn hard when I was on it. I've used the example of my messy apartment a few times, so here it is again. It's hard to imagine what was really stopping me from just getting up and doing the dishes each day. Now it's no surprise.
Add up all the previous points on this list and there was a guy who:
Didn't do anything with himself
People didn't want to be around him
Was afraid of intimacy
Was living a lie
Had no self-control.
It's no wonder life felt so difficult each day. I wanted an excuse to watch porn so I'd look for reasons to feel tired, stressed, and overwhelmed.
Once I gave up porn, after a while, I gained the perspective that life really isn't that bad. Yes, bad things do happen. Things can be tough, but when I'm looking for a crutch every time things don't go my way, then I see how I'm missing out on the good things.
I've been without porn for six months and I now:
Work hard at my job and school and have acquired many more useful skills that I'm proud of
I'm the type of person people want to have around
I love intimacy and sex with my girlfriend again
I'm up front and honest
I do my best to control myself and make the right decisions
All of these are things I wanted to accomplish, all things I wanted to become. I know I can do them. I don't have to feel held up by anything because life doesn't feel so heavy anymore. Life feels like it is worth living.
I truly believe that life will only continue to get better from here and it can be the same way for you. If you find yourself exhausted and overwhelmed as you just begin to get counseling for porn addiction, then know that this is what you have to look forward to.
Recognize that there will be slip ups, problems, and roadblocks along the way, but you're trading a bunch of pixels of naked people on a computer monitor for real life with happiness, success, and freedom. Never forget that.
What people describe, stage by stage
One thing has to be said before any of this, because it is the part most articles leave out: nobody has properly measured this. The most rigorous study anyone has run on stopping followed 176 regular users for seven days — not seven weeks, not six months — and found no measurable group-level withdrawal effect at all (Fernandez and colleagues, Archives of Sexual Behavior, 2023). A systematic review by the same group, covering 47 abstinence studies across six different behaviours, concluded that there is "a paucity of prospective studies" in this area (Fernandez, Kuss and Griffiths, Clinical Psychology Review, 2020).
So what follows is not research, and we are not going to dress it up as research. It is what people describe — in the comments on this page, and in our consulting room. The timings vary enormously from one person to the next. Treat the headings below as rough markers, not a schedule: if your week four looks like someone else's month three, nothing has gone wrong. We've set out how long each stage tends to last in more detail separately.
The first few days
The most common thing people describe here is not craving. It is space — an unnerving amount of it. The habit was filling something, whether that was boredom, the end of the working day or the twenty minutes after an argument, and the shape of that gap is very noticeable when nothing goes into it.
Some people describe strong urges immediately. Others describe almost nothing for several days and then get hit later in the first week. Both are ordinary, and the quiet start is not a sign that this will be easy. People also frequently describe reaching for it automatically — hand already on the phone before any decision was made — which is worth noticing rather than treating as a failure.
The first two or three weeks
This is the stage where the comments underneath this article get rawest. One reader wrote simply:
"DAY 14 of no porn… I was so close to relapsing today."
Irritability, restlessness, broken sleep, low mood and a short fuse all come up repeatedly here, and so does anxiety that arrives without an obvious cause. Whether that counts as withdrawal in the clinical sense is genuinely unsettled — the seven-day study above found no group-level effect — but people report it consistently enough that it is worth expecting rather than being blindsided by. If that is what you are in the middle of right now, we've written in more detail about the withdrawal side of this.
This is also the stretch where the images themselves feel most intrusive, and a lot of people find that the most disheartening part, because it feels as though the habit followed them out the door.
Around one month
Two things come up again and again at the one-month mark.
The first is that the intensity has usually dropped. Not to nothing — but the pull tends to become less constant and more situational, attached to particular times of day or particular moods rather than sitting there all the time.
The second is harder to describe, and it worries people more. Not craving, not misery — a flatness. Sex, and sometimes everything else, feels further away than it should. The recovery communities call this the flatline. It has no clinical status, no measured duration, and nobody can honestly tell you how long yours will last. But if you are four weeks in and quietly frightened that something has been permanently broken, you are describing what a great many people at four weeks describe.
This is also the point where the masturbation question stops being theoretical. It is the single most-asked question in the comments on this page, and it deserves a straight answer rather than a slogan, so we've given it one: can you masturbate during recovery?
Around three months
By three months the most common report is that it has stopped being a daily act of will and started being closer to a fact about your life. People describe getting through a whole day without the question coming up at all — which, at week two, would have seemed unlikely.
Two other things tend to surface instead. One is that the feelings the habit was covering are now uncovered: people frequently describe stress, loneliness or anger landing more sharply than they used to, because the thing that blunted them is gone. The other is that a slip at this stage tends to hit harder than an early one, precisely because there is more behind you.
Worth saying plainly: almost nobody who comes back to these comments describes a clean line. They describe a line with breaks in it.
Six months and beyond
The account above this section is from a man six months out, so we will let him speak for himself rather than summarising him.
What we would add is what people tend to say when they write to us later. The change they mention most often is not a dramatic one. It is that the whole subject has stopped taking up room — it is no longer a decision that has to be made every day. Some people do describe changes in desire, and in sex with a partner, somewhere around this stretch; those are the changes we are asked about most and the ones that have been measured least, so we are not going to put a timeline on them. If it is the gains rather than the experience you are after, we've written separately about what people report once they are through this.
And the honest ending: there is no finish line at which this is declared over. People describing it years later still tend to describe it as something they pay attention to, rather than something that was cured.
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196 comments on “6 Things That Get Better After Quitting Porn”
All day I’ve felt horrible because of the previous nights watching and acting out. Tell myself I’m done! Then tonight I start the cycle all over again! Almost always entirely at night.
Tim, Get a free sample of my book, “Breaking the Cycle” by clicking on the picture of the book above and filling in the form. Within a minute (or so) it will be in your inbox. It’s helped MANY people. If you like the sample then get the book itself on Amazon. Give me a call if you have questions.
Best, George Collins, Director
Compulsion Solutions
925-932-0201
Being addicted to porn and not fully being aware that you are. You're losing the very best thing that has come into your life over formulated pixels of naked woman and an ugly false to that's what they really are. Your missing the very most memorable times of your life because you have desensitize yourself from what is real. Get it before you lose her completely. She's rare and your not treating her that way at all. She looks up to you and adores all of the man that you are! If you only knew how she looked at you through her lense, maybe then you'd learn to appreciate only her through your lense. Do something before it's too late.
It's not about the woman though. It's about reclaiming your worth as an individual and in turn improving your relationships with everyone around you. Relationships come and go, the change should be for you and others will benefit, too.
I’m only writing because I’m very annoyed by females being left out inregards to porn viewing. I feel that it’s viewed as an only male issue or habit. I too have been exposed to magazines and videos since if I recall correctly, 3rd grade; I found them on my own. So, it’s solely my fault but it may be the reason I am the way I am meaning very sexual and use to masturbating daily usually with porn if available. I too have created a problem with looking at porn daily and it taking up too much time. I also, looked at crazier sexual acts as the years went on which I like to a degree because I can orgasm more often in a single day but recently I’m completely bored of it. I’m now thinking it’s quite ridiculous to view these sexual acts verses having a great sex life with orgasm included with a girlfriend/boyfriend, partner, lover or husband/wife. Also, I’m bisexual so viewing porn allows that side of me to be soothed since I’m not with a woman nor have ever dated one just had one night stands. So, why am I thinking like this, I always viewed porn because I simply wanted to cum and since that’s usually multiples a day it provided much relief; and being in a relationship hasn’t changed that nor have I ignored their needs. I like sex so it’s an easy for me to do both. I do choose other forms of masturbation but porn usually is easier and super fast but I now realize it’s a problem area that’s gets way worse when I’m stressed but it no longer helps me. And I’m bored by it, I would rather be a participant verses a voyeur and too boot, I’m in a relationship where he lies about his porn viewing and habit. He too suffers from anxiety and started viewing porn very young. So, I’m annoyed with him when I have similar issue and etc. so I’m a hypocrite. Let me be clear, I’m not against porn, I have enjoyed it for years but I’m against the selfishness and the isolation it often creates. A person can simply go to that verses making their partner cum which takes some effort. For example, women are wired differently and our biggest sexual organ is our brains. So, how do men and women unite when we both want the same exact thing....great sex with orgasm that is changed up often and done often if not daily since I believe it’s super bonding for any loving relationship and a great release which helps with feeling calm, satisfied and for me happy. I get depressed when I don’t exercise and orgasm daily this is not new but it’s now being understood. I have had my hormones checked for an imbalance and I have a much higher level of testosterone then most women which may account for my very high sex drive. For me good touch is the glue of any relationship and to be honest it’s a need like water, food, shelter. It’s a beautiful thing and should be honored verses made into something bad or negative. So, porn is an outlet for many, big whoop but what I can say is that for the first time in my life it’s now a problem and maybe I have finally grownup and want to go about my sexual desires and needs in a better, healthier way. Maybe, another topic here is sexual incompatibilities between lovers meaning during the courting phase it’s exciting and the sex seems so important and it’s definitely done more often. Why does the sex decrease to the point of unhappiness and then self care sets in....porn and mastubation. Medically, orgasms create a healthier body, less cancer or no cancer some studies say and as we all know it’s a great release. So, orgasms are key to ones health also the use it or lose it motto comes into play especially for the aging population. Masturbation is healthy and it’s proven to be medically so but it’s the path to it that is in question here. The reality of porn isnt pretty or even exciting but it serves a purpose. So, maybe what needs to be said here is that you should all be masturbating but try to leave the porn out here and there. Use your own imagination, let your fantasies go wild but create them yourself and let them be happening to you verses someone else. It’s ok to orgasm to some wild scenes not all things need to really happen and probably shouldn’t ever happen. The mind is an untapped pool of desires and so maybe telling these men to start by not giving up self care thru masturbating but decrease the porn viewing to do so. People can’t stop wanting orgasms and they shouldn’t but using ones mind verses being lazy and letting porn take that place is a problem. Also, us ladies notoriously don’t orgasm thru penetration unless we are given about 13 minutes of constant attention to all of our sensual zones so with that being said mens orgasm is much shorter, like three minutes so some men may find this annoying or challenging and possibly a chore. But as I have said for years, the couples that cum together stay together. If you aren’t willing to put the time in to give your partner an orgasm then she or he will find another. They will only be so patient and giving for so long. If you prefer your hand over the effort it takes to be in a sexually equally satisfying relationship then maybe porn is for you and that’s ok too but accept it and stop entering relationships which only cause us pain and frustration. So, the true topic of concern isn’t porn use but the reasons why we turn to it verses having intimacy with another human being because that’s the real problem. And why can’t we relax enough to orgasm with another, is it porn or is it society’s constant display of beautiful young fit people. Why can’t we be happy enough with our looks and bodies so that we can fall inlove and stay inlove.....
I hear you and I agree with you on many of the points you make. Many women, like men, use porn and there is not enough discussion about it, especially as it relates to an outlet / "coping mechanism". Like many coping mechanisms porn use can become maladaptive and rather than enhancing sexual experience, it can numb and hinder it. As you said, it's about getting down underneath what part of oneself is afraid of intimacy with another. If you would like to unravel those individual and environmental layers that no longer serve you there is help and you are not alone.
Thank you for your kind reply without judgement. I had great anxiety after I posted my thoughts, feelings and frustrations so much so that I felt highly stressed and embarrassed for days. And I may have been venting a bit and I hope I only helped verses hurt any person. My intentions were good....with that said I see I got a lot of comments which actually added to my anxiety and embarrassment because I can only assume I was misunderstood and it’s negative but I’m open enough to hear all points of view and advice so that I grow since I believe I’m here to learn as well as love. How do I view their comments on my post but stay private? Jane
Thank you Jane
It was refreshing to read the perspective of a woman that struggled with the same issues that men do.
I’m reminded of the saying:
“A problem well stated, is half solved”
Sounds like you and your partner should explore some healthier videos together like four chambers or even make some. only read the first few paragraphs but :* be well
I'm 33 and have never had a girlfriend or had any physical experience. I've watched porn since I was a teenager and I know it's hurt me. I never thought I would ever have sex, let alone kiss a woman. I am told I'm attractive and have my act together, but I have a lot of confidence issues.
Well last night, out of nowhere, I had my first kiss that went into full-blown sex with a woman I've been talking to and hanging out with.
Unfortunately, I had performance problems that I know are based on my years of porn problem. She was satisfied, but that is not how I wanted my first time to go and it was embarrassing.
This was a wake up call. Today, I deleted all the porn on my computer, all the apps on my phone with pictures of women, and all the porn accounts I have online.
I never want to have a repeat of last night again and I want to reset my brain from porn. I can safely say I will not use it anytime soon so I can have enjoyable sex.
I don't need to be contacted. I have the motivation needed to break the habit. I just want to warn whoever reads this to stop watching porn because it is hurting you in ways you won't know until it does.
John, Thanks for sharing your story. I'm sure that it will help others. Let me know if you ever need more help. You can get a free sample of my book, "Breaking the Cycle" by filling in the form on the sidebar at the top of this page. Stay ON your case.
Best, George Collins, Director
925-932-0201
Deep exhale. I just stumbled on to this and am wondering if I will get a response.
I’m 65 and have masturbated everyday for over 53 years normally at least morning and at night. I have been hooked on porn since finding a roadside stash on my paper route at 12. I can’t stop. I’m amazed and almost wished my little pecker would have fallen off after all the abuse. It has ruined my life and yet truthfully it’s often the two best moments of every day. I have a 45 year old daughter, a 21 year old grandson, a 91 year old mother, 4 siblings and there’s no way I’m voluntarily coming clean. It’s too late for that. I know how pathetic it looks and hope to be free some day. I have tried. I also know it requires trusting someone and hopefully that will happen soon. The most tragic in all of my years of sin and rebellion is knowing the truth and not having fully repented. Whatever you love more than God..is an idol.
I GET what you're saying. I too suffered from the same issues before I turned my life around. Why don't you go to the top of this page and fill out the form so you can get a free sample of my book, "Breaking the Cycle." It's what worked for me and can, probably, work for you too. And, you can give me a call and we'll do a free assessment of your situation. It's NOT too late. What we do here WORKS.
Best, George (Director, Compulsion Solutions)
925-932-0201
Steve...I had the porn problem for 40 years...I came out allready..first find a person to share about your captivity..then make a massive effort like never before...when I quitted..I went through panic attacs, anxiety and depression for 2 months...but I am over....you can do it my brother..I encourage you with all my heart..
When I read your story, I was reading mine. I am 31 years old and I have never had a girlfriend. I have loved girls to whom I have never been able to say anything, out of fear, shame, I don't know.
I always find myself less than others. I almost let pornography rob me of twenty years of my life, until I was selfish. I don't even think it's out of selfishness, I would say out of a lack of personal love. I'm making a decision to stop all this waste.
I do stop it for while like for months and after a while i will begin again and am just like well its nothing . But am scared cos i know it is hurtin me and my health .
Ed, Good to hear from you. Fill out the form in the sidebar at the top of this page and send for the free sample of my book, "Breaking the Cycle." If you'd like to call and talk to me, DO that. This CAN be just a bad memory if you take action.
Best, George (Director)
925 932 0201
My names Paul and I'm 17 yrs old, I recently just quit watching porn and it's really hard on me but I'm still hanging on ,this is gonna be like a week that I haven't watched porn...Any time I feel that urge to watch porn I normally jus listen to music ..buh I noticed da its really hard not to because I suddenly start to feel anxiety and sadness buh I always tell myself I don't have any reason to be sad
Paul, Good to hear from you. You can find answers to your porn addiction by sending for a free sample of my book, "Breaking the Cycle." Just put your name and email in on the sidebar at the top of this page and it will get to you within a minute. You can also call and talk to me if you'd like. You can beat this thing.
Best, George (Director)
925-932-0201
I admit - ashamedly - to watching porn occasionally. And by occasionally, I honestly mean no more than an hour per week - I’m too busy with work and other things for more than that. I don’t enjoy watching it, but as a man to whom no woman could ever be sexually attracted, there is no point in trying to find someone to have a genuine relationship with. She doesn’t exist, so it will never happen. I’m 43 and haven’t been hugged - even once - in 12 years - and I have never been on a date, never had sex and never kissed a woman. I work out 3-4x per week, take care of myself and climb waterfalls as a hobby. I have a great well-paying job in a respected profession and own several properties debt-free. I mention these things in case someone thinks I’m some slob living in my parents’ basement. Nope. Whatever other guys have that attracts women to them sexually I do not have. The sensations I feel watching porn are the closest I will ever be to experiencing actual intimacy because no woman could ever want me for me because I am fundamentally unattractive.
Paul, Women are not JUST attracted to physically handsome. Really. I'm no prize and I've got one. My guess is that there is also something going on with you psychologically that keeps you from believing that you are an "attractive" man. Give me a call if you'd like to talk about this a little bit.
Hi Paul, don't say that. You are an amazing and accomplished man. I have the same problem as you. I am 19 years old, and I think I am very accomplished for my age as well. With that said, my sister told me that the only reason I have never had a girl-friend is because I do not put myself out there. If I were to put myself out there and clearly explain my intentions to an attractive lady, then I would at least have a chance at getting her number. Worst case scenario, you fall flat on your face and the woman rejects you. You know what happens, you gain more experience and resilience. I've been rejected like 5 times in the past year. Just look at all the life-long failures of Abraham Lincoln. He failed so many times and ended up becoming successful.
“My great concern is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with your failure.” – Abraham Lincoln
Have a great day and keep your head up. Many people see well past the surface. 🙂
Women can sense that you like porn and that to you they are not worth the risk of rejection. We understand under any relationship difficulty you will make an excuse to use porn and give up on us. We don't want to tie ourselves down to a one sides deal.
I want to speak about my experience with porn addiction, specifically, to those men in a serious relationship or those contemplating a serious relationship. I've been with my girlfriend for ten years, we'd probably be married long ago if it weren't for my porn problem. She is WAY out of my league physically, emotionally, mentally and morally and has the patience of a saint. I won her heart because she believed me to an honest and sincere man and valued that above all else, and I have rewarded that trust with a decade of heartache. She gave her love to me completely with only two conditions (always be honest, don't use porn). No problem, I told myself, I've won the lottery and don't want anyone else but her... at least not in real life. To me porn didn't really count, I used to think it was just harmless fantasy. I have never been more absolutely wrong about anything. It's cheating if your committed partner says it is. Period. It's definitely cheating if you have to lie about it. I lied repeatedly (NEVER LIE!) and argued for years and did anything to avoid the shame of dragging the issue into the light. I don't believe I'm a pervert or deviant and I'm not even a frequent user, but I want you to know that is completely irrelevant, the trajectory is such that porn can cause major issues in your life. Denial about addiction can and will destroy you. The bottom line: If your woman is not 100% OK with your porn use (please have the guts to ask her about porn if you use it and haven't discussed it with her), if you need to hide it from her or do anything outside of being 100% completely open and honest about it, it can become a huge problem and YOU COULD BE SETTING YOURSELF UP FOR A WORLD OF PAIN. In a committed relationship, both parties have the right to decide what is and isn't ok regarding porn use. I ignored this basic truth at OUR peril and the consequences have been extreme. It took ten years, but I've slowly destroyed her beautiful soul, along with our sex-life. Conflict has ruined many vacations and holidays and caused us to retreat from quality time with friends and family. I've made my drop-dead beautiful "10" of a girlfriend, who put all of her trust in me, insecure to the point where she has issues with self-esteem and does not feel "good enough." She frequently thinks I'm checking out other women right in front of her. I'm not. But it doesn't matter, lying in one area equates to distrust in all others. THE ENDGAME IS THAT YOU WILL EVENTUALLY BE SOLELY DEFINED BY YOUR PORN USE, the other 99% of your life won't matter, your good deeds won't matter, you're expressions of love won't matter, and if you repeatedly lie about porn, your words won't matter. You will feel intense shame, guilt and self-loathing and you will severely damage the one you love most. Please stop to consider this. I'm not an idiot. I'm a capable, generally caring human... but I fell prey. Porn may not be damaging to all relationships, but guys, if you CARE AT ALL, please discuss porn with your girlfriend from the very start, PLEASE LISTEN TO HER VIEWS ABOUT PORN, SET BOUNDARIES AND HONOR HER WISHES AND CONCERNS 100% and if you are not man enough to adjust your behavior to suit her needs, get help or walk away. You will save yourself unspeakable heartache. In my experience, porn use, and especially dishonesty about using it can take you to places with your partner you do not want to go.
You know you have a problem if you find yourself arguing with a woman you love that your porn use doesn't have any real world consequences. It does. Don't kid yourself. I haven't even touched on the damage the porn industry does to countless young women, which in and of itself is a compelling enough reason not to use it. This is not the man I thought I was or who I want to be. I am finally at a place where porn disgusts me and I have no desire to use. I'm trying to repair the damage I've done, but it may be impossible. It's my sincere hope this cautionary tale helps someone to avoid the path I've taken.
Well said my friend. My answer: Get help as SOON as you can. As Ted suggests, don't wait ten years until AFTER your relationship is destroyed and your partner devastated to get help. We're here. My book details MY struggle. GET THIS DONE. Just call me and change your life......for the (way) better.
Hi,
I’m a 20 year old university student who’s been in a serious committed relationship for the past 14 months and see myself marrying this woman. Embarrassed to admit I have watched porn for several years and over the pandemic not being with her for almost 8 months it has been a large problem and ruined me.
I’m in fear of losing the love of my life.
Recently, while having intercourse I went soft and had no explanation for it.
I’m a few weeks clean and still feel the same. I’m seeking answers, I want to be better, I want to be 100% aroused by my girlfriend again, I want to be the man of her dreams. I’m turning to someone for help
Evan, It seems as though you are suffering from PIED (porn induced erectile dysfunction). It's quite common nowadays. I'd be happy to talk to you about your situation and remedies. Give me a call. Leave a message if you don't catch me and I'll get back to you promptly.
Best, George (Director)
925-932-0201
Hello, I stopped porn 8 months ago but I have been plaqued with stress & anxiety & anger ..doesn't seem to get any better I am afraid..leon
Leon, Great job in stopping porn. Give me a call and we'll see if we can get you to stop being so anxious. You've made a great start. Now it's time to SEE and clean up the "demons" that CAUSED the porn addiction.
Best, George (Director)
925-932-0201
Hi! I’ve been using porn for a long time, and i think it’s about time that I quit. However, I’m in a time of my life where I’m not meeting many girls especially because of covid so I’m wondering if I can still masturbate, and if so, how often? If not then that’s fine, I just want to know what is the right way to do this.
John, Why not give me a call and I can talk to you a bit about the best way to have "healthy masturbation." Let me know some good times for you if I can't answer.
James, The answer is: BIG TIME. PIED (porn induced erectile dysfunction is the clinical term). Give me a call if you'd like to talk further about this.
Best, George (Director)
925-932-0201
Hey man. Just read your post, it was very helpful thanks for writing it. I want to have a 1 on 1 conversation with you though. Recently I decided to have a social media detox and do semen retention. So far so good, but I'd like to talk on a few things especially because of covid and talking to women during the pandemic.
My husband and I have been together since I was 13 and I am 24 now and he is 25. I remember the first time I found porn on his phone or computer was before he was even 18. & just about every year several times a year I have continued to have suspicions and find it again. For the past almost two years I feel like I'm with an emotionless, selfish, distant stranger. He used to not leave a room if something was wrong with me until we talked it out and fixed it. Now he don't even care. When I used to catch him lying about porn he would apologize and say how it won't happen again (lie). Now if I find it he says if he wants to watch some porn that he can and will and that there's nothing wrong with it. & I have even broke down to him multiple times and explained to him exactly why it bothers me and why I want him to just stop watching it. He has never been so cold and hateful towards me and not be considerate of my feelings. We have a 5 year old son and a 3 year old daughter and I'm trying for them but there's no intimacy, passion, affection between us no more. It's like it's a problem if I try to hug him or kiss him. Or if I'm even in the same room sometimes. He even looked at a picture of some blonde headed skinny girl in a soccer uniform with super short shorts while we was getting "sex" started. It's like he has to look at other girls to get an erection. There's no kissing during sex anymore. He keeps his eye's closed pretty much the entire time. There's been 2 times before that he told me if I wanted to have sex that we would have to have some porn playing or he wouldn't be able to get an erection or keep it. That was about one of the biggest heart drops I had ever felt. I'm your wife and if you love me like I love you, you shouldn't need to be watching porn period and you should be able to perform just fine without a fake video with dramatic reactions and unrealistic expectations. He won't even pay attention to me during sex. I feel used when we have sex. & It's pretty miserable boring unsatisfying sex bc there's no love, no passion or intamacy. He says he'd rather watch porn bc he doesn't wanna have to have the "stress" of having to worry about making sure I get done and do all that "hard work" when we can just watch porn and get done and worry about just himself. He said I make it a problem by reacting how I do to his porn use and getting upset about it that I make it a problem. That my way of thinking and how I feel about it and how he makes me feel about it isn't right or how I should think. That it's all my problem and my fault for it to even be a problem because I can't just be okay with it. Look at where porn got us. Lying, secrets, porn replacing me. It's made him so damn different and just does not give a crap about me anymore. & I told him I feel unwanted. That's my problem too. & the porn is also a problem because according to him I only don't like it because I'm insecure. & If I have become a little insecure it's because of his continued porn use and looking at other girls on the phone to be able to have sex with me. I know that was long but I haven't been able to talk to anyone about this and I'm so stressed and heartbroken and just don't know how to get him to understand and realize how the porn is why he is how he is. I'm about to just come to the conclusion that maybe a divorce is my only option. Please help me. I have a little girl and boy that I don't want to grow up to seeing his porn when they're teenagers and accidently find it and then boom they start getting addicted to it. Or thinking that this type of marriage we have is healthy or okay. It's not.
First of all, it's important to know that what is happening to you is not your fault, it's his. He's making lots of excuses because he hasn't confronted how wrong it is. One of the first steps to fixing his problem is to first admit that he has a problem and that the problem is bad. Without that, he is going to continue to spiral downward like I did. It probably would be helpful to be understanding with him and get him some resources in a non-threatening way. He is addicted. He needs help with it and if you help him, then he is extremely lucky to have you and hopefully once he recovers you both know you will be with each other through anything. That's a strong bond.
I am so sorry to hear this! You deserve better! My husband and I have been going to therapy since I found out about porn use. He reads books and works hard to address the issue. He put software on his devices for a year to prove he was not using porn....he has been reassuring and loving a d committed and he is sorry. You deserve validation. I am so sorry your husband has been hijacked by such a foul problem in our culture. Please do not subject yourself to his terrible invalidation. It is not okay. You deserve better.
Sir，i have got something really important to tell you. Last year was the first time I eve r told a girl that I lived her ok. I loved this girl so much that we was totally in my head. So I decided to quit watching porn as it would mean lack of commitment.I was successful for 3 months. I told my friends about my decision and they really didn't like it. They started seeing me like a strange physco. They told me that it was childish to quit porn and those who quit porn are losers. They enciuraged me to start watching again. After this the urge came again. I would watch porn, mastrubate and then feel guilty of it. It felt like I was cheating the love of my life. I even took a blade to my hand for this. I thought " If I'm doing something wrong, I should surely get punished. So why not punish myself?" Now I have almost a dozen cuts on my body. I really want some help. I can't call you sir, I don't want any of my family members to know about it. The part that hurts me most is that my mom sees me as her hero. One day she told me" I know that your brother will watch porn but I'm a 100% sure that you would never do it. I can bet my life on it" . I didn't know what to say. I feel like a monster. Please get my out of this sir. Please help. I tried to find apps to block porn sites, but I could find any. I can't share my problem with anyone else too. Please help..
V8, Great to hear from you. You do need to get some help from a trained professional about self harm. You don't need to punish yourself. Get a hold of my book, "Breaking the Cycle" at Barnes and Noble stores or amazon.com. You can read it, follow the instructions and porn will just be a bad memory. It's how I stopped porn and got a great life. Give me a call if you need more support. (925) 932-0201
I lost my virginity in February. After years (from 11 to 17) of pornography here it was: the real thing. It was amazing and my girlfriend and I grew incredibly close...but I still felt unsatisfied. I quickly spiraled even further down in my addiction, searching for fulfillment or even a quick fix. My grades were slipping, my ability to be productive sucked and my friends started to withdraw from me. I've lost one friend entirely because I was constantly flirting and trying to manipulate her into wanting me. I was just so sick. I've spent this summer working on myself, but sometimes it feels like if I could just scratch that itch one more time... I think what's worse is that the few friends I've gone to for support don't take my addiction seriously because I'm a girl.
Dani, Good to hear from you. Please feel free to give me a call regarding flirting and intrigue (flirting with intention). We have help here at Compulsion Solutions for you.
I've been on this downward slide ever since middle school. i'm 38 now. it sucks and I WANT to stop or my wife, my daughter, and my family- and most importantly myself. I need help. I need to stop. just can't figure it out. I was hit by a car and had a head injury when I was 9-and I think it has a HUGE part in it. my wife knows about it. so it's ok. but I want to stop. what can I do? please help!! need to kick this habit and send it straight to hell where it belongs..
this does not apply to me for one I only do it an hour before bed so it does not consume my life I never had a girlfriend so this is providing needed relief that I otherwise could not get unless I paid an escort and I haven't had sex in years so it has no effect on sex because I don't have sex for it to effect I still clean my house and I never had an interest in hobbies without porn I would just be playing video games neither effects work because I work out of necessity bills will always be there regardless of what I think so unless I magically get a girlfriend even though you and I both know that wont happen ill keep watching porn
Hey friend, I was in your shape too. Addicted to porn. Thought no girl world want me. Tough shape. And.....I overcame it. YOU can too. Get a hold of my book, "Breaking the Cycle" if you want to see how it works. Or, give me a call. be happy to get you goin' in the right direction. Really.
Is it okay to watch porn everyone in a while? I gave up watching it 4 months ago and I've been good ever since! A couple times it came across tumblr or my friends joking around. Even though I have things under control, sex life going great, not needing porn to "get off" lately I've had this urge to watch it. What should I do?
Also I'm 23 so this took a lot of self control and dicipline.
Ian, You can't watch porn. It's important that you change OUT the corrupted emotional software that is used to porn. Intimacy with a real live person is the "right stuff." Have you read my book, "Breaking the Cycle?" If not get a free sample of it here. Just click on the Get Started Free button the top of this page. If you want to end the porn cycle forever get the book and read it. It works. Worked for me. If you need more help give me a call, 925-932-0201. We do phone and Skype sessions with men from all over the world. Let me know how it goes.
I am so screwed up and miserable 15 years of this crap!! I hate it I can't even get it ip for sex anymore. I used to have a raging libido. I feel like a shell of a man. My wife hasn't left me yet but she should. I work away in isolated camps it feels impossible to quit there is nothing to do on your 12 hours off but go on the net and jack off to porn. I just can't take it anymore I am starting to come apart. Porn is a monster
Chris, Glad you reached out. Help is here at Compulsion solutions. Do you have my book, "Breaking the Cycle?" You can get the intro and first chapter free if you go to the homepage here and click on "Free help now" just under my picture. It's been the best selling book in it's genre on Amazon for the past five years. It works. And, we back it up with telephone counseling. Read it and give me a call at: (925) 932 0201. Let's get this DONE and out of your life.
i read every comment and found out that i have the same problems.i don't know if i'm addicted or not,but lately i observed that i just want to watch porn every day.i spend 2 hours usually.i think is is a kind of addiction,because you want to do smth every day.i tried to stop.once i did for 1 year or smth.no porn for 1 year,can u imagine that?but then i gave up.i didn't have girlfriend and i had/have urges so i went back to porn.ocasionally i tried to stop,but onlu lasted for weeks or a days.now i think i need to stop for once and all.the reason behind this is of course obvious ones,like decreasing your mental/physical abilities(i used to masturbate every time after watching porn),but also i noticed that there is not the amount of porn which would satisfy me fully.even if i kept watching for hours and hours,it cant fill me up.it kind of has decreased my emotional level and puts me off my studyings.i'm 21,by the way.so now decided not to be a slave,not to live in illusion,not to have control of myself.i'm gonna stop this fucking habit once and for all and i know i can do it.anyone who is reading this post and is in my position,i know you can do it too.this is s daily struggle for sure.just find the reason to stop,because without a reason nothing is done.be strong,be a captain of your soul,be alive and live real life.
thanks the author and everyone who have commented.
This article is about people in relationships watching porn but what about people that aren't in one or that cannot get sex or attract women? I am 49 and a virgin porn is my only release but if I had a choice I would rather have no sexual feelings at all!
Give me a call. I was that guy....like you. Couldn't get "the girl," so I did porn. Be happy to tell you how I got over it. Got a GREAT wife now. Best, George (925) 932 0201
Karl, I will be first to admit that I have only been clean for a week, but man is it freeing! I have twice as much energy, I don't need as much caffeine to get going, Ive had coworkers from my last job, and at my current tell me that I just seem happier and less cranky. I feel like I could take on the world. I know that there is little to no medical evidence of it draining your testosterone.
I know there is going to be in for a drop, where I want to quit, fall off the ball, but I wont, because this addiction was ruining my life, I started looking at porn when I was 10, and did until last week last Friday (I am now 22). I am never going back, please try.
I used to watch porn everyday and did masturbation. And then felt guilty.but I don't know how did I quit. I had tried many times but failed everytime. Now I will never watch again. I feel good and I have lots of time and I watch series and movies . Thank god I became to able to come out of porn addiction
My girlfriend found out I've been lying about porn/trigger pictures/anything associated with masturbating, so we had a huge fight/discussion. Basically, she doesn't trust me, and put the ultimatum that if I do it again I will lose her. I absolutely don't want to lose her, so I've begun this journey to give up porn/masturbating. Things I've noticed these first 7 days is that I am not as sexually attracted to my girlfriend like I once was, I just don't see things as positive anymore therefore I'm depressed, and I'm contemplating my relationship like I never have before. I too have been looking at sex with my girlfriend as more of a chore rather than having an intimate connection. We've been intimate before, so I know there is still something there, but I just haven't been feeling good about us this entire week. Whenever I think deep down I realize how much she means to me, so I don't want to lose her. I still care for her deeply, and I feel horrible for hurting her so much. Is this normal in the "rebooting" process of the brain for me to feel like this in terms of depression, lost sexual attraction to her, and just not being positive?
Yes John. I'm afraid it IS normal...what you're going through. When you do porn you desensitize yourself to "real people." Doing porn feels "easier" than going through the whole process of lovemaking with your girlfriend. It is, however, a disaster because, if you don't recover, your life sentence is to end up alone, in a dark room, with your penis in your hand. Not a very happy thing. And, your self-esteem is tanked, meaning that you'll underachieve and under-earn. Get my book, Breaking the Cycle. Also get our book, A Couples Guide to Sexual Addiction. You can get them at Barnes and Noble or amazon.com. Give me a call if you'd like to talk. We can help you make this just a bad memory.
Hi, John. I just wanted to say you're not alone. My husband has dealt with this for years. For the longest time he was a long-haul truck driver, very isolated and needed something to fill his time/mind, like you. In 2015 he got this book and was "clean" until just this past January, when he slipped up and didn't tell me, headed back down the black hole. He is rereading the book again and I can tell you from a woman's/partner's perspective that all we want is for you to get healthy. At first during the recovery there is a period where he doesn't want to be intimate with me, but we get through it and then things are great again. Another thought to leave you with...I don't know how open you and your partner are, but this really takes a toll on a woman's self-image. I tend to withdraw from my husband at the same time he does and question my worth and attractiveness. Logically I know it's nothing to do with me, but that doesn't make it any easier. Persevere...it WILL get better. This book changed my husband's life.
I gave my husband that I've been with since I was 13 and I'm 24 now the same choice last night. Me and our 2 kids or the porn. His response and he's 25 btw, his response was "You are the only one that makes it a problem by basically just not being okay with it. to sum up everything else he said so this isn't that long is that my views towards porn and how it makes me feel and how it makes me feel to know that he watches it especially when I've caught and asked him not to watch over so many years it's ridiculous. That I'm not open minded. & that it's my own insecurities. That it would be selfish of me to move out and have to come up with a schedule for the kids just bc I find out he is still watching porn. But no I think your the selfish one if your wife and kids aren't enough to make you stop and get help. He also said that I was weak for having this mindset against porn. I told him that no I think you're the weak one bc you can't just stay strong and not look at porn or anything that could trigger you going to porn knowing how much it hurts me and how much of a problem it's causing us that apparently only I can be aware of. & knowing that if he continues to watch porn I will move out and file for a divorce and we will have to co parent and have a schedule with the kids.& He looks at pictures or videos of other girls to be able to get and keep an erection to have sex. At least your willing to try. Willing to get help and obviously care ab your girl. It's like a flip switched in my husband and it's a complete stranger that doesn't love me or care for me and still thinks his manipulation tactics work on me anymore. I am so sorry this is so long but I have been researching everything on this topic for about 2 weeks and haven't talked to anyone but my husband which is basically talking to a wall and I am just slowly dying inside and it's like the porn has him so blind that it's affected him in every way & I just feel alone, not enough, unwanted, unloved, not cared for, used, and it's physically making me sick. I also have suspicions of him cheating and after our 2 kids and a marriage license he finally admits to cheating on me several times and every time it was the same girl. One time I was in the SAME HOUSE and it was mine and his house. They would kiss every time I went to the bathroom and I never knew. How can u do that to someone you love? I could never. I would automatically think about him first and never be able to. I haven't ever cheated on him. I just don't deserve this stranger I don't recognize anymore. I'm just spiraling and can't stop typing because I don't have friends. I just never get to say this to anyone but to myself in my own head. I just can't do it anymore.
Thanks so much for your share. I'm so glad that you are moving on with your life. There is a certain point where you know that "it's time." I would be more than happy to talk to your husband personally should he decide to change his life around. If not, there are LOTS of good men looking for a good woman.
I have to update my earlier response to your post earlier in this blog where I commended you for wanting to try to help him but with this new information of him cheating on your makes my response different. It appears as if he already gave up on the exclusivity of your relationship long ago and used porn to satisfy himself once he wasn't satisfied from you anymore. It's looks like you've been through a lot emotionally and as much as the disruption is going to hurt, its probably worth it to your emotional well being to move on and find a different relationship. It won't be easy but you can do it. Sharing your story helps illuminate to other addicts who need help just how much is at stake and how continuing with the addiction without stopping it causes irreparable harm to the addict's relationships. Thank you for sharing your story and I'm certain any of these readers hope for the best for you and your family.
Girl, I am in the same exact boat. No friends either just me and my man. He used to be my best friend….. before the porn. He won’t even admit he watches it or has a problem it’s freakin ridiculous! Have things got better for you two? I hope so….
I wouldn't personally say that I'm addicted to porn but I watch it every now and then. While I'm watching it, it feels like the greatest thing ever.But when I'm done I feel so dirty,full of regret,worthless.After reading this article I realised that I really need to quit watching porn.I'm 18 years old and I've been exposed to porn since I was eleven.I really hope that I'll be able to turn my life around before it's too late.
Princess, get my book, "Breaking the Cycle" and work it. DO the exercises and learn the tools. Porn will become just a bad memory. You can get it on amazon.com or Barnes and Noble bookstores. Best, George Collins, Director
Well.... Why did it take me this long to find your blog. Firstly, I'll be buying your book tomorrow.
Secondly have spent the best part of 1/2 hour reading this page and the comments, like many others this is the first time I've even written about my problem. And it's been a problem for 21 years. I'm now 40. I am only just realising as I write this, my entire adult life has been consumed by porn I discovered porn when I got my first PC and the internet in 95/96. It transcends relationships - if you let it, it doesn't matter if you are in a relationship with the most sexually attractive person to you... Porn takes over if you let it.
Why? Well that's the big question and I suspect I'll find out in the book. Already from your reading your site, I can tell there is going to be a lot of introspection to be done on my childhood. And for me to say that, at 40 with a 'happy marriage and two kids' is saying something.
So thank you for your site, and I'm looking forward to reading your book.
I'm so very very tired of the cycle. I'm tired Of formatting my iPhone and iPad when I go through a "I'm done with porn" day. Only to start up again from scratch installing everything again having convinced myself this is natural and normal.
It's not though. Some people may look and porn and laugh. Some guys may say "toughen up". But each to their own. My entire adult life has revolved around porn. I feel like I don't really even know how to be a truly strong adult, let alone a family orientated, confident man. Despite this being what the outside world already sees.
It's definitely not what's going on, on the inside.
Shane, Great to see that you are waking up to who you REALLY are rather than the old addictive story of porn. DO the work in the book and porn can be just a bad memory. Hint: Dialogue a LOT. That's what changes your mind. Best, George
Even I watched porn. Although for me it wasn't a addiction though it was more of a problem for me. I would watch porn on the weekends and I would spend 10 hours a week. That would be for every week. It got to a point where I asked myself, " Do I really want to keep watching this. Its not even real and yet single guy, in college, and dont want to be known as "that guy."
3 months ago I met this girl at a football hame and somehow me and her became really good friends. She told me what she was going through and I felt bad so did my best to help her. Me and her are related somehow that we became really close friends. What I noticed was that I wouldn't watch porn and the best part is not even think about it. Now 3 months later and until this day, No Porn, I had to say enough is enough. My grades are all good, spending my time studying and even going to the football games with her. We hang out once a week on the weekends and honestly, really proud of myself. 🙂
Jim, Glad that this relationship is keeping you sober. I would, however, look at why it occurred in the first place. There's a "story" there that would be important to explore. Get a hold of my book, "Breaking the Cycle." That will give you some huge insights. Let me know how it goes. Best, George
I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for two years now. I found out a year ago he watches porn. Ever since I found out about the porn I've done a lot of reading on how best to deal with it. Porn in a relationship is something I cannot understand. For me it has no place. And in order for me to try be ok with something I have to understand it. I have even tried to watch porn myself and I can understand how it is arousing but it's still not something I would actively go search for myself. It's not just porn it's also looking up pictures of naked girls. He searches for pictures and porn 2-3 times a week and when he does search it he spends about 30 minutes to an hour doing so. We have a great relationship in every sense and a great sex life. This is literally the only thing that we don't see eye to eye on and it's getting to the point where it's killing me. He knows how much it hurts me but still carries on saying it's just silly insecurities of mine and it's normal, that all guys do it (as with a lot of the articles on the Internet). Firstly, I've grown tired of the notion that's it's normal. It really bugs me that we have been conditioned to believe that this is totally acceptable behavior in a relationship. Something that women must just accept. Secondly, while there may be an insecurity here and there, for me it goes deeper than that. For me a relationship is physical, emotional and mental - when he is watching porn at that moment it's all about his desire regarding the object he is watching. It's him imagining having sex with someone else. And while it's not physically cheating, for me it is cheating on some level.
Its getting to a point where it's messing up our relationship and I don't want to end a good relationship on every other level over something so stupid that we cannot see eye to eye on. But at the same time I also realise I can't stay in a relationship feeling like this and just pretending it's ok. maybe there is another way to look at this that I am missing - that I haven't read or thought of? I just want to get over this shitty issue in one way or another.
Jessie, This situation won't change unless you do something about it.......like take a stand.....he gets help or you leave. It wont go away on its own. Get your boyfriend to give me a call. Get our books, "Breaking the Cycle" and "A Couple Guide to Sexual Addiction." Don't stay in an addictive situation or you will suffer. Suffering is optional. Give us a call. Best, George 925-932-0201
Thanks for answering some of my virtual question's - questions that use to come in my head. Currently I am also experiencing all those things regarding Porn that you mentioned in this article and I think I am addicted. From last two years I am trying to quit watching porn but I am not able to do it whenever I stop watching porn I feel good for few days or week but suddenly I start feeling heavyness in my mind I feel like I am getting tensed minute by minute and to escape from this situation I choose porn. I am really worried why this is happening to me. I really have respect regarding females and I feel very ashamed because of Porn. Can you just give me an idea regarding how can I be consistent once I stop watching porn.
All I ever read about is how bad pornography is for relationships. But what if you're single and are not in a relationship? I am a successful medical professional, divorced 14 years, raised four kids: my oldest son a college graduate; youngest son an Afghanistan War veteran; two girls, one off to college, the other a senior in HS and my house is meticulously clean and tidy. I have time to do everything I need to and I don't procrastinate or fail to accomplish any objectives. I have a happy and fulfilling life, thank you.
I have not dated since my divorce although I have tried. I am not what you would consider desirable, women are not attracted to me. I never have been and I don't pretend to be dateable. I am what I am, I am single and have no desire to waste my time or money trying to get a date , so what is so wrong with using porn? There are many men who find it hard to find dates, let alone sexual partners, so what are we supposed to do...nothing? You all act as though we/I can just "get a girlfriend." It doesn't work that way.
I find the whole "porn damaging" mantra a bit offensive. Perhaps you should all stop judging those who use pornography as psychological outcasts, as if there is something wrong with us. If you're in a relationship and porn is destroying it then by all means, stop watching porn. For me porn is all I've got so just leave it alone. Not everybody smokes cigarettes, likes to drive fast cars or go to the shooting range so does that mean cigarettes, muscle cars and firearms should no longer exist?
If tried life without porn and you know what it was like...the same thing my life was usually but without any sexual stimulation. So, how is watching porn so harmful?
Destafano, I hear you and, personally, I just found it very lonely sittin' in a dark room masturbating after losing two marriages because of the complications arising from porn, masturbation, objectification, and sexualization. I realized that I couldn't get enough of what would never satisfy me with the porn. Now, I'm not gonna win any "beauty contests" either but there IS someone for everyone. I was determined to find a partner, have a healthy attitude about sex, and experience true intimacy...which I have. I would encourage you to read my book, "Breaking the Cycle." Your issues are addressed in what I've written. If you click on the GET STARTED FREE button on the sidebar on this page, and fill in your info, I'll immediately send you the intro and first chapter of the book for free. See if it speaks to you, then (maybe) get the book. Also, Give me a call if you'd like. I'd be happy to talk to you about our mutual porn and self esteem issues and alternative behaviors.
Best, George Collins, Director
Compulsion Solutions
(925) 932-0201
In the websites" nofap.com and reddit.com" I saw the Idea of the founder of that website who say that masturbation decreases the man testestrone. But here you say that masturbation isn't harmful. Why the ideas are different. In the nofap user so manny people want quite masturbation addiction. They founder of the website say men who dont masturbate for seven days, have 45 percent increas of testestrone. Which idea is true????
There are milions of free porn websites that make it very easy to watch every type of porn. Dont you think it is a great bussiness. If you love people and have the since of loving human, why dont you make the addict books free and why there isn't a free book for quiting porn? What should porn people do in asian countries? Today europeuropians so manny other countris produce porn movies. But how when when people watch and get addicted to them , and what should the poor people who cannot buy a book online or afford that like me do.?? If I am addicted and I cannot find a free book for quiting porn, then what should I do??? I live in Afghanistan and here are thousands addicts of porn with mybe at least 35 milion population. None of them know that porn is addictive. Here the knowledge is that much low that even the doctors don't know porn is addictive. Not only in Afghanistan may be in all asian countries few groups of people may know about porn addiction. Since I am addicted to porn, I saw and searched in the all book stores in the city but I couldn't find the porn addiction book here. Besides I cannot buy the book online either. I am very sad. I really see the pain of addiction and I dont know how to start. Besides I really fell sad for my country people too that none of the porn addicts know they are addicts...
This page is exactly what I need to read today!!! When I first got sober from alcohol about , I scoured the internet for recovery oriented materials and halfway through this page I had a sudden realization that I should do the same with regards to my porn addiction! It takes positive action, and I know I cannot think my way into right action, I have to act my way into right thinking! So I'm sitting at Starbucks, reading porn addiction treatment websites instead of googling for porn. Thank you for creating this page/post/blog/forum!
Will, Good to hear from you. In the right hand side bar at the top of this page, if you click on the "Get Started Free" button and then fill in your email address, within 30 seconds you'll get the intro and 1st chapter of my book, "Breaking the Cycle." It's the best selling book on sex addiction. Give me a call after you read that and I'll get you going in the right direction. Best, George Collins, Director 925 932 0201
Guy you are the exact replica of my fucked up life......Today after reading this, am not going back again, because i have been touched by your article.....I have been wanting to stop with many failures till i saw this today....THANKS VERY MUCH...Am bookmarking this page
Frank, Great that you resonated with the blog! Do you have my book, "Breaking the Cycle?" If not get it at amazon.com or at a Barnes and Noble store. YOU will love it and it works. If you're in a relationship get "A Couple's Guide to Sex Addiction" (by my wife and myself). Also a good one.
Best, George
I quitted wathing porn few months ago but since then I couldn't quite masturbation. befor quiting porn, I was watching porn and masturbating at the same time. but lately I didnt wath porn for two months but masturbated without porn 3 or 4 times a week.. just today I couldnt control myself and watched porn and masturbate with that two times.. now I am really sad 🙁 I feel regret so much... dose it really affect the progression of my quiting porn??? will I again face quting of porn withdrawals???
Samim, I don't know the particulars of your case but here is nothing wrong with "healthy masturbation." There IS such a thing: thinking about an available appropriate partner. Porn brings shame. Appropriate thoughts do not. I'd be happy to talk, via Skype or phone with you further about this issue. Call me if you'd like to get some help with this. George 925-932-0201
Not that I ever considered myself an addict, and I still don't in retrospect, I used porn to fill a niche that I was missing in my sex life . Several months ago, I met an amazing woman that has a similar interest in this niche and has all of the other qualities in a woman that any man would want as a life-partner. Once I made the realization that I was in love with my girlfriend and wanted to be in a committed relationship with her, I haven't looked at porn since and have no desire to ever again. This was 5 months ago. With the right partner, it is a no-brainer to give up porn, mainly out of respect to your partner, but the sex with your partner is so much more amazing and intimate. Instead of fantasizing about countless images of objects of desire you will never meet, you instead fantasize about the woman that you love which makes times in the bedroom so much more pleasurable and exciting! Our sex is totally uninhibited and with every passing day we are discovering our likes and dislikes and what turns us on. So, give up the porn and if you have, stay the course...your brain does really re-wire when you are away from that junk.
It's really refreshing to hear that there are still some men out there that give regard to their commitment so strongly. I wish you and your partner much success in you guys' relationship, and hope that your bond only grows stronger with time.
I do have a quick question though regarding your post. Would your view point still remain the same if say due to certain circumstances, you and your partner were limited to only having sex once a week or even biweekly? Although knowing, few months down the line within a year or so, you'd be moving in together and then you guys would be able to resume a normal healthy relationship in all aspects. In such a case, due to the lack of daily intimacy, would you then feel the need to resort to porn to fill the missing niche in your sex life? Or would you still rather fantasize about your partner instead since you're committed for the long run?
WS, Thanks for your question. Always advisable to stay sober. Porn is habit forming. The WRONG habit for me and my clients. Intimacy is the real prize. BE with the real person. In a pinch.....think about them if you feel the need to be "close" to your partner that way. It's NOT about just gettin' off. That's recovery.
Thanks for the tip, George. I really appreciate it. The thing is though I don't feel i fall under the category of a porn addict, or under that spectrum, for that matter. Like for me I would resort to it once in 2 weeks or a week even, but it never has impeded my daily routine or life. I've never spent hours at a time in one session. It was only when I would feel that I have no other outlet, since i wouldn't be able to meet my gf freely. I've been with the same girl since I was 16....i would never choose porn over sex with her whenever we did have a chance to be intimate. Even today I would run a mile, if I could, to be with her, rather than resort to porn.
That's why I'm a tad confused. Can this in anyway mean I'm subconsciously, just making an excuse on my part to continue justifying why porn is ok for me? Because honestly it never has impeded my daily life. My grades, work, house chores, sex life has never been affected.
I'm just trying to understand in my situation, analyzing it off Free Man's previous post; even if when a man is not getting any, he can and should wean off porn if he's in a truly committed relationship? Especially if he knows his gf would also highly appreciate and be very happy about such a decision. So then just as it was for him, should giving up porn be, or have been, a no-brainer for me as well?
Keeping in mind I was in a long distance relationship initially for most of the years when my gf was away for school and then college. Then when she returned, it was only once a week or biweekly where I would be able to see her. We recently got engaged this October when we realized we ought to settle down, but still our circumstances keep us from seeing one another freely due to work and all, and since she had to travel away again recently. Nonetheless, I'd still like some input on the matter in my situation. We would occasionally partake in "phone sex" or sexing. But i'd find myself still resorting to porn at times. Would that be considered alarming?
WS, Do you have my book, "Breaking the Cycle" or our book, "A Couples Guide to Sexual Addiction?" I believe that those would be a great investment for you. Your questions (and more) will be answered there. Let me know what you learn. Best, George
Maybe porn stopped working. You need more of it, or something further out than you used to need, and it still doesn't land the way it once did — and some part of you is more unsettled by that than by the habit itself.This all ties into the new skills and hobbies you develop. The most amazing writer, David Wong, of Cracked.com said it best: "You can't bullshit yourself into being happy."
All of these are things I wanted to accomplish, all things I wanted to become. I know I can do them. I don't have to feel held up by anything because life doesn't feel so heavy anymore. Life feels like it is worth living.
All day I’ve felt horrible because of the previous nights watching and acting out. Tell myself I’m done! Then tonight I start the cycle all over again! Almost always entirely at night.
Tim, Get a free sample of my book, “Breaking the Cycle” by clicking on the picture of the book above and filling in the form. Within a minute (or so) it will be in your inbox. It’s helped MANY people. If you like the sample then get the book itself on Amazon. Give me a call if you have questions.
Best, George Collins, Director
Compulsion Solutions
925-932-0201
Being addicted to porn and not fully being aware that you are. You're losing the very best thing that has come into your life over formulated pixels of naked woman and an ugly false to that's what they really are. Your missing the very most memorable times of your life because you have desensitize yourself from what is real. Get it before you lose her completely. She's rare and your not treating her that way at all. She looks up to you and adores all of the man that you are! If you only knew how she looked at you through her lense, maybe then you'd learn to appreciate only her through your lense. Do something before it's too late.
well said thank you
Wish more men could see it this way
It's not about the woman though. It's about reclaiming your worth as an individual and in turn improving your relationships with everyone around you. Relationships come and go, the change should be for you and others will benefit, too.
That was awesome.
June 11, 2021
I’m only writing because I’m very annoyed by females being left out inregards to porn viewing. I feel that it’s viewed as an only male issue or habit. I too have been exposed to magazines and videos since if I recall correctly, 3rd grade; I found them on my own. So, it’s solely my fault but it may be the reason I am the way I am meaning very sexual and use to masturbating daily usually with porn if available. I too have created a problem with looking at porn daily and it taking up too much time. I also, looked at crazier sexual acts as the years went on which I like to a degree because I can orgasm more often in a single day but recently I’m completely bored of it. I’m now thinking it’s quite ridiculous to view these sexual acts verses having a great sex life with orgasm included with a girlfriend/boyfriend, partner, lover or husband/wife. Also, I’m bisexual so viewing porn allows that side of me to be soothed since I’m not with a woman nor have ever dated one just had one night stands. So, why am I thinking like this, I always viewed porn because I simply wanted to cum and since that’s usually multiples a day it provided much relief; and being in a relationship hasn’t changed that nor have I ignored their needs. I like sex so it’s an easy for me to do both. I do choose other forms of masturbation but porn usually is easier and super fast but I now realize it’s a problem area that’s gets way worse when I’m stressed but it no longer helps me. And I’m bored by it, I would rather be a participant verses a voyeur and too boot, I’m in a relationship where he lies about his porn viewing and habit. He too suffers from anxiety and started viewing porn very young. So, I’m annoyed with him when I have similar issue and etc. so I’m a hypocrite. Let me be clear, I’m not against porn, I have enjoyed it for years but I’m against the selfishness and the isolation it often creates. A person can simply go to that verses making their partner cum which takes some effort. For example, women are wired differently and our biggest sexual organ is our brains. So, how do men and women unite when we both want the same exact thing....great sex with orgasm that is changed up often and done often if not daily since I believe it’s super bonding for any loving relationship and a great release which helps with feeling calm, satisfied and for me happy. I get depressed when I don’t exercise and orgasm daily this is not new but it’s now being understood. I have had my hormones checked for an imbalance and I have a much higher level of testosterone then most women which may account for my very high sex drive. For me good touch is the glue of any relationship and to be honest it’s a need like water, food, shelter. It’s a beautiful thing and should be honored verses made into something bad or negative. So, porn is an outlet for many, big whoop but what I can say is that for the first time in my life it’s now a problem and maybe I have finally grownup and want to go about my sexual desires and needs in a better, healthier way. Maybe, another topic here is sexual incompatibilities between lovers meaning during the courting phase it’s exciting and the sex seems so important and it’s definitely done more often. Why does the sex decrease to the point of unhappiness and then self care sets in....porn and mastubation. Medically, orgasms create a healthier body, less cancer or no cancer some studies say and as we all know it’s a great release. So, orgasms are key to ones health also the use it or lose it motto comes into play especially for the aging population. Masturbation is healthy and it’s proven to be medically so but it’s the path to it that is in question here. The reality of porn isnt pretty or even exciting but it serves a purpose. So, maybe what needs to be said here is that you should all be masturbating but try to leave the porn out here and there. Use your own imagination, let your fantasies go wild but create them yourself and let them be happening to you verses someone else. It’s ok to orgasm to some wild scenes not all things need to really happen and probably shouldn’t ever happen. The mind is an untapped pool of desires and so maybe telling these men to start by not giving up self care thru masturbating but decrease the porn viewing to do so. People can’t stop wanting orgasms and they shouldn’t but using ones mind verses being lazy and letting porn take that place is a problem. Also, us ladies notoriously don’t orgasm thru penetration unless we are given about 13 minutes of constant attention to all of our sensual zones so with that being said mens orgasm is much shorter, like three minutes so some men may find this annoying or challenging and possibly a chore. But as I have said for years, the couples that cum together stay together. If you aren’t willing to put the time in to give your partner an orgasm then she or he will find another. They will only be so patient and giving for so long. If you prefer your hand over the effort it takes to be in a sexually equally satisfying relationship then maybe porn is for you and that’s ok too but accept it and stop entering relationships which only cause us pain and frustration. So, the true topic of concern isn’t porn use but the reasons why we turn to it verses having intimacy with another human being because that’s the real problem. And why can’t we relax enough to orgasm with another, is it porn or is it society’s constant display of beautiful young fit people. Why can’t we be happy enough with our looks and bodies so that we can fall inlove and stay inlove.....
I hear you and I agree with you on many of the points you make. Many women, like men, use porn and there is not enough discussion about it, especially as it relates to an outlet / "coping mechanism". Like many coping mechanisms porn use can become maladaptive and rather than enhancing sexual experience, it can numb and hinder it. As you said, it's about getting down underneath what part of oneself is afraid of intimacy with another. If you would like to unravel those individual and environmental layers that no longer serve you there is help and you are not alone.
Thank you for your kind reply without judgement. I had great anxiety after I posted my thoughts, feelings and frustrations so much so that I felt highly stressed and embarrassed for days. And I may have been venting a bit and I hope I only helped verses hurt any person. My intentions were good....with that said I see I got a lot of comments which actually added to my anxiety and embarrassment because I can only assume I was misunderstood and it’s negative but I’m open enough to hear all points of view and advice so that I grow since I believe I’m here to learn as well as love. How do I view their comments on my post but stay private? Jane
Thank you Jane
It was refreshing to read the perspective of a woman that struggled with the same issues that men do.
I’m reminded of the saying:
“A problem well stated, is half solved”
Sounds like you and your partner should explore some healthier videos together like four chambers or even make some. only read the first few paragraphs but :* be well
I'm 33 and have never had a girlfriend or had any physical experience. I've watched porn since I was a teenager and I know it's hurt me. I never thought I would ever have sex, let alone kiss a woman. I am told I'm attractive and have my act together, but I have a lot of confidence issues.
Well last night, out of nowhere, I had my first kiss that went into full-blown sex with a woman I've been talking to and hanging out with.
Unfortunately, I had performance problems that I know are based on my years of porn problem. She was satisfied, but that is not how I wanted my first time to go and it was embarrassing.
This was a wake up call. Today, I deleted all the porn on my computer, all the apps on my phone with pictures of women, and all the porn accounts I have online.
I never want to have a repeat of last night again and I want to reset my brain from porn. I can safely say I will not use it anytime soon so I can have enjoyable sex.
I don't need to be contacted. I have the motivation needed to break the habit. I just want to warn whoever reads this to stop watching porn because it is hurting you in ways you won't know until it does.
John, Thanks for sharing your story. I'm sure that it will help others. Let me know if you ever need more help. You can get a free sample of my book, "Breaking the Cycle" by filling in the form on the sidebar at the top of this page. Stay ON your case.
Best, George Collins, Director
925-932-0201
Deep exhale. I just stumbled on to this and am wondering if I will get a response.
I’m 65 and have masturbated everyday for over 53 years normally at least morning and at night. I have been hooked on porn since finding a roadside stash on my paper route at 12. I can’t stop. I’m amazed and almost wished my little pecker would have fallen off after all the abuse. It has ruined my life and yet truthfully it’s often the two best moments of every day. I have a 45 year old daughter, a 21 year old grandson, a 91 year old mother, 4 siblings and there’s no way I’m voluntarily coming clean. It’s too late for that. I know how pathetic it looks and hope to be free some day. I have tried. I also know it requires trusting someone and hopefully that will happen soon. The most tragic in all of my years of sin and rebellion is knowing the truth and not having fully repented. Whatever you love more than God..is an idol.
I GET what you're saying. I too suffered from the same issues before I turned my life around. Why don't you go to the top of this page and fill out the form so you can get a free sample of my book, "Breaking the Cycle." It's what worked for me and can, probably, work for you too. And, you can give me a call and we'll do a free assessment of your situation. It's NOT too late. What we do here WORKS.
Best, George (Director, Compulsion Solutions)
925-932-0201
Steve...I had the porn problem for 40 years...I came out allready..first find a person to share about your captivity..then make a massive effort like never before...when I quitted..I went through panic attacs, anxiety and depression for 2 months...but I am over....you can do it my brother..I encourage you with all my heart..
When I read your story, I was reading mine. I am 31 years old and I have never had a girlfriend. I have loved girls to whom I have never been able to say anything, out of fear, shame, I don't know.
I always find myself less than others. I almost let pornography rob me of twenty years of my life, until I was selfish. I don't even think it's out of selfishness, I would say out of a lack of personal love. I'm making a decision to stop all this waste.
Thank you for your testimony.
I do stop it for while like for months and after a while i will begin again and am just like well its nothing . But am scared cos i know it is hurtin me and my health .
Ed, Good to hear from you. Fill out the form in the sidebar at the top of this page and send for the free sample of my book, "Breaking the Cycle." If you'd like to call and talk to me, DO that. This CAN be just a bad memory if you take action.
Best, George (Director)
925 932 0201
My names Paul and I'm 17 yrs old, I recently just quit watching porn and it's really hard on me but I'm still hanging on ,this is gonna be like a week that I haven't watched porn...Any time I feel that urge to watch porn I normally jus listen to music ..buh I noticed da its really hard not to because I suddenly start to feel anxiety and sadness buh I always tell myself I don't have any reason to be sad
Paul, Good to hear from you. You can find answers to your porn addiction by sending for a free sample of my book, "Breaking the Cycle." Just put your name and email in on the sidebar at the top of this page and it will get to you within a minute. You can also call and talk to me if you'd like. You can beat this thing.
Best, George (Director)
925-932-0201
I admit - ashamedly - to watching porn occasionally. And by occasionally, I honestly mean no more than an hour per week - I’m too busy with work and other things for more than that. I don’t enjoy watching it, but as a man to whom no woman could ever be sexually attracted, there is no point in trying to find someone to have a genuine relationship with. She doesn’t exist, so it will never happen. I’m 43 and haven’t been hugged - even once - in 12 years - and I have never been on a date, never had sex and never kissed a woman. I work out 3-4x per week, take care of myself and climb waterfalls as a hobby. I have a great well-paying job in a respected profession and own several properties debt-free. I mention these things in case someone thinks I’m some slob living in my parents’ basement. Nope. Whatever other guys have that attracts women to them sexually I do not have. The sensations I feel watching porn are the closest I will ever be to experiencing actual intimacy because no woman could ever want me for me because I am fundamentally unattractive.
Paul, Women are not JUST attracted to physically handsome. Really. I'm no prize and I've got one. My guess is that there is also something going on with you psychologically that keeps you from believing that you are an "attractive" man. Give me a call if you'd like to talk about this a little bit.
Best, George Collins (Director)
(925) 932-0201
Hi Paul, don't say that. You are an amazing and accomplished man. I have the same problem as you. I am 19 years old, and I think I am very accomplished for my age as well. With that said, my sister told me that the only reason I have never had a girl-friend is because I do not put myself out there. If I were to put myself out there and clearly explain my intentions to an attractive lady, then I would at least have a chance at getting her number. Worst case scenario, you fall flat on your face and the woman rejects you. You know what happens, you gain more experience and resilience. I've been rejected like 5 times in the past year. Just look at all the life-long failures of Abraham Lincoln. He failed so many times and ended up becoming successful.
“My great concern is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with your failure.” – Abraham Lincoln
Have a great day and keep your head up. Many people see well past the surface. 🙂
Women can sense that you like porn and that to you they are not worth the risk of rejection. We understand under any relationship difficulty you will make an excuse to use porn and give up on us. We don't want to tie ourselves down to a one sides deal.
I want to speak about my experience with porn addiction, specifically, to those men in a serious relationship or those contemplating a serious relationship. I've been with my girlfriend for ten years, we'd probably be married long ago if it weren't for my porn problem. She is WAY out of my league physically, emotionally, mentally and morally and has the patience of a saint. I won her heart because she believed me to an honest and sincere man and valued that above all else, and I have rewarded that trust with a decade of heartache. She gave her love to me completely with only two conditions (always be honest, don't use porn). No problem, I told myself, I've won the lottery and don't want anyone else but her... at least not in real life. To me porn didn't really count, I used to think it was just harmless fantasy. I have never been more absolutely wrong about anything. It's cheating if your committed partner says it is. Period. It's definitely cheating if you have to lie about it. I lied repeatedly (NEVER LIE!) and argued for years and did anything to avoid the shame of dragging the issue into the light. I don't believe I'm a pervert or deviant and I'm not even a frequent user, but I want you to know that is completely irrelevant, the trajectory is such that porn can cause major issues in your life. Denial about addiction can and will destroy you. The bottom line: If your woman is not 100% OK with your porn use (please have the guts to ask her about porn if you use it and haven't discussed it with her), if you need to hide it from her or do anything outside of being 100% completely open and honest about it, it can become a huge problem and YOU COULD BE SETTING YOURSELF UP FOR A WORLD OF PAIN. In a committed relationship, both parties have the right to decide what is and isn't ok regarding porn use. I ignored this basic truth at OUR peril and the consequences have been extreme. It took ten years, but I've slowly destroyed her beautiful soul, along with our sex-life. Conflict has ruined many vacations and holidays and caused us to retreat from quality time with friends and family. I've made my drop-dead beautiful "10" of a girlfriend, who put all of her trust in me, insecure to the point where she has issues with self-esteem and does not feel "good enough." She frequently thinks I'm checking out other women right in front of her. I'm not. But it doesn't matter, lying in one area equates to distrust in all others. THE ENDGAME IS THAT YOU WILL EVENTUALLY BE SOLELY DEFINED BY YOUR PORN USE, the other 99% of your life won't matter, your good deeds won't matter, you're expressions of love won't matter, and if you repeatedly lie about porn, your words won't matter. You will feel intense shame, guilt and self-loathing and you will severely damage the one you love most. Please stop to consider this. I'm not an idiot. I'm a capable, generally caring human... but I fell prey. Porn may not be damaging to all relationships, but guys, if you CARE AT ALL, please discuss porn with your girlfriend from the very start, PLEASE LISTEN TO HER VIEWS ABOUT PORN, SET BOUNDARIES AND HONOR HER WISHES AND CONCERNS 100% and if you are not man enough to adjust your behavior to suit her needs, get help or walk away. You will save yourself unspeakable heartache. In my experience, porn use, and especially dishonesty about using it can take you to places with your partner you do not want to go.
You know you have a problem if you find yourself arguing with a woman you love that your porn use doesn't have any real world consequences. It does. Don't kid yourself. I haven't even touched on the damage the porn industry does to countless young women, which in and of itself is a compelling enough reason not to use it. This is not the man I thought I was or who I want to be. I am finally at a place where porn disgusts me and I have no desire to use. I'm trying to repair the damage I've done, but it may be impossible. It's my sincere hope this cautionary tale helps someone to avoid the path I've taken.
Well said my friend. My answer: Get help as SOON as you can. As Ted suggests, don't wait ten years until AFTER your relationship is destroyed and your partner devastated to get help. We're here. My book details MY struggle. GET THIS DONE. Just call me and change your life......for the (way) better.
George
Hi,
I’m a 20 year old university student who’s been in a serious committed relationship for the past 14 months and see myself marrying this woman. Embarrassed to admit I have watched porn for several years and over the pandemic not being with her for almost 8 months it has been a large problem and ruined me.
I’m in fear of losing the love of my life.
Recently, while having intercourse I went soft and had no explanation for it.
I’m a few weeks clean and still feel the same. I’m seeking answers, I want to be better, I want to be 100% aroused by my girlfriend again, I want to be the man of her dreams. I’m turning to someone for help
Evan, It seems as though you are suffering from PIED (porn induced erectile dysfunction). It's quite common nowadays. I'd be happy to talk to you about your situation and remedies. Give me a call. Leave a message if you don't catch me and I'll get back to you promptly.
Best, George (Director)
925-932-0201
Hello, I stopped porn 8 months ago but I have been plaqued with stress & anxiety & anger ..doesn't seem to get any better I am afraid..leon
Leon, Great job in stopping porn. Give me a call and we'll see if we can get you to stop being so anxious. You've made a great start. Now it's time to SEE and clean up the "demons" that CAUSED the porn addiction.
Best, George (Director)
925-932-0201
Hi! I’ve been using porn for a long time, and i think it’s about time that I quit. However, I’m in a time of my life where I’m not meeting many girls especially because of covid so I’m wondering if I can still masturbate, and if so, how often? If not then that’s fine, I just want to know what is the right way to do this.
John, Why not give me a call and I can talk to you a bit about the best way to have "healthy masturbation." Let me know some good times for you if I can't answer.
Best, George
925-932-0201
Can masturbation cause erectile disfunction?
James, The answer is: BIG TIME. PIED (porn induced erectile dysfunction is the clinical term). Give me a call if you'd like to talk further about this.
Best, George (Director)
925-932-0201
Hey man. Just read your post, it was very helpful thanks for writing it. I want to have a 1 on 1 conversation with you though. Recently I decided to have a social media detox and do semen retention. So far so good, but I'd like to talk on a few things especially because of covid and talking to women during the pandemic.
Lamar, Give me a call.
Best, George
925-932-0201
My husband and I have been together since I was 13 and I am 24 now and he is 25. I remember the first time I found porn on his phone or computer was before he was even 18. & just about every year several times a year I have continued to have suspicions and find it again. For the past almost two years I feel like I'm with an emotionless, selfish, distant stranger. He used to not leave a room if something was wrong with me until we talked it out and fixed it. Now he don't even care. When I used to catch him lying about porn he would apologize and say how it won't happen again (lie). Now if I find it he says if he wants to watch some porn that he can and will and that there's nothing wrong with it. & I have even broke down to him multiple times and explained to him exactly why it bothers me and why I want him to just stop watching it. He has never been so cold and hateful towards me and not be considerate of my feelings. We have a 5 year old son and a 3 year old daughter and I'm trying for them but there's no intimacy, passion, affection between us no more. It's like it's a problem if I try to hug him or kiss him. Or if I'm even in the same room sometimes. He even looked at a picture of some blonde headed skinny girl in a soccer uniform with super short shorts while we was getting "sex" started. It's like he has to look at other girls to get an erection. There's no kissing during sex anymore. He keeps his eye's closed pretty much the entire time. There's been 2 times before that he told me if I wanted to have sex that we would have to have some porn playing or he wouldn't be able to get an erection or keep it. That was about one of the biggest heart drops I had ever felt. I'm your wife and if you love me like I love you, you shouldn't need to be watching porn period and you should be able to perform just fine without a fake video with dramatic reactions and unrealistic expectations. He won't even pay attention to me during sex. I feel used when we have sex. & It's pretty miserable boring unsatisfying sex bc there's no love, no passion or intamacy. He says he'd rather watch porn bc he doesn't wanna have to have the "stress" of having to worry about making sure I get done and do all that "hard work" when we can just watch porn and get done and worry about just himself. He said I make it a problem by reacting how I do to his porn use and getting upset about it that I make it a problem. That my way of thinking and how I feel about it and how he makes me feel about it isn't right or how I should think. That it's all my problem and my fault for it to even be a problem because I can't just be okay with it. Look at where porn got us. Lying, secrets, porn replacing me. It's made him so damn different and just does not give a crap about me anymore. & I told him I feel unwanted. That's my problem too. & the porn is also a problem because according to him I only don't like it because I'm insecure. & If I have become a little insecure it's because of his continued porn use and looking at other girls on the phone to be able to have sex with me. I know that was long but I haven't been able to talk to anyone about this and I'm so stressed and heartbroken and just don't know how to get him to understand and realize how the porn is why he is how he is. I'm about to just come to the conclusion that maybe a divorce is my only option. Please help me. I have a little girl and boy that I don't want to grow up to seeing his porn when they're teenagers and accidently find it and then boom they start getting addicted to it. Or thinking that this type of marriage we have is healthy or okay. It's not.
First of all, it's important to know that what is happening to you is not your fault, it's his. He's making lots of excuses because he hasn't confronted how wrong it is. One of the first steps to fixing his problem is to first admit that he has a problem and that the problem is bad. Without that, he is going to continue to spiral downward like I did. It probably would be helpful to be understanding with him and get him some resources in a non-threatening way. He is addicted. He needs help with it and if you help him, then he is extremely lucky to have you and hopefully once he recovers you both know you will be with each other through anything. That's a strong bond.
I am so sorry to hear this! You deserve better! My husband and I have been going to therapy since I found out about porn use. He reads books and works hard to address the issue. He put software on his devices for a year to prove he was not using porn....he has been reassuring and loving a d committed and he is sorry. You deserve validation. I am so sorry your husband has been hijacked by such a foul problem in our culture. Please do not subject yourself to his terrible invalidation. It is not okay. You deserve better.
Very nice I like it
Sir，i have got something really important to tell you. Last year was the first time I eve r told a girl that I lived her ok. I loved this girl so much that we was totally in my head. So I decided to quit watching porn as it would mean lack of commitment.I was successful for 3 months. I told my friends about my decision and they really didn't like it. They started seeing me like a strange physco. They told me that it was childish to quit porn and those who quit porn are losers. They enciuraged me to start watching again. After this the urge came again. I would watch porn, mastrubate and then feel guilty of it. It felt like I was cheating the love of my life. I even took a blade to my hand for this. I thought " If I'm doing something wrong, I should surely get punished. So why not punish myself?" Now I have almost a dozen cuts on my body. I really want some help. I can't call you sir, I don't want any of my family members to know about it. The part that hurts me most is that my mom sees me as her hero. One day she told me" I know that your brother will watch porn but I'm a 100% sure that you would never do it. I can bet my life on it" . I didn't know what to say. I feel like a monster. Please get my out of this sir. Please help. I tried to find apps to block porn sites, but I could find any. I can't share my problem with anyone else too. Please help..
V8, Great to hear from you. You do need to get some help from a trained professional about self harm. You don't need to punish yourself. Get a hold of my book, "Breaking the Cycle" at Barnes and Noble stores or amazon.com. You can read it, follow the instructions and porn will just be a bad memory. It's how I stopped porn and got a great life. Give me a call if you need more support. (925) 932-0201
Best, George, Director, Compulsion Solutions
I lost my virginity in February. After years (from 11 to 17) of pornography here it was: the real thing. It was amazing and my girlfriend and I grew incredibly close...but I still felt unsatisfied. I quickly spiraled even further down in my addiction, searching for fulfillment or even a quick fix. My grades were slipping, my ability to be productive sucked and my friends started to withdraw from me. I've lost one friend entirely because I was constantly flirting and trying to manipulate her into wanting me. I was just so sick. I've spent this summer working on myself, but sometimes it feels like if I could just scratch that itch one more time... I think what's worse is that the few friends I've gone to for support don't take my addiction seriously because I'm a girl.
Dani, Good to hear from you. Please feel free to give me a call regarding flirting and intrigue (flirting with intention). We have help here at Compulsion Solutions for you.
Best, George (Director)
(925) 932-0201
I've been on this downward slide ever since middle school. i'm 38 now. it sucks and I WANT to stop or my wife, my daughter, and my family- and most importantly myself. I need help. I need to stop. just can't figure it out. I was hit by a car and had a head injury when I was 9-and I think it has a HUGE part in it. my wife knows about it. so it's ok. but I want to stop. what can I do? please help!! need to kick this habit and send it straight to hell where it belongs..
Anthony, Give me a call at the office. I'd be happy to talk to you about how to end this issue and have a way better life.
Best, George (Director)
(925) 932-0201
Can I call on your WhatsApp as tariffs from my country is high
Eziashi, Email me at: [email protected] and we can talk about how best to connect.
George
this does not apply to me for one I only do it an hour before bed so it does not consume my life I never had a girlfriend so this is providing needed relief that I otherwise could not get unless I paid an escort and I haven't had sex in years so it has no effect on sex because I don't have sex for it to effect I still clean my house and I never had an interest in hobbies without porn I would just be playing video games neither effects work because I work out of necessity bills will always be there regardless of what I think so unless I magically get a girlfriend even though you and I both know that wont happen ill keep watching porn
Hey friend, I was in your shape too. Addicted to porn. Thought no girl world want me. Tough shape. And.....I overcame it. YOU can too. Get a hold of my book, "Breaking the Cycle" if you want to see how it works. Or, give me a call. be happy to get you goin' in the right direction. Really.
George, Director, Compulsion Solutions
(925) 932 0201
Is it okay to watch porn everyone in a while? I gave up watching it 4 months ago and I've been good ever since! A couple times it came across tumblr or my friends joking around. Even though I have things under control, sex life going great, not needing porn to "get off" lately I've had this urge to watch it. What should I do?
Also I'm 23 so this took a lot of self control and dicipline.
Ian, You can't watch porn. It's important that you change OUT the corrupted emotional software that is used to porn. Intimacy with a real live person is the "right stuff." Have you read my book, "Breaking the Cycle?" If not get a free sample of it here. Just click on the Get Started Free button the top of this page. If you want to end the porn cycle forever get the book and read it. It works. Worked for me. If you need more help give me a call, 925-932-0201. We do phone and Skype sessions with men from all over the world. Let me know how it goes.
I am so screwed up and miserable 15 years of this crap!! I hate it I can't even get it ip for sex anymore. I used to have a raging libido. I feel like a shell of a man. My wife hasn't left me yet but she should. I work away in isolated camps it feels impossible to quit there is nothing to do on your 12 hours off but go on the net and jack off to porn. I just can't take it anymore I am starting to come apart. Porn is a monster
Chris, Glad you reached out. Help is here at Compulsion solutions. Do you have my book, "Breaking the Cycle?" You can get the intro and first chapter free if you go to the homepage here and click on "Free help now" just under my picture. It's been the best selling book in it's genre on Amazon for the past five years. It works. And, we back it up with telephone counseling. Read it and give me a call at: (925) 932 0201. Let's get this DONE and out of your life.
i read every comment and found out that i have the same problems.i don't know if i'm addicted or not,but lately i observed that i just want to watch porn every day.i spend 2 hours usually.i think is is a kind of addiction,because you want to do smth every day.i tried to stop.once i did for 1 year or smth.no porn for 1 year,can u imagine that?but then i gave up.i didn't have girlfriend and i had/have urges so i went back to porn.ocasionally i tried to stop,but onlu lasted for weeks or a days.now i think i need to stop for once and all.the reason behind this is of course obvious ones,like decreasing your mental/physical abilities(i used to masturbate every time after watching porn),but also i noticed that there is not the amount of porn which would satisfy me fully.even if i kept watching for hours and hours,it cant fill me up.it kind of has decreased my emotional level and puts me off my studyings.i'm 21,by the way.so now decided not to be a slave,not to live in illusion,not to have control of myself.i'm gonna stop this fucking habit once and for all and i know i can do it.anyone who is reading this post and is in my position,i know you can do it too.this is s daily struggle for sure.just find the reason to stop,because without a reason nothing is done.be strong,be a captain of your soul,be alive and live real life.
thanks the author and everyone who have commented.
This article is about people in relationships watching porn but what about people that aren't in one or that cannot get sex or attract women? I am 49 and a virgin porn is my only release but if I had a choice I would rather have no sexual feelings at all!
Give me a call. I was that guy....like you. Couldn't get "the girl," so I did porn. Be happy to tell you how I got over it. Got a GREAT wife now. Best, George (925) 932 0201
Karl, I will be first to admit that I have only been clean for a week, but man is it freeing! I have twice as much energy, I don't need as much caffeine to get going, Ive had coworkers from my last job, and at my current tell me that I just seem happier and less cranky. I feel like I could take on the world. I know that there is little to no medical evidence of it draining your testosterone.
I know there is going to be in for a drop, where I want to quit, fall off the ball, but I wont, because this addiction was ruining my life, I started looking at porn when I was 10, and did until last week last Friday (I am now 22). I am never going back, please try.
I used to watch porn everyday and did masturbation. And then felt guilty.but I don't know how did I quit. I had tried many times but failed everytime. Now I will never watch again. I feel good and I have lots of time and I watch series and movies . Thank god I became to able to come out of porn addiction
Congratulations! Best, George
My girlfriend found out I've been lying about porn/trigger pictures/anything associated with masturbating, so we had a huge fight/discussion. Basically, she doesn't trust me, and put the ultimatum that if I do it again I will lose her. I absolutely don't want to lose her, so I've begun this journey to give up porn/masturbating. Things I've noticed these first 7 days is that I am not as sexually attracted to my girlfriend like I once was, I just don't see things as positive anymore therefore I'm depressed, and I'm contemplating my relationship like I never have before. I too have been looking at sex with my girlfriend as more of a chore rather than having an intimate connection. We've been intimate before, so I know there is still something there, but I just haven't been feeling good about us this entire week. Whenever I think deep down I realize how much she means to me, so I don't want to lose her. I still care for her deeply, and I feel horrible for hurting her so much. Is this normal in the "rebooting" process of the brain for me to feel like this in terms of depression, lost sexual attraction to her, and just not being positive?
Yes John. I'm afraid it IS normal...what you're going through. When you do porn you desensitize yourself to "real people." Doing porn feels "easier" than going through the whole process of lovemaking with your girlfriend. It is, however, a disaster because, if you don't recover, your life sentence is to end up alone, in a dark room, with your penis in your hand. Not a very happy thing. And, your self-esteem is tanked, meaning that you'll underachieve and under-earn. Get my book, Breaking the Cycle. Also get our book, A Couples Guide to Sexual Addiction. You can get them at Barnes and Noble or amazon.com. Give me a call if you'd like to talk. We can help you make this just a bad memory.
Hi, John. I just wanted to say you're not alone. My husband has dealt with this for years. For the longest time he was a long-haul truck driver, very isolated and needed something to fill his time/mind, like you. In 2015 he got this book and was "clean" until just this past January, when he slipped up and didn't tell me, headed back down the black hole. He is rereading the book again and I can tell you from a woman's/partner's perspective that all we want is for you to get healthy. At first during the recovery there is a period where he doesn't want to be intimate with me, but we get through it and then things are great again. Another thought to leave you with...I don't know how open you and your partner are, but this really takes a toll on a woman's self-image. I tend to withdraw from my husband at the same time he does and question my worth and attractiveness. Logically I know it's nothing to do with me, but that doesn't make it any easier. Persevere...it WILL get better. This book changed my husband's life.
I gave my husband that I've been with since I was 13 and I'm 24 now the same choice last night. Me and our 2 kids or the porn. His response and he's 25 btw, his response was "You are the only one that makes it a problem by basically just not being okay with it. to sum up everything else he said so this isn't that long is that my views towards porn and how it makes me feel and how it makes me feel to know that he watches it especially when I've caught and asked him not to watch over so many years it's ridiculous. That I'm not open minded. & that it's my own insecurities. That it would be selfish of me to move out and have to come up with a schedule for the kids just bc I find out he is still watching porn. But no I think your the selfish one if your wife and kids aren't enough to make you stop and get help. He also said that I was weak for having this mindset against porn. I told him that no I think you're the weak one bc you can't just stay strong and not look at porn or anything that could trigger you going to porn knowing how much it hurts me and how much of a problem it's causing us that apparently only I can be aware of. & knowing that if he continues to watch porn I will move out and file for a divorce and we will have to co parent and have a schedule with the kids.& He looks at pictures or videos of other girls to be able to get and keep an erection to have sex. At least your willing to try. Willing to get help and obviously care ab your girl. It's like a flip switched in my husband and it's a complete stranger that doesn't love me or care for me and still thinks his manipulation tactics work on me anymore. I am so sorry this is so long but I have been researching everything on this topic for about 2 weeks and haven't talked to anyone but my husband which is basically talking to a wall and I am just slowly dying inside and it's like the porn has him so blind that it's affected him in every way & I just feel alone, not enough, unwanted, unloved, not cared for, used, and it's physically making me sick. I also have suspicions of him cheating and after our 2 kids and a marriage license he finally admits to cheating on me several times and every time it was the same girl. One time I was in the SAME HOUSE and it was mine and his house. They would kiss every time I went to the bathroom and I never knew. How can u do that to someone you love? I could never. I would automatically think about him first and never be able to. I haven't ever cheated on him. I just don't deserve this stranger I don't recognize anymore. I'm just spiraling and can't stop typing because I don't have friends. I just never get to say this to anyone but to myself in my own head. I just can't do it anymore.
Thanks so much for your share. I'm so glad that you are moving on with your life. There is a certain point where you know that "it's time." I would be more than happy to talk to your husband personally should he decide to change his life around. If not, there are LOTS of good men looking for a good woman.
Best, George (Director)
925-932-0201
I have to update my earlier response to your post earlier in this blog where I commended you for wanting to try to help him but with this new information of him cheating on your makes my response different. It appears as if he already gave up on the exclusivity of your relationship long ago and used porn to satisfy himself once he wasn't satisfied from you anymore. It's looks like you've been through a lot emotionally and as much as the disruption is going to hurt, its probably worth it to your emotional well being to move on and find a different relationship. It won't be easy but you can do it. Sharing your story helps illuminate to other addicts who need help just how much is at stake and how continuing with the addiction without stopping it causes irreparable harm to the addict's relationships. Thank you for sharing your story and I'm certain any of these readers hope for the best for you and your family.
Girl, I am in the same exact boat. No friends either just me and my man. He used to be my best friend….. before the porn. He won’t even admit he watches it or has a problem it’s freakin ridiculous! Have things got better for you two? I hope so….
I wouldn't personally say that I'm addicted to porn but I watch it every now and then. While I'm watching it, it feels like the greatest thing ever.But when I'm done I feel so dirty,full of regret,worthless.After reading this article I realised that I really need to quit watching porn.I'm 18 years old and I've been exposed to porn since I was eleven.I really hope that I'll be able to turn my life around before it's too late.
Princess, get my book, "Breaking the Cycle" and work it. DO the exercises and learn the tools. Porn will become just a bad memory. You can get it on amazon.com or Barnes and Noble bookstores. Best, George Collins, Director
Well.... Why did it take me this long to find your blog. Firstly, I'll be buying your book tomorrow.
Secondly have spent the best part of 1/2 hour reading this page and the comments, like many others this is the first time I've even written about my problem. And it's been a problem for 21 years. I'm now 40. I am only just realising as I write this, my entire adult life has been consumed by porn I discovered porn when I got my first PC and the internet in 95/96. It transcends relationships - if you let it, it doesn't matter if you are in a relationship with the most sexually attractive person to you... Porn takes over if you let it.
Why? Well that's the big question and I suspect I'll find out in the book. Already from your reading your site, I can tell there is going to be a lot of introspection to be done on my childhood. And for me to say that, at 40 with a 'happy marriage and two kids' is saying something.
So thank you for your site, and I'm looking forward to reading your book.
I'm so very very tired of the cycle. I'm tired Of formatting my iPhone and iPad when I go through a "I'm done with porn" day. Only to start up again from scratch installing everything again having convinced myself this is natural and normal.
It's not though. Some people may look and porn and laugh. Some guys may say "toughen up". But each to their own. My entire adult life has revolved around porn. I feel like I don't really even know how to be a truly strong adult, let alone a family orientated, confident man. Despite this being what the outside world already sees.
It's definitely not what's going on, on the inside.
Thanks for your site.
Shane, Great to see that you are waking up to who you REALLY are rather than the old addictive story of porn. DO the work in the book and porn can be just a bad memory. Hint: Dialogue a LOT. That's what changes your mind. Best, George
Even I watched porn. Although for me it wasn't a addiction though it was more of a problem for me. I would watch porn on the weekends and I would spend 10 hours a week. That would be for every week. It got to a point where I asked myself, " Do I really want to keep watching this. Its not even real and yet single guy, in college, and dont want to be known as "that guy."
3 months ago I met this girl at a football hame and somehow me and her became really good friends. She told me what she was going through and I felt bad so did my best to help her. Me and her are related somehow that we became really close friends. What I noticed was that I wouldn't watch porn and the best part is not even think about it. Now 3 months later and until this day, No Porn, I had to say enough is enough. My grades are all good, spending my time studying and even going to the football games with her. We hang out once a week on the weekends and honestly, really proud of myself. 🙂
Really good story.
Jim, Glad that this relationship is keeping you sober. I would, however, look at why it occurred in the first place. There's a "story" there that would be important to explore. Get a hold of my book, "Breaking the Cycle." That will give you some huge insights. Let me know how it goes. Best, George
Yeah i know it's so important to stop watching porn, but it just feels like it's the only thing I truly enjoy.
Get my book and read it. You'll (literally) change your mind for the better. There's WAY more than porn. WAY more. Best, George
porn is for losers!
I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for two years now. I found out a year ago he watches porn. Ever since I found out about the porn I've done a lot of reading on how best to deal with it. Porn in a relationship is something I cannot understand. For me it has no place. And in order for me to try be ok with something I have to understand it. I have even tried to watch porn myself and I can understand how it is arousing but it's still not something I would actively go search for myself. It's not just porn it's also looking up pictures of naked girls. He searches for pictures and porn 2-3 times a week and when he does search it he spends about 30 minutes to an hour doing so. We have a great relationship in every sense and a great sex life. This is literally the only thing that we don't see eye to eye on and it's getting to the point where it's killing me. He knows how much it hurts me but still carries on saying it's just silly insecurities of mine and it's normal, that all guys do it (as with a lot of the articles on the Internet). Firstly, I've grown tired of the notion that's it's normal. It really bugs me that we have been conditioned to believe that this is totally acceptable behavior in a relationship. Something that women must just accept. Secondly, while there may be an insecurity here and there, for me it goes deeper than that. For me a relationship is physical, emotional and mental - when he is watching porn at that moment it's all about his desire regarding the object he is watching. It's him imagining having sex with someone else. And while it's not physically cheating, for me it is cheating on some level.
Its getting to a point where it's messing up our relationship and I don't want to end a good relationship on every other level over something so stupid that we cannot see eye to eye on. But at the same time I also realise I can't stay in a relationship feeling like this and just pretending it's ok. maybe there is another way to look at this that I am missing - that I haven't read or thought of? I just want to get over this shitty issue in one way or another.
Jessie,
"...it’s normal, that all guys do it".
It's not normal. And not all guys do it.
Jessie, This situation won't change unless you do something about it.......like take a stand.....he gets help or you leave. It wont go away on its own. Get your boyfriend to give me a call. Get our books, "Breaking the Cycle" and "A Couple Guide to Sexual Addiction." Don't stay in an addictive situation or you will suffer. Suffering is optional. Give us a call. Best, George 925-932-0201
I never understood watching porn and being in an relationship it doesn't make sense. I thought you watch porn because you didn't have a girlfriend.
Hi,
Thanks for answering some of my virtual question's - questions that use to come in my head. Currently I am also experiencing all those things regarding Porn that you mentioned in this article and I think I am addicted. From last two years I am trying to quit watching porn but I am not able to do it whenever I stop watching porn I feel good for few days or week but suddenly I start feeling heavyness in my mind I feel like I am getting tensed minute by minute and to escape from this situation I choose porn. I am really worried why this is happening to me. I really have respect regarding females and I feel very ashamed because of Porn. Can you just give me an idea regarding how can I be consistent once I stop watching porn.
CB, As I said in my last note to you: get a hold of my book, "Breaking the Cycle." It really WILL answer your questions and get you well. Best, George
All I ever read about is how bad pornography is for relationships. But what if you're single and are not in a relationship? I am a successful medical professional, divorced 14 years, raised four kids: my oldest son a college graduate; youngest son an Afghanistan War veteran; two girls, one off to college, the other a senior in HS and my house is meticulously clean and tidy. I have time to do everything I need to and I don't procrastinate or fail to accomplish any objectives. I have a happy and fulfilling life, thank you.
I have not dated since my divorce although I have tried. I am not what you would consider desirable, women are not attracted to me. I never have been and I don't pretend to be dateable. I am what I am, I am single and have no desire to waste my time or money trying to get a date , so what is so wrong with using porn? There are many men who find it hard to find dates, let alone sexual partners, so what are we supposed to do...nothing? You all act as though we/I can just "get a girlfriend." It doesn't work that way.
I find the whole "porn damaging" mantra a bit offensive. Perhaps you should all stop judging those who use pornography as psychological outcasts, as if there is something wrong with us. If you're in a relationship and porn is destroying it then by all means, stop watching porn. For me porn is all I've got so just leave it alone. Not everybody smokes cigarettes, likes to drive fast cars or go to the shooting range so does that mean cigarettes, muscle cars and firearms should no longer exist?
If tried life without porn and you know what it was like...the same thing my life was usually but without any sexual stimulation. So, how is watching porn so harmful?
Destafano, I hear you and, personally, I just found it very lonely sittin' in a dark room masturbating after losing two marriages because of the complications arising from porn, masturbation, objectification, and sexualization. I realized that I couldn't get enough of what would never satisfy me with the porn. Now, I'm not gonna win any "beauty contests" either but there IS someone for everyone. I was determined to find a partner, have a healthy attitude about sex, and experience true intimacy...which I have. I would encourage you to read my book, "Breaking the Cycle." Your issues are addressed in what I've written. If you click on the GET STARTED FREE button on the sidebar on this page, and fill in your info, I'll immediately send you the intro and first chapter of the book for free. See if it speaks to you, then (maybe) get the book. Also, Give me a call if you'd like. I'd be happy to talk to you about our mutual porn and self esteem issues and alternative behaviors.
Best, George Collins, Director
Compulsion Solutions
(925) 932-0201
In the websites" nofap.com and reddit.com" I saw the Idea of the founder of that website who say that masturbation decreases the man testestrone. But here you say that masturbation isn't harmful. Why the ideas are different. In the nofap user so manny people want quite masturbation addiction. They founder of the website say men who dont masturbate for seven days, have 45 percent increas of testestrone. Which idea is true????
There are milions of free porn websites that make it very easy to watch every type of porn. Dont you think it is a great bussiness. If you love people and have the since of loving human, why dont you make the addict books free and why there isn't a free book for quiting porn? What should porn people do in asian countries? Today europeuropians so manny other countris produce porn movies. But how when when people watch and get addicted to them , and what should the poor people who cannot buy a book online or afford that like me do.?? If I am addicted and I cannot find a free book for quiting porn, then what should I do??? I live in Afghanistan and here are thousands addicts of porn with mybe at least 35 milion population. None of them know that porn is addictive. Here the knowledge is that much low that even the doctors don't know porn is addictive. Not only in Afghanistan may be in all asian countries few groups of people may know about porn addiction. Since I am addicted to porn, I saw and searched in the all book stores in the city but I couldn't find the porn addiction book here. Besides I cannot buy the book online either. I am very sad. I really see the pain of addiction and I dont know how to start. Besides I really fell sad for my country people too that none of the porn addicts know they are addicts...
This page is exactly what I need to read today!!! When I first got sober from alcohol about , I scoured the internet for recovery oriented materials and halfway through this page I had a sudden realization that I should do the same with regards to my porn addiction! It takes positive action, and I know I cannot think my way into right action, I have to act my way into right thinking! So I'm sitting at Starbucks, reading porn addiction treatment websites instead of googling for porn. Thank you for creating this page/post/blog/forum!
Will, Good to hear from you. In the right hand side bar at the top of this page, if you click on the "Get Started Free" button and then fill in your email address, within 30 seconds you'll get the intro and 1st chapter of my book, "Breaking the Cycle." It's the best selling book on sex addiction. Give me a call after you read that and I'll get you going in the right direction. Best, George Collins, Director 925 932 0201
Guy you are the exact replica of my fucked up life......Today after reading this, am not going back again, because i have been touched by your article.....I have been wanting to stop with many failures till i saw this today....THANKS VERY MUCH...Am bookmarking this page
Frank, Great that you resonated with the blog! Do you have my book, "Breaking the Cycle?" If not get it at amazon.com or at a Barnes and Noble store. YOU will love it and it works. If you're in a relationship get "A Couple's Guide to Sex Addiction" (by my wife and myself). Also a good one.
Best, George
I quitted wathing porn few months ago but since then I couldn't quite masturbation. befor quiting porn, I was watching porn and masturbating at the same time. but lately I didnt wath porn for two months but masturbated without porn 3 or 4 times a week.. just today I couldnt control myself and watched porn and masturbate with that two times.. now I am really sad 🙁 I feel regret so much... dose it really affect the progression of my quiting porn??? will I again face quting of porn withdrawals???
Samim, I don't know the particulars of your case but here is nothing wrong with "healthy masturbation." There IS such a thing: thinking about an available appropriate partner. Porn brings shame. Appropriate thoughts do not. I'd be happy to talk, via Skype or phone with you further about this issue. Call me if you'd like to get some help with this. George 925-932-0201
Not that I ever considered myself an addict, and I still don't in retrospect, I used porn to fill a niche that I was missing in my sex life . Several months ago, I met an amazing woman that has a similar interest in this niche and has all of the other qualities in a woman that any man would want as a life-partner. Once I made the realization that I was in love with my girlfriend and wanted to be in a committed relationship with her, I haven't looked at porn since and have no desire to ever again. This was 5 months ago. With the right partner, it is a no-brainer to give up porn, mainly out of respect to your partner, but the sex with your partner is so much more amazing and intimate. Instead of fantasizing about countless images of objects of desire you will never meet, you instead fantasize about the woman that you love which makes times in the bedroom so much more pleasurable and exciting! Our sex is totally uninhibited and with every passing day we are discovering our likes and dislikes and what turns us on. So, give up the porn and if you have, stay the course...your brain does really re-wire when you are away from that junk.
It's really refreshing to hear that there are still some men out there that give regard to their commitment so strongly. I wish you and your partner much success in you guys' relationship, and hope that your bond only grows stronger with time.
I do have a quick question though regarding your post. Would your view point still remain the same if say due to certain circumstances, you and your partner were limited to only having sex once a week or even biweekly? Although knowing, few months down the line within a year or so, you'd be moving in together and then you guys would be able to resume a normal healthy relationship in all aspects. In such a case, due to the lack of daily intimacy, would you then feel the need to resort to porn to fill the missing niche in your sex life? Or would you still rather fantasize about your partner instead since you're committed for the long run?
WS, Thanks for your question. Always advisable to stay sober. Porn is habit forming. The WRONG habit for me and my clients. Intimacy is the real prize. BE with the real person. In a pinch.....think about them if you feel the need to be "close" to your partner that way. It's NOT about just gettin' off. That's recovery.
Best, George
Thanks for the tip, George. I really appreciate it. The thing is though I don't feel i fall under the category of a porn addict, or under that spectrum, for that matter. Like for me I would resort to it once in 2 weeks or a week even, but it never has impeded my daily routine or life. I've never spent hours at a time in one session. It was only when I would feel that I have no other outlet, since i wouldn't be able to meet my gf freely. I've been with the same girl since I was 16....i would never choose porn over sex with her whenever we did have a chance to be intimate. Even today I would run a mile, if I could, to be with her, rather than resort to porn.
That's why I'm a tad confused. Can this in anyway mean I'm subconsciously, just making an excuse on my part to continue justifying why porn is ok for me? Because honestly it never has impeded my daily life. My grades, work, house chores, sex life has never been affected.
I'm just trying to understand in my situation, analyzing it off Free Man's previous post; even if when a man is not getting any, he can and should wean off porn if he's in a truly committed relationship? Especially if he knows his gf would also highly appreciate and be very happy about such a decision. So then just as it was for him, should giving up porn be, or have been, a no-brainer for me as well?
Keeping in mind I was in a long distance relationship initially for most of the years when my gf was away for school and then college. Then when she returned, it was only once a week or biweekly where I would be able to see her. We recently got engaged this October when we realized we ought to settle down, but still our circumstances keep us from seeing one another freely due to work and all, and since she had to travel away again recently. Nonetheless, I'd still like some input on the matter in my situation. We would occasionally partake in "phone sex" or sexing. But i'd find myself still resorting to porn at times. Would that be considered alarming?
WS, Do you have my book, "Breaking the Cycle" or our book, "A Couples Guide to Sexual Addiction?" I believe that those would be a great investment for you. Your questions (and more) will be answered there. Let me know what you learn. Best, George