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6 Things That Get Better After Quitting Porn

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Porn buttonYou don’t have to be a slave to porn. Below (from one of our amazing clients) are 6 things in your life that get better after you quit porn. You can do it too.

 

Six months ago, my entire day revolved around porn. It was ruining my relationship. It was getting in the way of my goals and plans. It just had to stop, so I embarked upon a path to give up porn. I called Compulsion Solutions because I had decided that it was time to grow up. Now I can undoubtedly say: Life is better.

I know that when you first give up any addiction, it can be difficult to be optimistic. If you’re in the beginning stages of giving up a vice, there are days when you are going to hate it. So I want to share some of the things you get to look forward to when you finally kick that crap to the curb…

 

bigstock-Rock-climber-silhouette-parti-189446631.  You suddenly have more time in your day.

What do you want to accomplish in your life? Do you want to learn another language? Finish reading the Harry Potter books? Learn to cook? Build a birdhouse? Do you want to become a professional basketball player? Make some extra money? Visit France? Shake hands with Obama? Earn a promotion? Get a girlfriend? Start a band? Lose weight?

Well, guess what! Giving up porn can give you back the time that you’ve been missing. When I was using, I would find myself watching porn for hours at a time. Add it all up over a week and I had a part-time job watching porn. The only thing it paid me was shame and regret. Things were always getting done at last minute, I was often late for work or meeting with friends, and my apartment was always a mess.

Take porn out of the equation and suddenly I had a huge chunk of time that I could put toward all those things I wanted to accomplish. The laundry, dishes, and vacuuming all got done in a day. I was able to concentrate on improving myself instead of hurting myself. My homework and assignments were all getting handed-in on time. And just recently, I ended up with a 90% average in school. I also won a small scholarship for having the highest grades in my program. I added more to my writing and multimedia portfolio than I thought possible.

The best part is, all the new skills, goals and accomplishments suddenly become your focus throughout your day instead of videos of naked people. You have to hide your porn use, but your new job/skills/car/girlfriend/etc.—Those are all things you get to be proud of.

Which brings me to #2…

 

2. You start to like yourself. (So do other people.)

bigstock-Woman-hiding-under-the-happy-m-38643004This all ties into the new skills and hobbies you develop. The most amazing writer, David Wong, of Cracked.com said it best: “You can’t bullshit yourself into being happy.”

If by the end up the day, all you’ve accomplished is a few deposits into the spank bank and you look around to see that your place is still a disaster, what is there to feel happy about?  Well, that’s the problem.

Human beings generate happiness from accomplishment‑—even if just small accomplishments. Instead of letting that mess in your room accumulate, clean it up and you can smile and say: It’s so much nicer in here. Oh hey! That’s where my cat was hiding. From there, you can carry that effort into other things that make you happy.

Another important side effect from that is, other people will like you for it.

Once you give up your porn addiction, you suddenly become the type of person employers want to hire, the type of friend people want to have, and the type of guy that girls want to date. It’s only natural.

Productive members of society just get more respect and admiration from people because they’re just more fun to be around. You learn that you didn’t need to win a gold medal, have lots of money, or be a movie star for people to like you. You just had to accomplish a few small things to become the person that people wanted to be around. An effort at anything is usually enough to make you feel that much better at yourself.

 

3. Sex starts to feel real again.

As Gary Wilson of yourbrainonporn.com says: “Sex is not the same thing as porn.” It’s the same way that playing Call of Duty on Xbox isn’t the same thing as going to war in Afghanistan.

When I was using, I would look forward to porn, but I would dread sex. Sex with my girlfriend felt like a chore. It wasn’t her fault. I would avoid sex because I had trained my brain to look for porn for arousal. So, when it came time to satisfy my girlfriend, it just emphasized the distance I had created between us.

It didn’t happen right away, but after a short time, I started to desire her touch again. I didn’t have to distance myself from intimacy or passion. Porn doesn’t have those things. Porn lets you dismiss it when you notice a small imperfection and move on to the next video. It creates a desire for an unrealistic sex life that would never, ever satisfy anyone. It is also something that I’d project onto myself. I’d think I’d have to be built, or hung to be desired in such a way.

Leaving it all behind made me start to notice my girlfriend again and love her for who she was. It made me stop objectifying other girls as well.

Have you noticed that girls don’t want to spend time around you? I sure did. They were put off by my crudeness and I don’t blame them.

 

4. You finally get to stop lying.

Living with a porn addiction was like having a double life. I constantly worried about being caught again by my girlfriend. I’d obsess about checking to make sure my history was erased and that my cookies were deleted. No matter how many times I would check, I still felt paranoid that might have left a bread crumb somewhere… and there would go my relationship. My girlfriend would confront me on things I couldn’t explain. She’d always expect something and I’d get mad at her for not trusting me, which was completely stupid because I wasn’t trustworthy.

When you live a lie for long enough, you start to convince yourself of it as well and the more lies you tell, you can’t bring yourself to tell the truth about anything. To overcome this, I had to come clean about my addiction and deceptions to my girlfriend

It was incredibly painful, but after six month, I can definitely say that it was worth it. I started to tell the truth knowing that my girlfriend could have left me for it, but it turned out that all she ever really wanted was honesty.

Once I gave up porn, I didn’t have to hide anymore. If I made a mistake, I could admit to it. I didn’t have to pretend to be perfect. So, now when my girlfriend asks me what I did today, I can tell her the unedited version of what I really did. I no longer have to worry about hurting her, ever again.

 

5. You understand what it means to be in control.

We all know that addictions are not limited to porn or sex. The human mind is an amazing thing and it can turn almost anything into a drug. A&E has a show dedicated to people with addictions from everything from alcohol and heroin to food and shopping.

Once I dropped the porn from my daily routine, my brain still wanted the dopamine it was used to. I understand that it is incredibly easy to fall back into the same habit with a whole new fix. But when you apply what you learned from your addiction to other aspects of your life, it helps you make the best choices.

If there is one thing I’ve learned from this journey, it’s this: You’re an adult now and if you make bad choices, no one is going to stop you. When you’re a kid, your parents limited the time you’d spend watching TV, they’d make you eat your vegetable before dessert, you had to clean your bedroom if you wanted your allowance.

Well, you’re all grown up now. Are you going to eat McDonald’s everyday? Are you going to rack up your credit cards until you’re bankrupt? Are you going to drink until you throw up each night?

If you do, no one will stop you. They may ask say, “Hey Mike, you might want to cut back on the pizza.” But no one will physically stand in your way. If you keep calling Domino’s, they will keep delivering.

Porn is certainly an example of this. There is a chance that no one will know you’re addicted to it. The only one who can stand in your way is you. I learned to think of all the consequences. I learned to ask myself, do I need this much of this? Is this the best decision? How will this affect me tomorrow? I’m not saying that I obsess over it, but it’s up to me to be my own best friend. That’s what an adult does.

 

6. Things seem possible again.

When I was using porn. It was my crutch. Had a bad day = porn. Fight with a girlfriend = porn. Bored = porn.

dishes in the sinkThings just seemed too damn hard when I was on it. I’ve used the example of my messy apartment a few times, so here it is again. It’s hard to image what was really stopping me from just getting up and doing the dishes each day. Now it’s no surprise.

Add up all the previous points on this list and there was a guy who:

  1. Didn’t do anything with himself
  2. People didn’t want to be around him
  3. Was afraid of intimacy
  4. Was living a lie
  5. Had no self-control.

It’s no wonder life felt so difficult each day. I wanted an excuse to watch porn so I’d look for reasons to feel tired, stressed and overwhelmed.

Once I gave up porn, after a while, I gained the perspective that life really isn’t that bad. Yes, bad things do happen. Things can be tough, but when I’m looking for a crutch every time things don’t go my way, then I see how I’m missing out on the good things.

I’ve been without porn for six months and I now:

  1. Work hard at my job and school and have acquired many more useful skills that I’m proud of
  2. I’m the type of person people want to have around
  3. I love intimacy and sex with my girlfriend again
  4. I’m up front and honest
  5. I do my best to control myself and make the right decisions

bigstock-Man-Jumping-in-Sun-Rays-13239839All of these are things I wanted to accomplish, all things I wanted to become. I know I can do them. I don’t have to feel held up by anything because life doesn’t feel so heavy anymore. Life feels like it is worth living.

I truly believe that life will only continue to get better from here and it can be the same way for you. If you find yourself exhausted and overwhelmed as you just begin to quit your addiction, then know that this is what you have to look forward to.

Recognize that there will be slip ups, problems, and road blocks along the way, but you’re trading a bunch of pixels of naked people on a computer monitor for a real life with happiness, success and freedom. Never forget that.


25 comments on “6 Things That Get Better After Quitting Porn

  1. Brian Parks on said:

    Great motivating post. Thanks for sharing your story, Ian.

    I also experienced the same benefits after recovering.

    I might also add that after overcoming my addiction, I physically felt 10x better. Part of it is because I replaced my porn habit with other, more positive healthy habits, but I think there’s also a physical aspect to the guilt and shame of having an addiction that doesn’t get talked about much. 6 months after recovering, I felt more energetic and much less physical stress.

    • Mikey See on said:

      Keep it up bro. As the hours days and weeks go by without porn you are becoming stronger and stronger and people of both sexes will start to notice the new you.

    • Jack Off on said:

      There’s nothing wrong with porn, there is no reason to hide nor be ashamed of it. Have some self discipline and watch it on occasions. The guilt and shame you are feeling is just a pressure from society. Society deems it as immoral, and dirty for what? It makes you feel good and relieves stress? Grow up, have self discipline and realize that there is nothing wrong with porn.

      • Compulsion Solutions on said:

        Hey J.O. — You got a wife or girlfriend? How do you think it feels for her that you can’t get the real prize….intimacy? How does it REALLY feel to you that you’re living in reaction to your negative sexual history and pretending to have sex with lotsa video girls? That’s old school man. Get my book and/or give me a call and we’ll talk about it. Intimacy (with ONE person) is the REAL prize. It cost me 45 years of my life and two great wives to find this out. Don’t let that happen to you. George

  2. Cody N on said:

    Very true post. My marriage has seen some tough times. I did this constantly, lying to my partner, hiding, and doing it again. But stick it out and get over this, and your life will be much better, trust me.

  3. Thanks, what you say is true, one can not live a false life watching pornography because it is like living in a fantasy world without limits, that ends up making you slave and leaving aside all your progress in life or your goals, even your daily goals as simple as exercise or paint the fence, and it’s sad when you want to have sex discover you’ve lived in a world of lies.

  4. ahmed akram on said:

    i also experienced the same feeling and i think now i am much better than the previous time now i am physically fit and healthy my concentration is perfectly good now i can invest my time

  5. Mikey See on said:

    This is such a true post. I have stopped watching porn for the last 3 months and I can tell you it’s a better life. I’m in front of a computer many hours a day in the privacy of my own home and have easy access but choose not to view it because I feel so much better spiritually, emotionally etc.. without it. I didn’t know that I had a problem until I viewed information about the negative impacts of porn use on the person and I said to myself I fit into this mold. Porn use puts you in an emotional prison and if you keep watching it you will become the dishwasher in that prison.

  6. jugalraj on said:

    100% true what you have said. Great article. Sadly not everyone is aware. It should definetely be part of sex education so youngsters do not fall prey to sex.

    I have already started my journey of noporn and deleted almost 35 GB of porn content.

    Thanks Again

  7. Why would i want to replace porn with more healthy habits when i like instant gratification and dont think sex is very important in a relationship(well, at least my other half is not openly complaining yet)? More often than not “healthy” things are tasteless, boring stuff.

    • Compulsion Solutions on said:

      Whew! Intimacy my friend. intimacy. Into-me-you-see. I was 48 years old before I realized the difference between “just” sex and this thing called intimacy. The REAL prize in NOT just F-ing people or mindless masturbation but true deep connection. My parents couldn’t teach me this. They didn’t know it. The kids in the locker room didn’t know either. I blew 2 marriages (to really fine women) before I GOT it. Instant gratification’s a joke compared to the phenomenal feelings that are produced by working at achieving true emotional/sexual connection. Really.
      – George

  8. Anthony on said:

    You girlfriend would really break up with you for watching porn? That is pathetic! This is 2014. Try watching it together – can be fun, as long as you maintain a loving relationship with her.

    • Axel on said:

      I agree… If she breaks up with you just bcos porn it’s bcos she didn’t really love you.

    • Bikada on said:

      You’d let your girlfriend leave you over porn? It’s 2014 maybe it’s time to stop objectifying women. If porn is that important maybe you don’t really lve her.

      • Compulsion Solutions on said:

        Yeah, as I’ve said many times, true intimacy is what we are really looking for. One person…..all the way….mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Because we never learned intimacy from our parents, we live in reaction to our history of objectification and sexualization. That’s what we know. There’s MORE! George

  9. Derrick on said:

    Wow every part of this is true. Even as I was reading it and being motivated by it I was thinking to myself, ok what am I going to go do with the rest of my day? And the rest of my life? And I found myself thinking briefly let me just rub one out real quick and then BAM I snap back to what I am reading and how it makes all perfect sense. Then it empowers me even more to continue.

  10. George,

    Firstly, I have just finished reading and working through Breaking the Cycle, and I’d like to thank-you. I went into it looking for practical tips for ‘curing myself’, however the book far exceeded that for me. I was not expecting to start coming to an understanding as to to the ‘why’ of how I have behaved in terms of my ‘stories’.

    Secondly, I note you quote Gary Wilson. It is through his website that allowed me to put the pieces together and realise that my behaviour is not normal or healthy. Do you think his hypothesis is plausible? I have gone down the doctor route who just packed me off with some viagra and told me porn was fine. And it seemed to me he didn’t really understand the addiction aspect at all, 26 year old healthy guys don’t need viagra. To clarify I most definitely am a serious / (recovering) porn addict.

    There is still a part of me that doubts everything because my doctor said porn is healthy, and overuse can’t desensitise yourself to real sex. Maybe I’m in the wrong for doubting the understanding of my doctor and seeing more sense in your book (in terms of addiction/psychological cause) and Gary Wilson in terms of a possible PIED.

    Many thanks for your wonderful book once again,
    Pete

    • Compulsion Solutions on said:

      Pete, Great to hear from you. Glad that you “get” my book. Yes, Gary and I are in general agreement. Really, Porn is NOT healthy. A real live partner and intimacy IS healthy. I’ve found that, generally speaking, the folks who say that porn is “good” are using it themselves. In that case their criteria is skewed. YOU are fine. Your Essence is telling you, “NO.” Believe that. Work the book. Do your dialogues. Let the tools “land.” Make them yours. Be careful of “selective reading.” Your addict sub-personality will be reading too. “It” will try to skip over stuff and not do the homework. By the way, we do phone and Skype counseling with many men in the UK. We go through the book chapter by chapter to make sure that our clients GET it. We will, also, have an on line course (paralleling the book) up and running in a month or so. Stay tuned and DO THE WORK. The quality of your life depends on it. We’re right here to help if you need it. Best, George

  11. sukhbir on said:

    great post; gives so much to start to quit; thanks

    • Compulsion Solutions on said:

      Sukbir, Yes, It’s true. Read our books. We’re here to help. Working, via phone or Skype, with one of us enhances the process. If you just read the books by yourself there will be “selective” reading.”This means that “the addict” within you will be reading too, and “he” will skip over important thoughts and not want to do the homework. We help you actualize the material and thus change your mind about your sexuality. It works. Get the sexual life you REALLY want and deserve. It worked for me. It will work for you. Best, George

  12. Axel on said:

    I have a doubt: What’s more harmful porn or masturbation? I gave up fapping one month ago, but I’m still browsing internet and downloading porn. I guess I’m not going to notice any benefits until I quit porn.

  13. Billington on said:

    I became hooked on Porn around 96 when the internet was in its infancy. As aIT geek I had internet and had access to it all from forums and websites. I can say it has messed up a lot of things for me in my life and I found myself at one stage spending whole days and nights watching the stuff. Feeling awful afterwards only to repeat the cycle the next day or even the same evening. I am still fighting this and its very difficult as my brain has seen a lot of it and has become addicted to it. Thanks for this site- I envy your will power however God willing I will beat this damn thing. I also send a prayer for all those in the same situation. Amazing how society has been taken over by this filth which in turn makes it even harder to quit.

    • Compulsion Solutions on said:

      So glad to hear that our site has helped with the porn issue. I hope that you’ve gotten a copy of my book, “Breaking the Cycle.” I’m happy to say that it’s been on the top of amazon’s best seller list for the last two years. If you work those chapters hard, you’ll get even better. And, remember, we’re always here for you to do individual work (via phone or Skype). Many men work the chapters WITH one of us. That way you “make the book yours.” Again, congratulations on your recovery.
      George

  14. Caleb on said:

    I’ve been struggling with porn for a few years and all I can say is I’m tired of it and the negative impact it has had. I’m posting this after feeling the depression of porn sneak in one too many times. This comment is my stance against it and my proclamation that things are finally looking up. Thanks for the post and here’s to a better life for all those who share in my goal. Thanks for the confidence to get my life back.

    • Compulsion Solutions on said:

      Caleb, Glad to hear from you. My best recommendation would be to read my book, “Breaking the Cycle,” and DO the homework. Watch out for selective reading (your addict will be reading too and will skip over stuff and not want to do the homework). If you want to REALLY purge this from your life give me a call. You could work with (and be accountable TO) one of my counselors via phone or Skype. We go through the chapters with you and help you make the book “yours.” It works. Good luck. Best, George

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