CONTACT US NOW | (925) 932-0201
YELLING in a Porn Shop - a Porn Addict Says ENOUGH! by George Collins, MA
YELLING in a Porn Shop - a Porn Addict Says ENOUGH! by George Collins, MA
This is an amazing story about a client who was stuck in his recovery and needed something to shake things up. Watch the video first then read below.
In the video I share a story about a client who screamed "I hate this shit" as loud as he could in a porn shop that he went to -- often. I know the place because I used to go there years ago when I was a sex addict.
Free Yourself from the Addiction of Compulsive Thinking
As Eckhart Tolle, author of the "Power of Now" and other books, wrote, “This kind of compulsive thinking is actually an addiction. What characterizes an addiction? Quite simply this: you no longer feel that you have the choice to stop. It seems stronger than you. It also gives you a false sense of pleasure, pleasure that invariably turns into pain” (Tolle 1999, 14.)
How can you get free of these voices? The first step, which might be clear by now, is to realize that you have your own amphitheater and you can turn on the lights. First, imagine this dark arena. There are seats, but you can't see them yet because the light are out. This is your own amphitheater. Illuminating the amphitheater will allow you to see what part of you is talking and demanding that you take an action that could have negative consequences. You can identify your sexually compulsive stories and coping strategies from the past that are stored there in the darkness, the voices that prompt you to act out sexually. You can do this by using a simple technique of listening to yourself and creating a dialogue.
If you keep the lights on in your amphitheater and a situation arises in which you hear a voice encouraging you to act out sexually, telling you that you’ll feel better, making excuses, or even calling you a wuss, you can talk back to it. These voices and your behaviors feel automatic, but they’re not. It’s your amphitheater. It’s happening within you. You have the power of the light switch. You can turn on the lights and see who is talking.
Maybe it’s not an amphitheater in your case. You can make it a TV studio, a stadium, or even keep it an amphitheater. It doesn’t matter if it’s a circus tent. What matters is that you hear what I call your negative sub-personalities talking. Again, the point of this chapter is to realize that you’re in the dark, but you have a choice. You can turn on the lights and stop being run by these dark parts of you.
What I did with this client in the video is something that you can do with the addict sub-personality you meet in your amphitheater. You can continue to speak these negative sub-personalities wherever you are. If you’re sitting at your computer looking at porn, at a strip club, or with a prostitute, you can even imagine me being there with you to bring in a dose of reality. You can imagine me saying to you, “The woman is acting like she likes you, but how would she act if you weren’t paying her?”
You are not your addict. You are not your story. And... YOU ARE NOT YOUR MIND!
If you want to understand this better, and be entertained, watch the video.
"*" indicates required fields
I think my husband is a sex addict. I have not approached him yet, however he spends lots of time on his computer even late at night. He has made purchase's from Epoch.com a billing site for porn, numerous times through our joint checking. I am able to see every transaction made. I typically do not use funds from this account, as I only sign off on checks when he asks me to.
What is your advice on how I should approach him regarding the above stated? If I mention to him that I can see the transactions, I am not sure what he will do!!??
He never leaves his cell phone unattended, and even brings it with him while walking the dog.
Glad you contacted us. It's important that you do SOMETHING....and soon. Seems like you should have enough mutual trust to be able to confront him after you do a little research on his computer and phone. This is a progressive disorder and will absolutely ruin his (and your) life if it isn't challenged and overcome. If you DON'T do something it will get WAY worse. We are here to help you both. Our books, "Breaking the Cycle" and "A Couple's Guide to Sexual Addiction" are best sellers on amazon.com. Give me a call if you need to talk.
Best, George Collins, Director (925) 932 0201
The idea of talking to your own amphitheater is a good one. I noticed that whenever the desire to watch porn sprang up I would become this other person. A Mr Hyde. Day to day I'm a gentle guy who respects Women and does his best to treat them well, but when the desire to watch porn comes up I become an animal, not caring what these women go through. I don't want to be that man anymore.