If your partner is dealing with porn addiction or sex addiction, Valentine's Day probably doesn't engender feelings of connectedness and warmth. As partners of sex addicts, it may simply make your blood boil, or it could cause you to feel like you just want to crawl in a hole and avoid the very mention of hearts, candy, cupid, and love.

So what is your bottom line? When was the last time that you did something for yourself — really devoted your considerable energy to taking care of yourself, nurturing yourself, and pleasing yourself. If you look past all those mushy cards, roses, and chocolate will you see that you can't remember when you did something for yourself because you have been working so hard to please someone else? Have you "over-invested" in a relationship that does not nurture you?

Maybe Valentine's Day is the day to take stock of where you are in your relationship. Are you wondering how in the world you wound up in a situation where you have poured so much of your heart, energy, and spirit into a relationship that has betrayed you?

Much, in fact, most of the time, it is the partners of sex addicts who ring the bell of reality for the sex or porn addict in a way that he finally recognizes that it is time to get some help. It is important for you to take a stand. Until you show respectful love for yourself, you really cannot expect to get it from someone else, especially not from a man who has personal growing to do.

Is this what you may be thinking and wanting to say?

Please don't bring me flowers or candy or a teddy bear for Valentine's Day. Get some help for your addiction. Today. Look in the mirror and face yourself, really face yourself and admit that you have a problem.... a big problem. I can see it so clearly.

 It's red heart day and I have to wonder if you're lusting after the short skirt at the mall. I have to wonder if you're on your computer or phone again doing those things you do.

 Why am I here? What am I doing for myself?  What am I telling our kids?

 I can't stay here if you can't be here with me and really be present. I need you to get off the computer. I need you to come home. What do we mean to each other? Do you even like yourself?

 I admit that I too have a problem — a big problem. I need to respect myself enough to end this if you don't get some help ASAP. Get help now. Or I will have to go.

Even if you are in a dark place in your relationship right now, there is the possibility of rebuilding. We have watched hundreds of couples rebuild their relationship into a connection that is so much closer, more intimate, more real than they imagined was possible. It can all begin with you taking a stand for hearts, for your heart, on this day that celebrates love.

If you are partners of sex addicts, reach out to us today at Neualia Compulsion Solutions -- we can help.