It took losing two wives before I finally admitted to myself that my use of porn was a serious problem. I finally realized that porn and masturbation was running my life. That's when I took the very big step (for me at the time) of calling a therapist to help me.

Porn addiction, and more to the point, what it was doing to my personality, cost me two marriages. As an addict, I was riddled with feelings of shame, self-doubt, fear, and anger towards myself. I realized that any self-respecting woman was not going to subject herself to a partner like me for very long.

I tried to grit my teeth and stop porn addiction by myself. But that didn't work very well. One night in particular I was fighting the urge to use porn in the middle of the night. Of course, by this point, I'd made it a point to get rid of all the porn in the house. This was before the time of instantly available internet porn. My go-to option was to get porn at a video store, which was closed since it was so late at night.

My addiction had such a grip on me, I actually devised a plan in my head to take a cinder block, put it in the trunk of my car, drive to the video store, smash the glass window with the cinder block, and break in to steal porn tapes. I didn't go through with the plan, thankfully, but I think it illustrates how serious a porn addiction can be. It's every bit as powerful as a drug or alcohol addiction.

So if you are wondering how to stop porn addiction, you may be feeling trapped. Sex addictions are powerful, and overcoming it can feel completely overwhelming. But you are not alone. Addiction can be overcome, and you can start making healthy choices right now. Here's how to get started.

1. Realize That You Need Help

The absolute first step to overcoming any addiction is realizing that you have an addiction in the first place. In AA meetings, everyone introduces themselves as an alcoholic. They are acknowledging, out loud, over and over again, that they have an addiction. It is a part of the healing process. Once you acknowledge that you have a problem, you've taken the first huge step. Understand that being an addict does not define you; this is not who you are at your core, and things can get better.

2. Tell Someone

Tell someone you trust about your struggle with porn. It doesn't necessarily have to be your partner, (yet), but you need to tell someone who you know will be in your corner. Shame is a powerful force. It can cripple you into silence. Telling someone about your struggle takes shame's power away. It throws open a window and lets the light in.

Choose someone you trust. Someone you know will be supportive and kind. And tell them now. Secrets fester in the darkness. Throwing light on them brings so much relief and freedom.

3. Don't Go It Alone

Your pride might be telling you that you can handle this by yourself. That with enough willpower, you can kick the habit without any help. But here's the thing: there is tremendous strength in asking for help. There is power in vulnerability.

I got an extra part time job just to earn enough money to get counseling. And with help, I started to be able to get through the day without sneaking off to look at porn and masturbate. I started to stop by calling someone, by reaching out for help from someone experienced in how to stop porn addiction. I clearly couldn't do it myself.

Without putting in the hard work to change the way your brain works, you won't be able to overcome your addiction. No one recovers from porn addiction in a vacuum. Addiction requires looking beyond yourself for help and guidance. Join a program. Talk to a counselor. Read some good books on the subject.

4. Stop Watching Porn

Clear out your computer completely. Get rid of any physical media you have at home (burn it if you have to.) Lock your computer and smartphone down with serious parental control and/or accountability software. If you really want to overcome an addiction, you have to cut it off at the source.

Accountability software programs have gained in popularity, specifically for waylaying your access to pornography sites, because they not only block your access but also report to your accountability partners (yes, they will know) your attempts to access these sites. One big characteristic of acting out is secrecy, so having an accountability partner who gets a report as to your searches may be an extra shot in the arm.

Buy an ancient flip phone if you have to. Get rid of your unlimited data plan and turn off your wifi connectivity. Delete potentially tempting apps like Snapchat and Tinder. Disable the porn machine that lives in your pocket all day long.

If you are tempted to return to your addiction because of your environment, change it. There's a reason that alcoholics do not work as bartenders (well, recovering alcoholics anyway). You have to remove yourself from the tempting stimuli, which looks different for everyone.

5. Break Your "Habit Loop"

Breaking a habit loop is a relatively simple, concrete way to start overcoming your porn addictions. Your goal is to identify the cues that trigger your porn surfing routine and then to substitute that routine with something else while keeping the reward the same. Each time you do that, you're creating a new reward connection that can eventually become stronger than your porn routine connection. With porn use, the reward your brain is craving is dopamine, so the most effective way to hack your habit loop is to replace it with something that gives you that hit.

Think of your compulsive sexual behavior as energy. More specifically, think of it as water that is used to flow in both a certain direction and a steady pace. Attempting to corral or control the water (i.e. building a wall) is often futile unless you have both a plan and resources. Think of yourself as a gatekeeper or traffic cop determining and organizing where energy (feelings and thoughts) needs to go.

Here are some things to put in the gap:

• Start working out. (Bonus: this is also a great way to up your happy-hormones and relieves stress.)
• Read books.
• Learn how to do practical things with your hands, like fix a car, basic woodworking, or how to be handy around your house.
• Learn a musical instrument.
• Learn to ride a motorcycle.
• Paint or draw.
• Call a friend who can make you laugh.
• Take a nap.

Idle hands breed far too much jerking off. Keep yourself busy enough doing productive things and you won't have any choice but to stop watching porn. There are literally a million things you could be doing with your time that will make you a better man. Pick one and start now.

Turn off your computer, stop scrolling on your phone, and go to sleep at a reasonable hour. Consistently. You might be amazed at how much better you feel when your alarm goes off and you've stopped watching porn until 2:00 am every night.

6. Take a Stand Against Your Addict

Overcoming an addiction really begins when you learn how to take a stand against your addict self. When you can stand up and declare (either out loud, or silently), that you are now taking back control of your life, your actions and your relationships, you gain a position of power over your compulsions.

Years ago, I signed up for a silent retreat, which required that the participants not talk for an entire week. I went into this retreat with good intentions, but by the first night, I was already second-guessing my participation. Around 2 am, I woke up with a voice in my head saying, "Get outta here. What are you doing? These are just a bunch of hippie weirdos. You can do something else."

The voice wasn't necessarily wrong. I could leave, but I'd made a commitment not to. I tried to ignore the voice, and eventually went back to sleep.

For two more nights, I kept hearing the same voice urging me to leave, but by this point in the retreat, I began seeing the value in staying silent. I was actually getting something out of this personal practice, and wanted to see it through. Here was my moment. My time to make a stand against this voice.

So on the third night when the voice started in my head, I sat up in bed and said, "Either kill me, or shut the **** up!" (You can fill in the blank). After taking a stand, the voice didn't come back. I found I was able to sleep easily each night for the remainder of the retreat.

You too can take a stand. You've probably noticed negative voices in your head urging you to give up on your recovery efforts. The addict part of you, the addict voice, might be telling you it's too hard, or too silly. When you begin to see this voice for what it is, a desperate attempt for your addiction to grab one last foothold, you can feel stronger against it, and push it away.

Now I teach others what I most needed to learn: That you are not your addict, and your addict is not you. I teach them to talk back to their addict. Talking to your addict demystifies your story, and takes some of its power away. People might want to tell you that talking to yourself will make you go crazy. I counter that by saying that it will actually make you go sane.

7. Walk, Don't Run

Sex addiction recovery is much more like a marathon rather than a sprint. Much will be required of and from you in your pursuit of sobriety. Many of my clients initially look for the quick sprint to the finish line, seeing the recovery process as a linear line with clear goals and boundaries. It is instead more arduous, with twists and turns and unforeseen pitfalls....and blessings.

It's easy to get overwhelmed when we have a large project sitting before us. It's best to break it into smaller, more manageable chunks. Set achievable, realistic goals that support your sobriety and lessen the chances of you acting out sexually.

Recovery will frankly knock you on your ass a few times. People familiar with 12-step programs resonate with the notion that there are distinct differences between a lapse, a relapse, and a collapse. Another idea is to make the distinction between a slip and a slide. Know ahead of time that you will likely act out during your recovery from porn and sex addiction. This will test your mettle. The ability to both regroup and learn from your mistakes plays a major role in not giving up.

A few hours or days of freedom ending with falling back into old habits, often leading to feelings of shame and self-loathing, is normal. But you don't have to feel trapped forever. There is always, always hope to break free from addiction.

8. Feed the Beast You Want to Win

You can't overcome an addiction unless you really want to overcome it. The desire to recover has to be yours. Not your spouse's. Not your partner's. Not your parent's. Yours.

If two powerful beasts are engaged in a struggle, you've got to feed the beast you want to win. Feeding the right beast will ensure it ultimately wins the battle. It's the same with porn. Starve the addiction, and you will start to gain ground. Once you choose to leave porn behind, your brain will actually start to heal. The pathways that porn carved into your brain can be healed and rerouted once porn is out of the picture.

So what do you really want? Do you want porn? Or do you want a healthier relationship with your partner? Do you want lonely, sad solo-sex? Or do you want a fantastic, mutually satisfying sex life with someone you actually care about? The choice has to be yours.

The Bad Advice Your Addict Will Give You

Do any of these thoughts sound familiar?

• I don't need to quit porn completely, maybe just cut back.
• Everyone does it. How bad can it be?
• It's not hurting anyone.
• Porn is everywhere; how can I even avoid it?
• If sex is natural, then porn is natural too, right?
• When I'm in a relationship, this won't be an issue anymore.

Anything that's a struggle to give up holds some kind of power over you. If you find yourself negotiating with yourself like this and making excuses for your behavior, take that as a red flag.

Start Today

If you want to overcome your pornography addiction, you have to want something so much more than you want the temporary reward of porn. So what do you want? A healthy marriage? An incredible sex life? A mind that is clear and free and focused? Fantastic. And you can have all of these things and more. And it starts with breaking free from porn.

Taking the first step toward recovery may be the hardest step. So you have to know that you can and will recover if you work hard and stick with it. There is hope. There is help. You can heal your brain, and you don't have to do it alone.

Start here by contacting us at Neulia Compulsion Solutions. Start today.