A key deterrent in your getting help in recovery from compulsive sexual behavior is the feeling that you're alone in this battle. This belief leads to further isolation, further procrastination in getting help, and further suffering. If you’ve already been down this road then you know these words, this system so to speak, rings true and usually ends up in the same results—rinse and repeat.

Going it alone does not work. But reaching out for help and admitting to not only yourself but to others that you are indeed struggling and maybe addicted to pornography and/or sex can be daunting. I will speak to options for help later but for now I would like for you to consider, really consider, that you are not alone. Consider the overall shared experience of others and realize that you indeed do not suffer from “terminal uniqueness.”

Shared Experience

It’s really tempting when you’re wrapped up in a feeling of like addiction and the feelings associated with that reality—shame, guilt, and anxiety—that no one else could be experiencing it quite the same way as you. Too often we forget, that actually, everybody has his or her “thing.” Sure, addiction might be it for you or even when it doesn’t feel quite as strong as an addiction but rather an undercurrent of temptation and persistent thoughts, but other people too struggle.

For someone else, there will be anger, always, frustrated, impatient. For someone else it might be sadness or even depression. For someone else it might be high anxiety or a strong habit of compulsion or addiction. Everybody, all of us, has our “thing.”

It’s not something permanent, it’s not something unchanging but it will be a predominant pattern…and that’s our thing, or opportunity, to work with that forms the basis of our investigation into the mind. Without it we would not be able to understand our mind, ourselves, in the same way—hence, the opportunity, or gift. It’s difficult to see this when we are in addictive pattern that this could be a gift. But rather than see that thing as something as permanent or an obstacle in some way, actually by witnessing your compulsive sexual behavior, coming and going, we get to understand it…understand the relationship between the thought and the feeling(s).

So, just remembering this idea of shared experience, that all of us have a predominant pattern. It just so happens that ours might one of addiction makes it no worse and no better.

Getting Help

There are many options now for people who struggle with compulsive sexual behavior. If you are serious about your recovery, then the more tools you have, the better. Look into individual counseling with a trained professional who understands compulsive sexual behavior. Consider participating in a group that specializes in this area—church groups and SLAA or SA groups. Work on understanding your behavior and the root causes but more importantly realize that you are not alone in this battle and reaching and including others in your pursuit of recovery is not only wise but also necessary.