I teach clients suffering from sex addiction and porn addiction how to shed light on the mental and emotional parts of themselves that produce sexually compulsive behavior. Similar to the characters or actors in a story or movie, every one of us has these immature complexes or sub-personalities within ourselves might never grow up if we don’t SEE them, then manipulate them into mature thoughts and actions. I teach my clients to do this through he use of dialogue. In essence, I get them to talk to themselves. Men say to me, “If I talk to myself I’ll go crazy.” I say back to them, “No my friend, if you talk to yourself, using this method, you’ll go sane.”
MY CLIENT DIALOGUES WITH “ACCEPTANCE” in his struggle to accept himself
Me: Ok, so George suggested a dialogue with someone called Acceptance to see if he would accept me. I’ve felt really funny about it, I mean if he is acceptance, then why wouldn’t he accept me. I’m not that bad. Ok, so let me ask him out her and see what he has to say.
Acceptance: Hi, my name is Acceptance. I’m able to accept all things, all people as they are. Even that which was, heretofore unacceptable, I can accept.
Me: So the question is this, can you accept me?
Acceptance: Why do you ask, what makes you think I wouldn’t/couldn’t?
ME: Well, you don’t know me. I’m an addict, I’m addicted to pornography, masturbation, I can’t seem to take a drink without taking another one, then another one until I’m drunk. I’ve spent most of my life in shame, I’ve not nearly lived up to my potential, I’ve wasted vast segments of time. In short I am a wretch. A sinner. I’ve tried everything, from drugs to meditation, therapy, yoga, everything that you can think of to better myself, yet I can’t erase my history. I’ve done what I’ve done.
A: So you seem to think that my acceptance only comes when you’ve been good, when you’ve done everything right.
Me: Well doesn’t it, that’s what I was taught anyway.
A: Well, who taught you that?
Me; well, everyone of course, my parents, my teachers, the neighbor next door, society, everywhere.
A: Well, not here, here we just accept. And here we don’t accept because your good or bad, or in spite of your failings, or because of your failings, we just accept.
Me: C’mon your kidding me, that’s way too easy, shouldn’t I have to work, to earn your acceptance?
A: First of all, take a look at yourself, look at how hard you have worked, how you’ve worked in therapy for so many years. How you’ve worked with George. Now how your working with meditation, with yoga. So in that sense, you’ve already worked way hard enough. Yet, I accept you because that is my nature, that’s who I am, I accept for acceptance sake. It’s nice you did all the work, it’s good that you did all the work. Still though, I accept because that is my nature, and I would accept you even if you hadn’t done a lick of work. That’s not the same as saying you’ve wasted time doing this work. It was good work, it was hard work, and you are the better for it. Yet, again, my nature is acceptance. You may call me god within if you like, you may call me divinity, that’s not so important, what is important is that since it is my nature to accept, then I accept you without conditions. And it’s important for you to know that I am you and you are me. We are really one.
Me: Ok, well you’re blowing my mind a little so I’m gonna stop here for a bit and let myself relax into this.
A: Ok, that’s fine.
George Collins is the author of the best seller on sex addiction, “Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself from Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame” and is the founder and director of Compulsion Solutions. As a recovering sex addict, he didn’t just go to college and read about sexually compulsive behavior. He lived “the life” and got over it.
George and his team practice from their offices in Walnut Creek, California in person and via phone with men and women from all over the world who are suffering from the results of sexually compulsive behavior. They also offer counseling and support for wives and partners. As a recognized expert, he’s appeared as a guest on local, national, and international radio and television shows.