Like many men, I thought my pornography sexual addiction was a dirty little secret known only to me. However, my wife started picking up on the “signs,” such as how I was not really “there” in our relationship, how I frequently had trouble “finishing” during sex, and how I had a general lack of interest in our marriage. In other words, although we’d been together for years, we had become more like roommates.

Of course, I didn’t think of myself as a sex addict and I definitely didn’t think I needed pornography addiction help. But when my wife put all the “signs” together and discovered that I was looking at a lot of porn, and had been doing so through years of our relationship, my marriage was at the edge of a cliff — and about to be shoved to its death. 

Her Disgust and My Shame

The truth is that my wife was totally disgusted that I was using porn — and with me. I felt the shame of her disgust as well as the shame of being unable to stop my behavior. I reluctantly realized that I had a major life choice to make: Porn or my marriage. 

If it’s not already obvious, the truth is that when porn invades a marriage — not unlike a terrorist intent on blowing up the relationship — there’s a major disruption, diversion, and disconnect, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. The only solution is porn addiction therapy.

I Wouldn’t Trust Me Either

As soon as my wife learned the truth about my porn use, the trust that we had built up over years and years was gone, instantly, like — to use this metaphor again — a terrorist detonating a suicide vest in the middle of a crowded market. 

Yes. It was that bad. And porn is kind of like a terrorist just waiting to “commit suicide” on your relationship.

Facing Up to the Devastation You Caused

Although I’d of course heard the word “betrayal,” until I was confronted by a tormented and crying wife, I never really understood the consequences associated with that word. An addict could be an alcoholic or use drugs, but that’s not the same betrayal as being a sex addict. 

With porn use and being addicted to sex, the wife has, in a sense, an online competitor who is beautiful, sexy, and willing. In the throes of betrayal, a wife or partner will ask herself if she is attractive enough. 

In short, when a wife or girlfriend knows her boyfriend or husband is spending hours looking at other naked woman, it can be a devastating form of betrayal. Even though it may realistically have nothing to do with the wife’s attractiveness, the wife’s self-esteem can still be shattered — as well as the trust with her husband. That’s exactly what happened with me.

Porn Addiction Therapy — or Divorce

After more than a little bit of me begging and pleading, my wife agreed to give me a month’s reprieve — as long as I sought porn addiction recovery. What to do next? 

I started with a therapist in my area, but quickly realized that I needed a specialist. After all, the sad truth was that I’d been dealing with my porn use since I was — believe it or not — ten. Yes. I definitely needed a counselor who focused exclusively on porn addiction help.

Porn Woman versus Real Woman

After searching and trying other alternatives for pornography addiction help, I found George Collins, who had written a best-selling book and Neulia-Compulsion Solutions. George has been there and knows what he’s talking about.

When my wife saw me making changes, not just in my porn use but in how I was relating to her, she gave me more marital “probation time.” As I kept working on my porn addiction treatment, my intimacy with my wife improved to the point where she told me that she felt our marriage was becoming better than it had been – ever! How could that be? Because I had learned not only to stop my porn use , but how to truly have a close and intimate connection with a real woman. 

Death of the Porn Terrorist

If you didn’t know, and type of addict’s closest relationship is typically with his addiction. That doesn’t leave a lot of room for other relationships. In particular, porn kind of rewires your brain and negatively impacts your relationships. Porn is fantasy, which means it’s not about reality, or intimacy, with a real person. What does that mean? 

It means that during my continual porn use my wife didn’t really have a lover, which explains why she felt so unfulfilled during sex and in our relationship in general. Why is that the case? Because porn addicts, as I mentioned, have no idea about what real intimacy means or how to achieve it.

I won’t BS you. It took a lot of work and a lot of time to “kill” the porn terrorist inside me, though less time than I used to spend watching porn. I not only stopped using porn, I changed my entire existence so that I was no longer destroying my life and my marriage. So, in a real sense, learning how to stop porn addiction and porn addiction therapy saved my life.

A shortcut to determining if you need porn addiction help — and want to save your relationship and yourself from the “porn terrorist” hell-bent on destroying your life —  is to take the Online Quiz at https://compulsionsolutions.com/am-i-addicted-men/

Good luck! Because your life can turn out as great as mine.