Living With Someone Who Does Not Seem Interested In YOU?

I have a few hard questions for you to think about:

 

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    • Are you in a relationship that is not healthy for you?

 

    • Are you scared of intimacy or of being alone? (Maybe you’re scared of both.)

 

    • Do you believe that deep down you are really a terribly flawed human being who doesn’t deserve to be anything but sad, lonely, and unhappy — someone waiting to be dumped because you just don’t “measure up.”

 

    • Do you believe you need a boob job, a nose job, or to lose a lot of weight?

 

    • Do you believe you need a complete and utter re-make?

 

    • Or maybe you feel you are so bad off that all of the above would never be enough?

 

    • If you didn’t have these beliefs would you be sticking around in your relationship?

 

    • Would you really be hanging around waiting to be abused, ignored or to be constantly compared to the airbrushed fantasy pictures of incredibly young, sexy women that your partner constantly watches on the Internet?

 

    • And would you spend your time checking his cell phone for all of the numbers he calls and pictures he downloads?

 

    • Why are you in this relationship?  Do you deserve to be partnered with someone who is always checking out other women or watching them or contacting them? What is your reason for staying?

 

    • Have you tried to ignore this behavior because you are terrified of being without a man to protect you and show the world that you are loved? If this is true are you really protected in any way?

 

    • Or are you being betrayed, ignored and shamed? Do you respect yourself or blame yourself?

 

These are hard questions to face, but you can face them and reach out for help because you do not have to live this way. My clients are all women who have experienced this misery; they are hurt, sad, and angry women who have sold themselves short. Their pain is heart-breaking. Their self-blame and loss of self respect moves me to tears. But they are reaching out because they have come to a place of incredible pain.

 

They are also the most courageous and brave women that I have ever known because they are taking the first step to recovery. From a position of shame and degradation they are coming into the light of becoming whole.

 

I know a beautiful woman who has re-claimed herself. In the process she relived enormous pain, opened her raw and bleeding wounds and exposed them to the air. It was so painful that I shed tears with and for her. She lost her beautiful big house, faced bankruptcy, but found the self that she had slowly, over time, surrendered to a heart-breaking marriage. Today she has restarted her career and is living in a modest home with her young sons filled with love and laughter. She glows with health and her own inner light.

 

I also work with a woman who woke up wanting to be done with her life but she had a small child to raise — a scared little girl who refused to go to school and threw tantrums. This woman made a phone call and faced her fears that she had carried around seemingly forever. She called in desperation. She found the courage to give her husband a choice: get help or leave. From that difficult point they have struggled and grown in immeasurable ways. Today they face their lives openly. Their journey continues.

 

Where are you? What’s your story? 

 

2 thoughts on “Living With Someone Who Does Not Seem Interested In YOU?

  1. Matt

    I can tell you first hand that I have been married for more then 25 years and for all of that time with the exception of the time that I have worked with George I have lived in my story. Now that I have become aware of the truth and realize how ridiculous the entire story is / was, I am having a very hard time in becoming intimate with my wife. I am sure that this appears to her that I am not interested in being with her sexually and this is really the farthest thing from the truth. I struggle with small signs of affection let alone being able to reach out and make love to her. I have made lots of progress in understanding the power this addiction has had over my mind. I just want to express to others out there that what I really need is to have some understanding because when I should have been developing emotionally / sexually I was lost in the story that drove me and drove me to keep hiding from love and intimacy. Today, I know what I want and need yet I have so much fear in actually allowing it to touch me in a true and loving way. I work on this each and every day. I do hope that I will over come this obstacle soon as I have so many others along this battle.

    1. Mishka's Life

      Great comment Matt! I completely can relate to what you are saying. I am the wife of a recovering sex addict and those issues affect my relationship every day!

      First, I want to just to say that it is wonderful that you have taken those incredibly hard steps to change your life. It’s hard, so hard … and I know how tough it is every deal to deal with the traumas from his past. In fact, that has probably been what has kept me with him … I feel so much for that little boy.

      AND, I know personally how hard it must be for your wife. As much as I intellectually can understand what is stopping my hubby from intimacy …. it’s something that I crave, craved for many, many years. It is definitely hard not to take it personally.

      So, I think the best thing that we can all do for ourselves and our relationships is to have compassion and love for ourselves …. first. Then we can TRULY have compassion for our spouse. Both spouses need it …. If we can have understanding, compassion and support EQUALLY for both partners, then healing and moving forward CAN happen!

      Matt, thanks for your BRAVE comment. I know you can overcome this last step. It is a HUGE struggle for my hubby too …. but I know that if you have taken the amazing steps and worked this hard already, you CAN do it. You BOTH deserve it!

      I talk about our journey of sex addiction on my blog. You can check it out at http://mishkawifeofsexaddict.blogspot.com/

      Good luck my friend!!!!

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