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Porn addiction often tries to wag the dog. The term “wag the dog” is used to describe a situation where something of lesser significance begins to control something of greater significance. So in other words, while it's usually the dog who is wagging its tail, what if the tail could somehow gain control and wag the dog?
In the grand scheme of things, you as an individual with hopes and dreams and goals ought to be more important than a compulsion. Yet these compulsions are sneaky… and can often gain control of you. Many addicts feel powerless in the face of their compulsive behaviors. That's why the addictive cycle is able to continue for so long.
Here's the big secret though: you are stronger than your addict self. Porn addiction hasn't really taken control from you; it has simply tricked you into letting it take control. You can take it back.
There is so much physical and mental development going on throughout your childhood. Some people have had more difficult childhoods than others. Many people develop coping mechanisms to help them deal with stressful or traumatic situations, and when these behaviors continue into adulthood, they can become compulsions or addictions.
If you began using porn as a means of self-soothing in times of stress, anger, or fear, you will have a tendency to continue to respond to those emotions in the same way. Think about all the stress, anger and fear associated with adulthood. Your job security, your relationships, your commute, your bills – these can all trigger negative feelings in you. The difference is that you're an adult now, and falling back on your childhood habits can be destructive.
When you were a child, you were very much at the mercy of the people and situations around you. You were not in control then, but now you are an adult. You can take control back.
You can choose how you want to live. If you feel like your addiction is holding you back from living a richer, fuller and happier life, then you can make the choice to leave your addiction behind, and move towards recovery and peace in your life.
Sticking with addiction thus far has let you down. It has interfered with your job, your relationships, your hobbies and your friendships. It has stolen everything from you in an effort to keep you stuck in this rut. Would you rather continue being that lonely kid who couldn't help but objectify women, or would you like to have a deep and meaningful relationship with a real woman who loves you, and whom you love back? This is the difference between sex and intimacy.
Your addiction has taught you that sex is all that matters – but if that's the case, then why do you never feel satisfied? Why do you keep repeating the same destructive behaviors over and over? It's because your addiction is wrong. You can never get enough of what won't satisfy you.
If you're ready to break the cycle of addiction, you can make a move towards a better and fuller life. You don't have to let the tail wag the dog.
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