James Archives - Neulia, by Compulsion Solutions

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Can “Looking” be a Symptom of Sex Addiction?

Can “looking” or ogling be a symptom of your sex compulsion? Does looking trigger you into deep fantasy leading to compulsive sexual thoughts that won’t stop until you act out? Often times “ogling” is a step in the wrong direction for sex addicts, leading to other unhealthy sexual behavior. It hurts spouses too - the […]

Sex Or Porn Detox: 4 Steps

A porn "detox" isn't just willpower — it's a process. Here are the 4 steps to break the cycle and make it actually stick. If you struggle with sexual compulsion behavior, have you tried "detoxing" from porn and/or sex? Detoxes seem to be all the rage. People are removing certain types of foods from their […]

3 Ways To Rebuild Trust In A Relationship Damaged By Sex Addiction

Each couple shares a sort of bank account, not an account built on currency, but rather one supported by trust. When the relationship is impacted by sex addictions or porn addictions, when one of the partners acts out sexually, that partner essentially bankrupts the account. They withdraw a large amount of trust that shakes the […]

Alone vs. Lonely

When working with my male clients who struggle with compulsive sexual behavior, one of the common denominators in the reasons they act out is being alone. Particularly if the behavior is pornography addiction where privacy represents one of the conditions for being able to peruse porn in the first place. A recent client on a […]

Addict is Fake News

Fake news—or a hoax—is making, well, news, a lot these days and has become a buzzword representing misrepresentation and falsehoods. Fake news is written and published with the intent to mislead in order to gain financially or politically, often with sensationalist, exaggerated, or patently false headlines that grab attention. If you are someone who seeks […]

Porn Doc Is In: Disclosure How To & About Support

Porn addiction and sex addiction experts from Compulsion Solutions answer your most pressing questions. We’ll answer your question too… e-mail Porn Doc. Dear Porn Doc, My partner and I are both in recovery. I am at peace with the idea of moving forward from this point being honest and open about my sexual addiction. What I am not so […]

Depression and Sex Addiction

The old adage: What came first, the chicken or the egg? When it comes to the symbiotic relationship between sex addictions and depression, it is often difficult to determine which caused which. When working with people who struggle with compulsive sexual behavior, depression often rides just beneath the surface. One acts out sexually to avoid […]

Disclosing Your Sexual History

One of the most challenging (and daunting!) tasks in sex addiction recovery is disclosing your sexual history to your partner. Since most of it may be attributed to a progressive addiction, what you put down reveals much more than just the content. You’re vulnerable, transparent, and wide open for criticism. So why even do it? […]

Choosing Connection Over Performance

Men, young and old, who are porn addicts, often experience erectile dysfunction (ED) and related sexual performance anxiety. Although research on porn-induced ED is mixed, I can tell you firsthand that many of my clients, individuals and couples alike, are negatively impacted. It can be difficult to measure the far-reaching effects of viewing too much […]

Relationship Differences—How Much Is Too Much?

Common beliefs may tell you that it is essential to have the same interests and styles to co-exist happily. Some 64% of married Americans believe that “having shared interests” is very important for a successful marriage, according to the Pew Research Center. In fact, those surveyed ranked shared interests as more essential than good sex […]

Communication and Active Listening

Communication problems: By far, the number one reason couple’s come to therapy. When you think of it, it’s the number one problem in most relationship issues—family, friends, and work to name a few. Communication issues are far-reaching and impact each and every one of our relationships, particularly intimate and committed ones. The topics of the […]

Are You In A Codependent Relationship?

Codependency sounds like a dirty word. We know it sounds bad, must be bad, but what is it really? How can you tell if you are indeed in a codependent relationship? Many people find themselves repeating the same unhealthy relationship patterns despite knowing better. Do you find yourself making lots of sacrifices for your partner’s […]

Once An Addict, Always An Addict?

Anyone who has struggled with addiction or continues to struggle likely has heard the phrase, “once an addict, always an addict.” You may have a love and hate relationship with that saying. Many see it as a label of hopelessness, sort of a lifelong branding while others may look at it as just a warning…a […]

Making Deposits for Your Relationship's Health

While recently in session with a client, he told me how uncomfortable he was watching nudity or sexual scenes on television with his wife. Prior to getting caught and forced to deal with his out of control sexual behavior, he and his wife would enjoy their favorite show, The Sopranos. Many scenes in the show […]

Setting Up A Dialogue Practice

In my practice, if I received a dollar for each time I heard from my clients, “I was too busy to write this week,” I would be a wealthy man. Like many things that are actually good for us, journaling or dialoguing often get put aside or buried by the busyness of life. Somehow putting […]

Surviving an Affair

Being caught in having an affair or admitting to an infidelity blows the door right off the vehicle that is your relationship. Intense feelings of anger, fear, resentment and sadness to name a few come to the forefront like a flood. If you have gone through this or are currently going through this turmoil in […]

Procrastination and Addiction

-Starve your distractions, feed your focus.” Daniel Goleman Procrastination, defined as the action of delaying or postponing something, appears to be a universal human problem. We all struggle to get moving on the next important task — the school or work project, paying our bills, or having a difficult conversation with someone.

Learning To Be Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

There’s a saying in addiction that we act out what we don’t feel. The acting out behavior becomes a numbing device so that we can avoid feelings, thoughts, or experiences—often unconsciously. To feel or experience these things can be very uncomfortable. Most of us, people in recovery or not, can’t even tolerate being uncomfortable for […]

Dear PornDoc—Journaling, Mindfulness, & Disclosure

Dear PornDoc, I am currently in treatment for pornography addiction. My therapist wants me to journal a lot. My thinking is that this brings up feelings of wanting to act out which seems counterproductive to me. I’d like your thoughts on the importance of writing. First of all, good for you for seeking help. It’s […]

Edging Addiction: Walking On The Edge

That back-and-forth — almost acting out, then pulling back — has a name, and it can become its own trap. Here's why edging hooks you, and how to break the loop. When working with my clients in sex addiction recovery, the most common feedback I receive concerns their behavior that just teeters back and forth […]

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