The Gollum Factor: A Portrait of Your Inner Addict

Often, those of us struggling with sex and porn addiction have some common roots buried in our pasts. As kids, 50 to 60 percent of us grew up in a broken home —one parent did all the parenting and household duties. If this describes your childhood, then you never had the advantage of seeing a couple working together as a …

Are You Giving Away Your Power?

Why You Think Your Addict is in Control “My addict is just too strong,” said Carl. “I try to stop the thoughts, but the addict always wins.” If you step back from Carl’s statement, do you think that Carl is blaming his addict-self for his behavior? “I just can’t stop myself” is another common refrain. But think about this for …

Anatomy Of A One-Night Stand: Questions & Consequences

Does the fact that my partner had a one-night stand mean he’s a sex addict? As counselors specializing in sexually compulsive behaviors, this is a question we’re often asked. In the Back of a Minivan A blog I read recently addressed the issue of the aftermath of a one-night stand. A reader wrote to author and psychologist Samantha Rodman PhD: …

Really?!! A Technique To Use When Triggered

If you’re a sex addict in recovery, you know what it means to be “triggered.” Triggering incidents can be emotional, such as feeling angry or sad or anxious, or they can be visual, or tactile, or even auditory. There’s a story in my book Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself from Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame in which I’m walking …

4 Practices For Recovery Success

Does a basketball or tennis star succeed without practice? Of course not. But you might be thinking: “They’re star athletes and I’m not. So the practice rule doesn’t apply to me.”  That’s your mind talking. That’s an excuse. If you’ve read the book Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself from Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame, or if you’re in counseling …

Adam’s Essence: Dialoging with Your Essential Nature

In my profession as a counselor for sexually compulsive behavior, I talk to people about their addiction and what they can do about it. For example we look at how to effectively utilize the incredibly useful methods we have: Red Light Guy, Beard Test, Blue Sky and High Heels. And these methods really work. If none of these methods are …

5 Reasons I DON’T Want To Look At Porn Today

When viewing porn is at the center of your life it might be hard to imagine that you might eventually find reasons to NOT want to look at porn. I recently received the following list of reasons from one of my client and was quite impressed so I thought I’d share them with you. George 1. The first reason that …

Phantom Miracle Cure For Sex or Porn Addiction

While working to get free of porn addiction or sex addiction, there often comes a time for a client when he suddenly begins to surmise that he has found an easier, simpler, faster way to get rid of his addiction. He thinks he’s found a MIRACLE CURE. Usually the appearance of the possibility of the “miracle cure” arises when some …

Porn Addiction: A Secret “Boss” in the Workplace

When John, a senior account executive in a large corporation, first came to me, he was on the verge of losing both his job and his wife to his new “boss” — internet porn. This “boss” had taken over his life or, more accurately, John had allowed it to take his time, his money, his work relationships, his friendships, and …

4 Questions You May Be Asking About Sex Addiction

Susan is wondering what happened to her sex life. She and her husband were so connected in the beginning of their relationship, but now after a couple of years together they only have sex about once every two months and when they do, she is the initiator. She knew that her husband was spending hours in their basement den at …

What Is Sexual Addiction & Can It Be Overcome?

Sex addiction is a compulsive urge to engage in sexual activity, thoughts, or fantasies in ways that are detrimental to an individual, his or her family, friends, and/or work. It blocks the development of true intimacy in a relationship. Sex addiction is also called sexual dependency or sexual compulsivity.  Just because someone likes to masturbate or to have sex frequently …

How To Tell If You’re Addicted To Sex

In its basic and natural form (if there has not been physical or emotional damage along the way) human sexual contact feels good, touching feels good, having an orgasm feels good. This is normal and wonderful. Your innate desire for sex and sexual pleasure is not an enemy. Your natural sexual impulse can guide you to finding closeness, connectedness, and …

A Porn Addict Talks to “Orgasm”

For a sex or porn addict, an orgasm takes on a meaning, an importance, a significance that gets in the way of the rest of his or her life. The natural pleasure becomes confused, even missing. In speaking/writing to this aspect of self, the desire for an orgasm, one of our clients moves closer to understanding what is actually driving his need for that one more orgasm … and where that leads.

Porn Guilt—The Gift That Keeps On Giving

Guilt about your porn addiction, your acting out sexually, is the gift that keeps on giving, and giving and giving—until you’re in the emotional gutter, your self-esteem is toast. Guilt. You feel “less than.” Guilt. You isolate. You forget about your friends. You are sure that they must be better off than you—for a myriad of reasons. But most importantly …

My Decision To WIN

If you are struggling/have struggled with sex addiction (or porn addiction), you know how difficult it can be. My clients’ capacities to take a stand for themselves and choose to win continues to inspire me. I think this story will inspire you too.   from one of George’s clients… For me final piece of the puzzle goes like this: all …

Holiday Triggers & Cheering For Yourself

We all know that holidays can be stressful. There are additional expectations from loved ones, gift purchases, and quality time with less than beloved in-laws. Addicts, who are often used to being more isolated, may be faced with holiday friends, family, and house guests. With all these additional interactions, the addict or recovering addict may have less free time for …

Compulsion Solutions Retreat at Lake Tahoe

An exclusive retreat was offered to a handful of current and previous Compulsion Solutions clients who spent a weekend at beautiful Lake Tahoe at an amazing, exclusive lodge on the lake. This retreat was for those men who were ready to elevate and expand their current awareness and capacities, with a specific focus on “What’s Left?” in terms of addiction …

For A Sex Addict Small Stumbles Can Lead To Big Falls

If you have a tendency toward compulsive or addictive behaviors, like sex addiction or porn addiction, it’s important to learn how to be vigilant and watch for small triggering situations — those seemingly almost  “innocent” temptations that you may act on, those situations that in and of themselves are not all that bad. As you know if you’ve dealt with …