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Sex Addiction in the News – This Isn't a Joke

While it might seem like the Kardashian family is always in the news, a recent story was of particular importance to me. After being confronted for infidelity on the latest episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Scott Disick – longtime boyfriend of Kourtney Kardashian and father of her 3 children – came out publicly […]

“But What if My Addiction is Illegal?” Seeking Help, Even When You're Afraid

The other day, I came across an anonymous interview online with a man who admitted to being addicted to child pornography. As anyone could probably guess it was a tough read, but still a very important one – because one of the main points he raised was just how hard it was for him to […]

The Sex Addiction Debate: Yes, It's Real

I think there is a fundamental misunderstanding when it comes to sex addictions and porn addictions. Yes, drugs and alcohol are highly addictive substances. They ruin lives and drive people to terrible depths in search of their next fix – but so does sex. To a certain extent, sex may be an even harder habit […]

Celebrity Addiction Rehab: Not The Only Way To Do It

You may have read some news stories about celebrities checking into exclusive rehab centers to work on their sex addiction recovery or porn addictions. Certainly, this is fine. I’m sure that despite the media's focus on things like horseback riding and croquet at some of these exclusive treatment centers, there actually is a lot of […]

Kids Watching Porn? It Happens More Than You Think

Lately, there have been a few articles published warning that erectile dysfunction meds like Viagra are being prescribed to younger men. When this pill first debuted, everyone assumed it was to help men of a certain age continue to enjoy a sex life. They probably didn't anticipate young people in their early 20's using it […]

Magazines Are Wrong — Having Sex “X” Times Per Week Won't Magically Make You Happy

If you look at any newsstand or magazine rack, you'll see headlines declaring that you're not having enough sex. Overlooking the fact that the magazine doesn't know you from the next guy, these stories are very good at grabbing your attention. Some men that come to me for sex addiction therapy seem to have a […]

Afraid Your Partner Is Cheating On You? A New Website Sure Hopes You Are...

In the wake of the Ashley Madison hack, it seems like the act of spying on your partner's online activities has become a national pastime. That idea is certainly supported by the release of a new online search engine called “Instant Checkmate.” This service claims to have the ability to search not only secret online […]

Your Porn Addiction Secret

When you're the only one who knows about your porn addiction, it's a scary and lonely place. You become filled with shame, self-doubt, criticism, and anger. You respond to these negative feelings by trying to soothe yourself with more porn, which of course only starts those feelings up again in a vicious cycle. In fact, […]

Habits, Patterns, And Addictions

How we perceive and experience the world around us is based on patterns. Many patterns in your world experience are out of our control, such as the planets orbiting the sun. You can’t change those patterns. Other patterns are automatic and unconscious repetitions of behavior that occur inside what you think of as your “self.” […]

Porn: 2 Sides To The Camera

Recently, a documentary premiered on Netflix called Hot Girls Wanted. While this is certainly not the first of its kind, it’s still an enlightening and eye-opening look at the realities of the porn industry. Most notably, it gives a behind-the-scenes look at what happens to the young women who choose to get involved in pornography as […]

Opening The Door To Resistance

Imagine walking up to the edge of a cliff with a thousand-foot drop. You may feel some resistance to getting close to the edge. Why? You’re protecting yourself from danger. Similarly, in sex addiction recovery, resistance is a way you protect yourself from perceived danger. It’s an instinct. It’s automatic. It’s a way of trying […]

The Gollum Factor: A Portrait of Your Inner Addict

Often, those going through sex addiction recovery have some common roots buried in our pasts. As kids, 50 to 60 percent of us grew up in a broken home — one parent did all the parenting and household duties. If this describes your childhood, then you never had the advantage of seeing a couple working […]

Are You Giving Away Your Power?

Why You Think Your Addict is in Control “My addict is just too strong,” said Carl. “I try to stop the thoughts, but the addict always wins.” If you step back from Carl’s statement, do you think that Carl is blaming his addict-self for his sexual compulsive behavior? “I just can’t stop myself” is another […]

Anatomy Of A One-Night Stand: Questions & Consequences

Does the fact that my partner had a one-night stand mean he's a sex addict? As counselors specializing in sexually compulsive behaviors, this is a question we're often asked. In the Back of a Minivan A blog I read recently addressed the issue of the aftermath of a one-night stand. A reader wrote to author […]

Really?!! A Technique To Use When Triggered

If you’re in sex addiction recovery, you know what it means to be “triggered.” Triggering incidents can be emotional, such as feeling angry, sad, or anxious, or they can be visual, or tactile, or even auditory. There’s a story in my book Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself from Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame in […]

4 Practices For Recovery Success

Does a basketball or tennis star succeed without practice? Of course not. But you might be thinking: “They’re star athletes and I’m not. So the practice rule doesn’t apply to me.” That’s your mind talking. That’s an excuse. If you’ve read the book Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself from Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame, […]

Adam's Essence: Dialoging with Your Essential Nature

In my profession as a counselor for sexually compulsive behavior, I talk to people about their addiction and what they can do about it. For example we look at how to effectively utilize the incredibly useful methods we have: Red Light Guy, Beard Test, Blue Sky and High Heels. And these methods really work. If […]

Recovery Multiplier

The military has a term called “Force Multiplier” which, according to the Department of Defense, is defined as “A capability that, when added to and employed by a combat force, significantly increases the combat potential of that force and thus enhances the probability of a successful mission accomplishment.” At Neulia and Compulsion Solutions, we’ve adapted […]

3 Steps to Help Purge the Urge

When a Dance is More than a Dance If you’ve been going through our video course, you already know that mind doesn’t like to change. Even though I’ve been a sexual addiction counselor for 20 years helping guys like you break free of their sexual compulsive behaviors, I’m still a man and I still get […]

The Girl in the Red Dress

(or Catching Your Addiction Before It Bites You in the Ass) I’ve had a lot of clients ask me, “How do you catch your addiction when it comes up? Then what do you do about it?” Because dialoguing is a key component of the Neulia program, I’m also often asked questions such as: “How do […]

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