Faye Archives - Neulia, by Compulsion Solutions

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Don't Rattle My Cage: 4 Steps To Dealing With An Annoying Person

If you’ve ever had difficulty relating to someone in your life — and, c’mon, who hasn’t? — you may have gotten stressed by something they said or did. In slang terms, they “rattled your cage.” Other slang terms meaning to aggravate or annoy include “gets on my nerves,” “up in my grill,” or “messing with […]

Compulsive Behavior in Women: How You Might be Impeding Your Own Progress

You’re probably not going to like what I have to tell you, but I’m asking that you hear it nonetheless. So, here it is: Even though you are in therapy to help cope with being a sex addict partner, you may have developed compulsive behaviors of your own, and those behaviors may be holding you […]

Women's Wisdom – Make Your Holidays Manageable

If I were to ask you the question: "Are you taking care of yourself during the holidays?" I'm sure I'd get a mixed bag of responses. During this time of year, we are all very busy, stressed, and pressed for time. It seems like self-care is the last thing on many women's lists. Today, I […]

Women's Wisdom: Resentment Is Part Of The Healing Process, But Only Part

Resentment is often regarded as a negative emotion to be avoided, much like jealousy. However, as partners of sex addicts, resentment is often a huge part of what you are feeling. There is honesty in resentment. The feeling is very real and is something to be faced head-on in order to progress. Think of it […]

Women's Wisdom: How to Ask for Help

To define what I mean when I say “women's wisdom,” I would have to say this: there's a sort of sixth sense women have about their own lives — an internal truth that you can hear when you pay attention. The problem is that many of us have trouble accessing this wisdom, because we get […]

When Women Talk About Porn

When I set out to tackle the topic of how women feel about their partner’s porn use, I never could have anticipated the response I would get. So many women, dear, smart, and amazing women, were eager to share their heart-wrenching stories with me. Some stories end with healing, and others end with the destruction […]

The Women Behind the Sex Scandals: Why They Need Help Too

Women have been coming forward in droves to share their stories of sexual assault and sexual misconduct perpetrated against them by some of the richest and most powerful men in the world. This is, I think, both a wonderful thing and a very complicated thing because, at the end of the day, there are real […]

Beginning Couple's Therapy for Sex Addiction: Here's What You're In For

When a sex or porn addictions first comes to light in a relationship, everything feels chaotic. Perhaps your partner was caught in their sexual compulsive behavior and is reluctant to admit any wrongdoing. Perhaps they confessed their behavior when either guilt or self-doubt became too unbearable. Either way, your relationship has been shattered, and […]

When The Person Saying “I Told You So,” Is You

This is a message to the woman who got involved with someone she thought she could change. Maybe you met him while he was still involved in another relationship. Perhaps he was a drinker, a gambler, a sex addict, or an abuser. Maybe you knew someone else who was involved with him in the past […]

Self Forgiveness Means Accepting Our Own Humanity

To much of the outside world, a relationship that falls apart due to sex or porn addictions has a very clear bad guy. Everything that happened was due to the destructive behavior on the part of the addict, while partners of sex addicts are totally innocent. Seems pretty obvious, right? Unless you're looking at the […]

Acknowledging His Suffering Isn't the Same As Letting Him Off the Hook

When working with the heartbroken partners of sex addicts and porn addicts, at a certain point, they tend to come to the realization that their partner is suffering too. It's not at all uncommon (or unhealthy) for their first thought to be “Well, good!” I work with women whose worlds have been rocked by the […]

When His Therapy Feels Like It's Re-Victimizing You

The partners of sex addicts and porn addicts do not always have an easy road ahead of them. Often, an unevenness can begin to develop almost immediately where "his progress," "his work," or "his addiction," can begin to take precedence over your own recovery. This is especially true if the partners of sex addicts have […]

Coping With Your First Holiday Alone

Despite everyone's best efforts, it is a hard fact of life that some relationships simply can't survive a sex or porn addiction. Even after second chances, extensive counseling and a real commitment to making it work, sometimes one partner's addiction is simply too much for the relationship to bear – and it ends. Very […]

Standing on the Precipice – Ending a Relationship During the Holidays

It's a hard fact of relationship counseling that the ideal outcome isn't always “and they lived happily ever after.” Unfortunately, this can be especially true if sex or porn addiction is a factor when the addicted partner is not able to make the necessary changes. Sometimes, the best thing for partners of sex addicts to […]

How Dealing With a Partner's Addiction Changes You

We talk a lot about the healing process that women undergo in order to cope with their partner's addiction. However, there's one thing I haven't mentioned yet, and that's the fact that this journey you're on will change you. There is so much to process and take in, so many feelings and questions to parse […]

Learning to Value Yourself Despite a Partner's Sex Addiction

My first task in working with the partners of sex addicts is to address three major emotions they are grappling with: shock, blame, and hurt. Each of these emotions has the ability to shake you to your foundations, and we must work through them early on in the healing process. A betrayal tears apart everything […]

Integrity: Your Work Isn't Done Yet

This is the third and final part of my series on resilience. I've taken you through the steps of incorporating self-care into your life, and also reminded you of the emotional tools you already have in your toolbox. Part One: Caring For Yourself When You Love An Addict Part Two: Power Regained: Working Your Way […]

Power Regained — Working Your Way Through Your Partner's Betrayal

This is the second blog in a series on resilience. In the first installment, I spoke about the importance of self-care and why it's such a difficult concept for many partners of sex addicts to comprehend. What I'd like to talk about now is what happens after you learn to prioritize your own needs. How […]

Caring For Yourself When You Love An Addict

This is the first in a series of blog posts on resilience. As a therapist, I see resilience as the hallmark of mental health. The journey towards resilience is at the heart of my practice. Resilience is the quality that is developed and honed in the face of stress. The truth is none of us […]

Coping With The Holiday Blues — You're Worth More Than “Any Port In A Storm”

The holidays have an insidious way of bringing up unhappiness for people. It seems like every commercial, every ad, and every song on the radio is reminding you that you're not in a picture-perfect relationship right now. If your marriage recently ended, then nobody will be surprising you with diamonds under the tree. If you […]

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