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Choosing Connection Over Performance

Men, young and old, who are porn addicts, often experience erectile dysfunction (ED) and related sexual performance anxiety. Although research on porn-induced ED is mixed, I can tell you firsthand that many of my clients, individuals and couples alike, are negatively impacted. It can be difficult to measure the far-reaching effects of viewing too much […]
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Compulsive Behavior in Women: How You Might be Impeding Your Own Progress

You’re probably not going to like what I have to tell you, but I’m asking that you hear it nonetheless. So, here it is: Even though you are in therapy to help cope with being a sex addict partner, you may have developed compulsive behaviors of your own, and those behaviors may be holding you […]
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What Are the Factors Leading to a Sex Addiction?

Obviously, sexual addictions aren't something you’re born with. Rather, they're a condition that develope over time. Most people can go about their lives, form relationships, have sex, even look at porn occasionally, and not necessarily become addicted. Remember, when we say addicted, we mean that the sexual compulsion to act out has literally ruined a […]
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A Walk in the Shoes of Someone With a Sex Addiction

Hollywood and the media have given us a certain idea of what a sex addict and sexual compulsions looks like. Maybe they’re multi-millionaire actors and actresses constantly taking home other multi-millionaire actors and actresses. Perhaps sex addiction even seems a little fun. Why not surround yourself with rich beautiful people all the time? Then, all […]
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Relationship Differences—How Much Is Too Much?

Common beliefs may tell you that it is essential to have the same interests and styles to co-exist happily. Some 64% of married Americans believe that “having shared interests” is very important for a successful marriage, according to the Pew Research Center. In fact, those surveyed ranked shared interests as more essential than good sex […]
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Women's Wisdom – Make Your Holidays Manageable

If I were to ask you the question: "Are you taking care of yourself during the holidays?" I'm sure I'd get a mixed bag of responses. During this time of year, we are all very busy, stressed, and pressed for time. It seems like self-care is the last thing on many women's lists. Today, I […]
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What the Holidays Made Me Do: An Addict's Guide to Navigating December

Every year around the holidays, people who are stressed, upset, lonely, angry, and afraid call Neulia by Compulsion Solutions. Holidays bring cheer to many, but to those who are addicted, it can bring tremendous suffering. When it seems like the whole world is coming together to celebrate, it's very easy for an addict to feel […]
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Communication and Active Listening

Communication problems: By far, the number one reason couple’s come to therapy. When you think of it, it’s the number one problem in most relationship issues—family, friends, and work to name a few. Communication issues are far-reaching and impact each and every one of our relationships, particularly intimate and committed ones. The topics of the […]
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Women's Wisdom: Resentment Is Part Of The Healing Process, But Only Part

Resentment is often regarded as a negative emotion to be avoided, much like jealousy. However, as partners of sex addicts, resentment is often a huge part of what you are feeling. There is honesty in resentment. The feeling is very real and is something to be faced head-on in order to progress. Think of it […]
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Are You In A Codependent Relationship?

Codependency sounds like a dirty word. We know it sounds bad, must be bad, but what is it really? How can you tell if you are indeed in a codependent relationship? Many people find themselves repeating the same unhealthy relationship patterns despite knowing better. Do you find yourself making lots of sacrifices for your partner’s […]
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No, You Can't “Just Watch Soft-Core” If You're a Porn Addict

Since I've been asked this question on more than one occasion, I figure it's time to address it out in the open: "Can't I just watch 'lighter material' and still be okay?” My answer, and honestly the answer of any sex addiction therapist, is a firm NO! Much like it would not be acceptable for […]
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Once An Addict, Always An Addict?

Anyone who has struggled with addiction or continues to struggle likely has heard the phrase, “once an addict, always an addict.” You may have a love and hate relationship with that saying. Many see it as a label of hopelessness, sort of a lifelong branding while others may look at it as just a warning…a […]
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Women's Wisdom: How to Ask for Help

To define what I mean when I say “women's wisdom,” I would have to say this: there's a sort of sixth sense women have about their own lives — an internal truth that you can hear when you pay attention. The problem is that many of us have trouble accessing this wisdom, because we get […]
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Making Deposits for Your Relationship's Health

While recently in session with a client, he told me how uncomfortable he was watching nudity or sexual scenes on television with his wife. Prior to getting caught and forced to deal with his out of control sexual behavior, he and his wife would enjoy their favorite show, The Sopranos. Many scenes in the show […]
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Boundaries after addiction: building back trust.

Rebuilding your relationships may be one of the most difficult parts of addiction recovery. Sex addiction and porn addiction are uniquely able to damage trust in your closest relationships, particularly with your romantic partner or spouse. But while it can be a challenging journey, it is possible for trust to be rebuilt after addiction if […]
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How Countries around the World are Reacting to American Porn

American porn is becoming a more and more dangerous thing every day. We have a nation full of men (and increasingly, women) who are desperate for constant novelty, leading them further and further down the seemingly endless hardcore porn rabbit hole into darker and more fringe territory. And the rest of the world doesn’t necessarily […]
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Your marriage still matters

Being married to a porn or sex addict is at once infuriating and devastating. No matter which side of the marriage you’re on, this is a profoundly hard time. If you are in addiction recovery and it’s your goal to redeem your marriage, there is a lot of hard work ahead of you. But don't […]
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Surviving an Affair

Being caught in having an affair or admitting to an infidelity blows the door right off the vehicle that is your relationship. Intense feelings of anger, fear, resentment and sadness to name a few come to the forefront like a flood. If you have gone through this or are currently going through this turmoil in […]
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Does Admitting My Sex Addiction Make Me a Loser?

Not too long ago, I was asked the following question by one of the men I work with: “Do I have to always remind myself that I'm a loser because of my addiction?” I admit I was taken aback by this question. So much so that I feel it's important to address it to a […]
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Bad porn or “ethical” porn: is there a difference?

Is there such a thing as “good porn” and “bad porn?” And are you asking from a truly ethical standpoint, or just as an excuse to wack it with less guilt? So is “good porn” a thing? Here are some thoughts to consider. “Good porn” is a tall order that may be hard to fill. […]
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