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We want to be totally open with you here at Neulia. So in an effort to show you that you're not alone, here's George's story about chasing after the “Blonde in the Beemer.”
Years ago, George was driving along the highway when he happened to spot a blonde in a red convertible BMW.
Now, at this point in George's life, a large percentage of his day was spent fantasizing. He would construct elaborate sexual scenes in his mind in nearly every situation. If he saw a woman he thought was attractive at the post office, he would go home and try to find a similar looking woman on a porn site. Seeing women out in public was distracting, and triggering for George, and this woman in the Beemer was no exception.
As George's fantasies spun out of control, he began to fixate on the long, flowing hair of that sexy blond driving the Beemer. He imagined what the rest of this woman must look like. She must be beautiful; she must be rich. In fact, every aspect of this woman must be exactly everything George liked best.
He knew that he was no longer in control, even as he struggled to concentrate on something else. George tried thinking about work, he tried listening to the radio, but nothing could distract him. Finally, he just gave in completely. He accepted the fact that he was totally at the mercy of his desires, and just began following the blonde. He even turned off the radio to better fantasize.
Moments like these are hard. We all know this. It's so easy to simply lose yourself in your thoughts and desires, and giving in seems like the better option. But you know it's not.
If George had the tools you have now, he would not have felt compelled to follow that blonde when he saw her. She would have just been someone passing by, and not a trigger that proceeded to take over his whole mind. George could have called out his addict to dialog with him, and regain control of his own thoughts and actions.
Your triggers might not even be as concrete as the example George gave. Maybe you have an overall uneasiness due to relationship troubles, or maybe you have a lot of stress associated with work. Maybe you are dealing with depression, and it's clouding over the rest of your day. Whatever it is that makes you want to escape into porn, remember that you can speak to your addict any time. No matter when or where. You don't have to let him take control, just because it seems like the easier option. Deep down, you know he is only going to complicate things.
Remember that recognizing when you feel out of control is actually a huge step towards regaining control.
But we haven't told you the end of George's fantasy just yet… When he finally caught up to the Beemer, he saw that the driver wasn't a beautiful woman, but rather a middle-aged pocked-faced man. He just happened to have long, blonde hair.
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