In the wake of the Ashley Madison hack, it seems like the act of spying on your partner’s online activities has become a national pastime. That idea is certainly supported by the release of a new online search engine called “Instant Checkmate.” This service claims to have the ability to search not only secret online accounts for dating or porn websites, but also criminal records — and it’s not the only site of its kind.
It’s important for us all to stop right here for a moment, and think about what this means for our society. Why does a service like this even exist? What types of behavior are people witnessing in their partners that would make them want to become amateur investigators? Because apparently there is enough of that behavior going on that it warrants its own industry. To me, that’s a sign of a huge problem.
So, Why Are You Here?
Here’s the most important question: Why are you here? What terms did you search online to get to a sex and porn addiction recovery site? Maybe you’re concerned that your partner could have an addiction, or that they’re cheating on you. Or perhaps you’re the one sneaking around, and you want to read about these new search engines, so you’ll know how to avoid being caught. Either way, your relationship has become a powder keg.
A truly open relationship, or a mutual understanding from both partners in regards to sex or porn is not what we are talking about here. If you were okay with the idea of your partner using these sites to whatever ends, you wouldn’t be worried enough to utilize this service. This is a website born out of fear and mistrust.
In other words, this site hopes there is something going wrong in your relationship, and it hopes you know it. Your partner doesn’t seem to be into the relationship anymore. Someone’s not coming home when they should. Money is going unaccounted for. You have questions, and professional snooping services promise they can answer them. Of course, they make no promises about what happens after that point. As a counselor, this is usually the part where I come in.
It Was Inevitable
In a way, the invention of this search engine isn’t surprising at all. There are more opportunities than ever to flirt, or even cheat online. Sex and porn addicts no longer need to leave home and search out new ways to feed their addictions. In fact, they don’t even need to leave the couch.
The internet is full of porn and dating sites which all sell their users on the idea that addictive behavior is okay. They make it easy to escalate an addiction by offering more extreme pornography, or easier access to live women. Webcams, escort services, cheating websites, and all other sorts of “hookup” oriented media is out there in the open. Some sites are even advertised and promoted, the same way a clothing label would be. It’s all designed to normalize addiction, because the most profitable customers of the online sex and porn industries are addicts.
You Need Help With This
If you fear that your partner may have an addiction, or if you fear you may be addicted yourself, I want you to know that help is available. It’s so easy to stay in denial, because the sex and porn industry wants to keep reassuring you that this behavior is normal. It’s not normal. Addictive behavior is a life sentence. I don’t say that as a scare tactic, or as exaggeration — it’s the truth. To break the cycle of addiction, you need real help.
Pick up the phone, and give me a call. Any pain or embarrassment you may feel about admitting that you or your partner has a problem, is nothing compared to the pain that’s in store if this addiction is allowed to continue unchecked.
A sneaky snooping service won’t help you or your partner. Counseling will.