Fake news—or a hoax—is making, well, news, a lot these days and has become a buzzword representing misrepresentation and falsehoods. Fake news is written and published with the intent to mislead in order to gain financially or politically, often with sensationalist, exaggerated, or patently false headlines that grab attention.
If you are someone who struggles with compulsive sexual behavior, isn’t our addictive behavior sort of like fake news? When we differentiate our true self from our addictive or compulsive self, perhaps you can see this more clearly. Compare and contrast the times when you are sober and present to the times when you feel compulsive, edgy, or out of control. When in the latter state, do you listen to the chatter? That part may have you begin to believe in things that are not likely true.
Ways Addict Tries to Trick You
* Feelings—There’s a saying that we act out what we don’t (want to) feel. Typical feelings like stress and boredom, for example, may come up and our compulsive behavior takes on the responsibility of acting those feelings out instead of feeling them. Addict may have you believe that you cannot deal with these feelings and have you instead trust in his “plan” to act out sexually to cope.
* Looking—Objectifying women or men as body parts (Looking) is another form of fake news from the addictive headlines. Thoughts that you “have” to look or you will miss out on something; looking isn’t cheating; looking isn’t really acting out; everybody looks, etc. The falsehood here is that objectifying has no direct negative impact on out behavior or feelings about ourselves…especially when we come to know that the opposite is indeed true.
* Triggers—When triggered, for example when being alone, traveling for business, and having tor creating the opportunity to act out, addict thoughts become like spin doctors. Thoughts or headlines similar to, “Now’s the time we act out,” or “We need to act out now why we have the time,” may come to the forefront.
What’s Always True?
So how do you cut through the false headlines in your mind to get to what instead is true?
* Separate or differentiate your true self from your addictive self-The truth begins with realizing that you are not always in addict mode. Begin to notice the times when you are not feeling compulsive. Are you gathered? Present? Engaged? This is the real you and you can then begin to contrast that to the false stories previously mentioned.
* Dialoguing—Begin to write, or dialogue, with the compulsive parts (thoughts and feelings) that spin the false stories or news. Seeing and witnessing the faulty logic on paper or on screen really helps to anchor in just how often our minds trick us into behaviors and actions that don’t serve us well nor address the fundamental issues.
* See for yourself—The proof is in the pudding. When you don’t follow the falsehoods and instead meet your feelings and act in your true best interests, you feel better.
Don’t fall into the false news that compulsive sexual behavior is your way out of pain…rather re-author a new story and enjoy the benefits of being who you really are.