CONTACT US NOW | (925) 932-0201
In my profession as a counselor for sexually compulsive behavior, I talk to people about their addiction and what they can do about it. For example we look at how to effectively utilize the incredibly useful methods we have: Red Light Guy, Beard Test, Blue Sky and High Heels. And these methods really work.
If none of these methods are familiar to you, you need to refresh your knowledge by reading my book Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself From Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame. But it comes down to YOU. Do YOU really want to change your mind? Are YOU ready to have a new script?
Adam was a fellow who was doing very well by not acting out. But even though his behavior had changed, Adam still had a mind that was filled with fear, shame, anger, pain, self-judgment, doubt, criticism. How did he get beyond his mind? By getting in touch with his essential nature or essence.
I try to live as much as I can in my essence. Some people call it meditation. I call it being still. When I want to be still, I ask myself what’s always true. That brings me to my essential nature. Adam was interested in this. He was doing well, but was still troubled by some of the things mentioned above.
As you may know, when I'm talking about your essence, I'm not talking about religion. It’s about contacting the part of you that is always true. It’s just YOU — without mind, without stories, without a script. Just YOU living your life without any idea of words or thoughts. You are alive. So I had Adam dialogue with his Essence or Essential Nature. Here’s a small portion of a dialogue Adam had with his Essence.
ADAM: Essence, are you there?
ESSENCE: I’m always here.
ADAM: My mind, my thoughts, and my stories keep getting in the way. Can you help me with that?
ESSENCE: I’m beyond your thoughts, your mind, and your stories.
ADAM: So how do I get away from my thoughts and tune in to you?
ESSENCE: Do what George suggests. Relax. Be still. Sink into the part of you that is me — your Essence or Essential Nature.
ADAM: That’s all I have to do?
ESSENCE: Yes. Close your eyes. Clear your mind. Relax. Breathe. And listen to the part of you that is not your mind, not your thoughts, not your stories, and not your addiction.
The idea is to give yourself the very best MIND possible, as opposed to having a mind plagued with negative subpersonalities like fear, shame, pain, and anger. By being in touch with his Essential Nature or Essence through dialoguing, Adam is calming down, relaxing, and having more peace, joy, and serenity. You can do this, too.
There's one more important point I'd like to make here: many people think they can just imagine the dialogue. However, whenever possible, it’s extremely beneficial to write out your dialogues.
When you start this process, your mind might try to trick you into thinking that if you dialogue once in awhile, it’ll probably work. But trust the experts: You need to dialogue as often as possible. To be successful at changing your mind — changing how you THINK — it’s best to do a lot of dialogues. Even if you do a few a day — practice, practice, practice — it really works. Why not start right now?
"*" indicates required fields
George- Please let me know if I can ever participate in blogging, I honestly love to help people & 'pay it forward'. I saw a post on instagram the other day of a seductive pic from Fifty Shades of Gray & the post read "Sex or Love?... Sex AND Love"... Hopefully getting people to tune into their Essence will help bridge that gap. The Essence itself in all of us is the core of love, sensuality, passion & spirit so we shouldn't want to cheapen it with shallow pursuits. I work in the field of holistic health so I encourage people to take care of themselves with organics, a similar mission. Stay positive too, George! And thank you 🙂
This is a great article, George! Thanks for all you do! I had a phone session with you several years ago reg my ex-husband who was acting out by stalking young neighbor girls. As you predicted, he did get worse without therapy & went through a couple years of even grooming one if our young daughters as we went through our divorce. The light at the end of the tunnel for me was turning to many books and blogs on LOA (law of attraction) which there are many resources for, thankfully. I embraced with all my heart a more positive life &, though it hasn't been easy, I have seen much good come out of my newer perspective on how to live life. The most important thing you can pass onto those of us who are in relationships with addictive partners is to not lose ourselves in their rabbit hole. A 15 yr marriage to a sex addict really took its toll on me & even post-divorce I fell into that same drama with a new partner, for a short time. This idea of talking to an Essence is great because as children & advanced elderly it can come more naturally, but the action years in between can overshadow this vital practice with too much chaos. I would only like to add to focus on the Essence being the most positive energy, a warm hug inside so there's no lonely hole to fill, which I think is what addictions prey on. My dedication in my life now is to try each day to wear that on my sleeve & help bring it out in others. It's the Mommy in me, the nurturer, but it acts like a butterfly always in flight, resting only briefly on a branch to spread good energy but never falling into a mud pit. Even my daughters have learned to be like butterflies with their father so they can fly above his addiction drama energy. We can only live by example, right? The best healer is one who demonstrates how to heal the self first. The silliest thing addictive people often say is "I don't care" when in fact they desperately want to be cared for which starts with giving care first. I have seen positive changes in some people learning this. Anyway, I have deep gratitude to you for doing this good work because people benefit most from the guidence of how to visualize change & your suggestion of connecting to the uncluttered Essence is a great meditation 🙂
Great to hear from you Tami. There IS an Essential Self and YOU are, obviously, in deep touch with THAT. You can't go wrong if trust your Essence. Stay IN there. George