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In my profession as a counselor for sexually compulsive behavior, I talk to people about their addiction and what they can do about it. For example we look at how to effectively utilize the incredibly useful methods we have: Red Light Guy, Beard Test, Blue Sky and High Heels. And these methods really work.
If none of these methods are familiar to you, you need to refresh your knowledge by reading my book Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself From Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame. But it comes down to YOU. Do YOU really want to change your mind? Are YOU ready to have a new script?
Adam was a fellow who was doing very well by not acting out. But even though his behavior had changed, Adam still had a mind that was filled with fear, shame, anger, pain, self-judgment, doubt, criticism. How did he get beyond his mind? By getting in touch with his essential nature or essence.
I try to live as much as I can in my essence. Some people call it meditation. I call it being still. When I want to be still, I ask myself what’s always true. That brings me to my essential nature. Adam was interested in this. He was doing well, but was still troubled by some of the things mentioned above.
As you may know, when I'm talking about your essence, I'm not talking about religion. It’s about contacting the part of you that is always true. It’s just YOU — without mind, without stories, without a script. Just YOU living your life without any idea of words or thoughts. You are alive. So I had Adam dialogue with his Essence or Essential Nature. Here’s a small portion of a dialogue Adam had with his Essence.
ADAM: Essence, are you there?
ESSENCE: I’m always here.
ADAM: My mind, my thoughts, and my stories keep getting in the way. Can you help me with that?
ESSENCE: I’m beyond your thoughts, your mind, and your stories.
ADAM: So how do I get away from my thoughts and tune in to you?
ESSENCE: Do what George suggests. Relax. Be still. Sink into the part of you that is me — your Essence or Essential Nature.
ADAM: That’s all I have to do?
ESSENCE: Yes. Close your eyes. Clear your mind. Relax. Breathe. And listen to the part of you that is not your mind, not your thoughts, not your stories, and not your addiction.
The idea is to give yourself the very best MIND possible, as opposed to having a mind plagued with negative subpersonalities like fear, shame, pain, and anger. By being in touch with his Essential Nature or Essence through dialoguing, Adam is calming down, relaxing, and having more peace, joy, and serenity. You can do this, too.
There's one more important point I'd like to make here: many people think they can just imagine the dialogue. However, whenever possible, it’s extremely beneficial to write out your dialogues.
When you start this process, your mind might try to trick you into thinking that if you dialogue once in awhile, it’ll probably work. But trust the experts: You need to dialogue as often as possible. To be successful at changing your mind — changing how you THINK — it’s best to do a lot of dialogues. Even if you do a few a day — practice, practice, practice — it really works. Why not start right now?
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