Maybe porn stopped working. You need more of it, or something further out than you used to need, and it still doesn't land the way it once did — and some part of you is more unsettled by that than by the habit itself.
Or maybe you've already said it. I'm done. You've said it before, and meant it, and it didn't hold, and now you're not sure whether the problem is the porn or you.
Neither of those means what you're afraid it means. Needing more to get the same effect is one of the most ordinary things that happens to heavy users — it is a shift in what your brain has come to expect, not a verdict on your character. (We've written about the dopamine side of that if you want the mechanism.) And saying "I'm done" without it sticking is not so much a failed attempt as the ordinary shape of stopping. Read the comments underneath this article — there are nearly two hundred of them, going back to 2013 — and you will find the same people saying it three and four times before anything changes.
You don't have to decide today whether you're an addict. That word stops a lot of people at the door, and it isn't the useful question anyway. The useful question is smaller and harder: is this costing you more than you want to pay?
What follows is one man's account of the six months after he stopped, in his own words. It's here because people kept asking whether it is actually worth it, and he answers that better than we can. And if you came here counting days — a week, a month, three months — what people describe at each stage is further down this page.
You don't have to be a slave to porn. Below (from one of our amazing clients) are 6 things in your life that get better after you quit porn. You can do it too.
Six months ago, my entire day revolved around porn. It was ruining my relationship. It was getting in the way of my goals and plans. It just had to stop, so I embarked upon a path to give up my porn obsession. I called Compulsion Solutions because I had decided that it was time to get help with porn addiction and grow up. Now I can undoubtedly say: Life is better.
I know that when you first give up any addiction, it can be difficult to be optimistic. If you're in the beginning stages of giving up a vice, there are days when you are going to hate it. So I want to share some of the things you get to look forward to when you finally kick that crap to the curb...
1. You suddenly have more time in your day.
What do you want to accomplish in your life? Do you want to learn another language? Finish reading the Harry Potter books? Learn to cook? Build a birdhouse? Do you want to become a professional basketball player? Make some extra money? Visit France? Shake hands with Obama? Earn a promotion? Get a girlfriend? Start a band? Lose weight?
Well, guess what! Giving up porn can give you back the time that you've been missing. When I was using, I would find myself watching porn for hours at a time. Add it all up over a week and I had a part-time job watching porn. The only thing it paid me was shame and regret. Things were always getting done at last minute, I was often late for work or meeting with friends, and my apartment was always a mess.
Take porn addictions out of the equation and suddenly I had a huge chunk of time that I could put toward all those things I wanted to accomplish. The laundry, dishes, and vacuuming all got done in a day. I was able to concentrate on improving myself instead of hurting myself. My homework and assignments were all getting handed-in on time. And just recently, I ended up with a 90% average in school. I also won a small scholarship for having the highest grades in my program. I added more to my writing and multimedia portfolio than I thought possible.
The best part is, all the new skills, goals and accomplishments suddenly become your focus throughout your day instead of videos of naked people. You have to hide your porn use, but your new job/skills/car/girlfriend/etc. — Those are all things you get to be proud of.
2. You start to like yourself. (So do other people.)
This all ties into the new skills and hobbies you develop. The most amazing writer, David Wong, of Cracked.com said it best: "You can't bullshit yourself into being happy."
If by the end up the day, all you've accomplished is a few deposits into the spank bank and you look around to see that your place is still a disaster, what is there to feel happy about? Well, that's the problem.
Human beings generate happiness from accomplishment — even small accomplishments. Instead of letting that mess in your room accumulate, clean it up and you can smile and say: It's so much nicer in here. Oh hey! That's where my cat was hiding. From there, you can carry that effort into other things that make you happy.
Another important side effect from giving up porn is that,other people will like you for it.
Once you give up your porn addictions, you suddenly become the type of person employers want to hire, the type of friend people want to have, and the type of guy that girls want to date. It's only natural.
Productive members of society just get more respect and admiration from people because they're just more fun to be around. You learn that you didn't need to win a gold medal, have lots of money, or be a movie star for people to like you. You just had to accomplish a few small things to become the person that people wanted to be around. An effort at anything is usually enough to make you feel much better about yourself.
3. Sex starts to feel real again.
As Gary Wilson of yourbrainonporn.com says: "Sex is not the same thing as porn." It's the same way that playing Call of Duty on Xbox isn't the same thing as going to war in Afghanistan.
When I was using, I would look forward to porn, but I would dread sex. Sex with my girlfriend felt like a chore. It wasn't her fault. I would avoid sex because I had trained my brain to look for porn for arousal. So, when it came time to satisfy my girlfriend, it just emphasized the distance I had created between us.
It didn't happen right away, but after a short time, I started to desire her touch again. I didn't have to distance myself from intimacy or passion. Porn doesn't have those things. Porn obsession lets you dismiss it when you notice a small imperfection and move on to the next video. It creates a desire for an unrealistic sex life that would never, ever satisfy anyone. It is also something that I'd project onto myself. I'd think I'd have to be built, or hung to be desired in such a way.
Leaving it all behind made me start to notice my girlfriend again and love her for who she was. It made me stop objectifying other girls as well.
Have you noticed that girls don't want to spend time around you? I sure did. They were put off by my crudeness — and I don't blame them.
4. You finally get to stop lying.
Living with a sexual compulsion was like having a double life. I constantly worried about being caught again by my girlfriend. I'd obsess about checking to make sure my history was erased and that my cookies were deleted. No matter how many times I would check, I still felt paranoid that might have left a bread crumb somewhere and that would be the end of my relationship. My girlfriend would confront me on things I couldn't explain. She'd always expect something and I'd get mad at her for not trusting me, which was completely stupid because I wasn't trustworthy.
When you live a lie for long enough, you start to convince yourself of it as well — and the more lies you tell, it becomes harder to tell the truth about anything. To overcome this, I had to come clean about my sexual addiction and deceptions to my girlfriend
It was incredibly painful, but after a few months, I can definitely say that it was worth it. I started to tell the truth knowing that my girlfriend could have left me for it, but it turned out that all she ever really wanted was honesty.
Once I decided giving up porn was the best option, I didn't have to hide anymore. If I made a mistake, I could admit to it. I didn't have to pretend to be perfect. So, now when my girlfriend asks me what I did today, I can tell her the unedited version of what I really did. I no longer have to worry about hurting her ever again.
5. You understand what it means to be in control.
We all know that sexual addictions are not limited to porn or sex. The human mind is an amazing thing and it can turn almost anything into a drug. A&E has a show dedicated to people with addictions to everything from alcohol and heroin to food and shopping.
Once I dropped the porn from my daily routine, my brain still wanted the dopamine it was used to. I understand that it is incredibly easy to fall back into the same habit with a whole new fix. But when you apply what you learned from your porn addictions to other aspects of your life, it helps you make the best choices.
If there is one thing I've learned from this journey, it's this: You're an adult now and if you make bad choices, no one is going to stop you. When you're a kid, your parents limit the time you spend watching TV, they make you eat your vegetables before dessert, and you had to clean your bedroom if you wanted your allowance.
Well, you're all grown up now. Are you going to eat McDonald's every day? Are you going to rack up your credit cards until you're bankrupt? Are you going to drink until you throw up each night?
If you do, no one will stop you. They may say to you, “Hey Mike, you might want to cut back on the pizza.” But no one will physically stand in your way. If you keep calling Domino’s, they will keep delivering.
Porn addicts are certainly an example of this. There is a chance that no one will know you're addicted to it. The only one who can stand in your way is you. I learned to think of all the consequences. I learned to ask myself, do I need this much of this? Is this the best decision? How will this affect me tomorrow? I'm not saying that I obsess over it, but it's up to me to be my own best friend. That's what an adult does.
6. Things seem possible again.
When I was using porn. It was my crutch. Had a bad day = porn. Fight with a girlfriend = porn. Bored = porn.
Things just seemed too damn hard when I was on it. I've used the example of my messy apartment a few times, so here it is again. It's hard to imagine what was really stopping me from just getting up and doing the dishes each day. Now it's no surprise.
Add up all the previous points on this list and there was a guy who:
Didn't do anything with himself
People didn't want to be around him
Was afraid of intimacy
Was living a lie
Had no self-control.
It's no wonder life felt so difficult each day. I wanted an excuse to watch porn so I'd look for reasons to feel tired, stressed, and overwhelmed.
Once I gave up porn, after a while, I gained the perspective that life really isn't that bad. Yes, bad things do happen. Things can be tough, but when I'm looking for a crutch every time things don't go my way, then I see how I'm missing out on the good things.
I've been without porn for six months and I now:
Work hard at my job and school and have acquired many more useful skills that I'm proud of
I'm the type of person people want to have around
I love intimacy and sex with my girlfriend again
I'm up front and honest
I do my best to control myself and make the right decisions
All of these are things I wanted to accomplish, all things I wanted to become. I know I can do them. I don't have to feel held up by anything because life doesn't feel so heavy anymore. Life feels like it is worth living.
I truly believe that life will only continue to get better from here and it can be the same way for you. If you find yourself exhausted and overwhelmed as you just begin to get counseling for porn addiction, then know that this is what you have to look forward to.
Recognize that there will be slip ups, problems, and roadblocks along the way, but you're trading a bunch of pixels of naked people on a computer monitor for real life with happiness, success, and freedom. Never forget that.
What people describe, stage by stage
One thing has to be said before any of this, because it is the part most articles leave out: nobody has properly measured this. The most rigorous study anyone has run on stopping followed 176 regular users for seven days — not seven weeks, not six months — and found no measurable group-level withdrawal effect at all (Fernandez and colleagues, Archives of Sexual Behavior, 2023). A systematic review by the same group, covering 47 abstinence studies across six different behaviours, concluded that there is "a paucity of prospective studies" in this area (Fernandez, Kuss and Griffiths, Clinical Psychology Review, 2020).
So what follows is not research, and we are not going to dress it up as research. It is what people describe — in the comments on this page, and in our consulting room. The timings vary enormously from one person to the next. Treat the headings below as rough markers, not a schedule: if your week four looks like someone else's month three, nothing has gone wrong. We've set out how long each stage tends to last in more detail separately.
The first few days
The most common thing people describe here is not craving. It is space — an unnerving amount of it. The habit was filling something, whether that was boredom, the end of the working day or the twenty minutes after an argument, and the shape of that gap is very noticeable when nothing goes into it.
Some people describe strong urges immediately. Others describe almost nothing for several days and then get hit later in the first week. Both are ordinary, and the quiet start is not a sign that this will be easy. People also frequently describe reaching for it automatically — hand already on the phone before any decision was made — which is worth noticing rather than treating as a failure.
The first two or three weeks
This is the stage where the comments underneath this article get rawest. One reader wrote simply:
"DAY 14 of no porn… I was so close to relapsing today."
Irritability, restlessness, broken sleep, low mood and a short fuse all come up repeatedly here, and so does anxiety that arrives without an obvious cause. Whether that counts as withdrawal in the clinical sense is genuinely unsettled — the seven-day study above found no group-level effect — but people report it consistently enough that it is worth expecting rather than being blindsided by. If that is what you are in the middle of right now, we've written in more detail about the withdrawal side of this.
This is also the stretch where the images themselves feel most intrusive, and a lot of people find that the most disheartening part, because it feels as though the habit followed them out the door.
Around one month
Two things come up again and again at the one-month mark.
The first is that the intensity has usually dropped. Not to nothing — but the pull tends to become less constant and more situational, attached to particular times of day or particular moods rather than sitting there all the time.
The second is harder to describe, and it worries people more. Not craving, not misery — a flatness. Sex, and sometimes everything else, feels further away than it should. The recovery communities call this the flatline. It has no clinical status, no measured duration, and nobody can honestly tell you how long yours will last. But if you are four weeks in and quietly frightened that something has been permanently broken, you are describing what a great many people at four weeks describe.
This is also the point where the masturbation question stops being theoretical. It is the single most-asked question in the comments on this page, and it deserves a straight answer rather than a slogan, so we've given it one: can you masturbate during recovery?
Around three months
By three months the most common report is that it has stopped being a daily act of will and started being closer to a fact about your life. People describe getting through a whole day without the question coming up at all — which, at week two, would have seemed unlikely.
Two other things tend to surface instead. One is that the feelings the habit was covering are now uncovered: people frequently describe stress, loneliness or anger landing more sharply than they used to, because the thing that blunted them is gone. The other is that a slip at this stage tends to hit harder than an early one, precisely because there is more behind you.
Worth saying plainly: almost nobody who comes back to these comments describes a clean line. They describe a line with breaks in it.
Six months and beyond
The account above this section is from a man six months out, so we will let him speak for himself rather than summarising him.
What we would add is what people tend to say when they write to us later. The change they mention most often is not a dramatic one. It is that the whole subject has stopped taking up room — it is no longer a decision that has to be made every day. Some people do describe changes in desire, and in sex with a partner, somewhere around this stretch; those are the changes we are asked about most and the ones that have been measured least, so we are not going to put a timeline on them. If it is the gains rather than the experience you are after, we've written separately about what people report once they are through this.
And the honest ending: there is no finish line at which this is declared over. People describing it years later still tend to describe it as something they pay attention to, rather than something that was cured.
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196 comments on “6 Things That Get Better After Quitting Porn”
i am a big porn addict.i masturbate even three times a day. everytime i take resolutions not to watch porn and the very next minute , i would find myself watching porn. i don't know what to do. i have tried ways but all of them seem to be in vain.
i am a student 17 years old and i have been watching porn since i was in 6th standard. i even had some sort of sex plays with my friends in the hostel. i dont know what to do. my studies are being seriously affected.
help me out soon!!
Bruce, Give me a call at Compulsion Solutions. I'll be happy to help you. Also, get ahold of my book, "Breaking the Cycle." You can get it on amazon.com or at Barnes and Noble stores in the US.
Best George Collins, Director
(925) 932 0201
I don't watch porn a lot, but whenever I watch porn I masturbate with it. I mean I do both watching porn and masturbtion at the same time. Since found the information about porn bad effects on people mind and that it is addictive, I am trying to quite it.. the problem is that recently I have masturbated without porn. I used to do them together. Now when I masturbate but not do that with porn, I really feel nervous and depressed after that. My body urges me that I wath porn then masturbate with that at the same time... I don't know what to do. I think that is what I have trained my mind to do with my libido. How long will it take me to recover? Besides I cant stop masturbating either. Will it be possible to get free from porn without quiting masturbtion? ????
Samim, Get a hold of my book, "Breaking the Cycle" if you want the answers to your questions. Either that or call/Skype me and I'll be happy to help. Best, George Collins, Director, 925-932-0201
I am currently trying to quit. I'm 22 and I feel like I am already living a better life even with porn being cut for a few days. I have tried many things, but I would always just break. What I am doing right now is every time I feel the urge to watch porn, I would just immediately divert my attention away with a nostalgic episode of the Simpsons. It's working great for the moment, and I just wanted to know if its healthy to masturbate without porn once in a while. Also even things like surfing Reddit and 9gag will often show erotic pictures or videos. Does viewing those count as porn? Thanks.
Porn and masturbaio both will destroy your lust your sex drive sexuality..making out having sex with your wife is much more harmless than porn and masturbation..leave it and save your love your libido..porn kills love porn makes punisher violent towards woman..fight fucking devil
every day i decide that from tomorrow i'll not going to watch , but dont know why it happens that i just open it ,like not in my control and start using it , ihave given up now i think i cannot overcome the addiction.
Sir I was addicted to watch porn but now I don't feel it. But the problem that now occurs is that I am trying to find out people (through online apps) with whom I can perform sex. And I have strong urges towards performing sex.And I'm just 22. I don't want to perform sex. I am gay and sex with men is forbidden.and the marriage with girl won't help me either.So please sir suggest me something, so that I can suppress my urges to talk dirty with men and stop myself from desiring to have sex with them,, please help me out please sir
I have stoped wathching porn since faced porn effects. I decided to stop porn two months agao. Before that time I had watch ed porn and masturbated at the same time three or four times a week. After quitting porn I still masturbate but without porn. The problem is that I still watch porn once or twice in 10 days. If I dont watch it even after ten days, is it still hard to quit?. I feel better than the days when I was watching porn alot. After quiting I also faced with difficulties Like feeling nervous, stressed, ashamed, muscle problems etc. Now I want ask that how to leave it forever . Please help me if you can. Please Write my answer in the comment if you can because I cant call.
Yes, you can stop porn addiction. And, just like drugs and alcohol, you will have withdrawal symptoms (like feeling nervous, stressed, etc.) I'd encourage you to get (and work) my book, "Breaking the Cycle." You can get the book at any Barnes and Noble store or online at amazon.com. Let me know how we can help further. We do phone sessions with men from all over the world with optimal results. Best, George
I'm a 23 year old male who was severely addicted to porn since a young age.
I've decided to quit 3 years ago and I've had some relapses although had some very long streaks free from porn. The problem is that I have emotional issues and suppressed emotions and I use porn to run away from it.
Every time I stop using porn, I have severe anger and rage. I also struggle with bad social paranoia and anxiety and I have trouble concentrating and thinking when there's people around. I don't know this happens but these symptoms do not go away ever unless I'm abusing porn. I generally felt emotionally numb after a porn session. I'd watch about 6 hours of porn at least, a day.
I've had a relapse recently which lasted 3 weeks although I've managed to pull myself out once again (it's been a few days).
Do you have any tips on what the heck I should do about the anger and rage? It's extremely unpleasant and I'm hoping it'll go away soon with help and changes.
Collin, Why not give me a call here at Compulsion Solutions? I'd be happy to talk to you about our programs and the anger that inhibits your healthy life. Your sex addiction and anger are interrelated. I know. I suffered from the same thing. Best, George (925) 932 0201
I know EXACTLY what your talking about Collin..... The porn is gone but the anger lurks.
I am 18 years old and started porn when I was about 11.
I am two weeks into no porn!!!!!!! I hope it holds.
Jared, good to hear from you. Glad that you see the anger motivates this stuff. Get a hold of my book, "Breaking the Cycle." It will really help you. I lived that life too. The book nails what you're talking about. Best, George Collins, Director
When your testosterone increases you will feel more aggressive.
It's because you are male.
You think you are the only person that feels like that ?.
Focus your energy onto something positive., get something done.
Play sport, take up boxing, go for a run, go to the gym, clean your house, build something.
If you go for a 10km run you will not feel angry any more, you will feel calm.
Trust me.
And if you still feel angry after the 10km run, do it again. don't be lazy.
First of all we've been married 20 years and our sex life has been awful. The wife likes it only one way and to me it's so boring. I've tried every thing for buying books and explaining that sex would be a whole lot better doing different ways. But no she refuses so I just decided to watch porn. At least the actors are doing sex in different ways. She calls me a pervert and a sex freak. I just told her that if she can't change then I won't have sex with her, as you can imagine it turned into a yelling match. I don't have sex with her and when in the mood I watch a good porn movie on line.
Adam, It's time to get some good couples counseling with someone who understands this issue. Call me and I can help you find someone who can help. Best, George, 925-932-0201
I am still at the beginning and it's surprisingly difficult for me to cut out pornography.Sometimes i feel it is an irreversible situation that has been established to myself over the years of "innocent" curiosity.Your post gives a glimpse of hope to me!
Like Nike says, "Just do it!" Get a copy of my book "Breaking the Cycle." You can get a free copy of the intro and first chapter by clicking on the link at the end of this blog post. Let the tools land. DO the homework. Be more relentless than your addict. YOU are not your addict. George
Get my book, "Breaking the Cycle" at Barnes and Noble book store or at amazon.com. Read it. It tells you how to QUIT....and not miss it. And, call us at Compulsion Solutions if you want support. We'll help you quit. We know how. George
We know porn can be an addiction but how about masturbation, is it also harmful? I have seen and viewed lots of websites about masturbation. But the Idea's about are different. That is what really makes me confused. The website "Howtostopmasturbation.com" says that masturbation absolutely destroy your life and kills you, but othera like "Wikipedia, webmd, etc says that it is a natural habit and all people do it and say masturbation not only is normal but it also has benefits for the body. Please help me anyone and give the right answer on what to trust!
Drinking beer is ok.
However, if you are alcoholic. It will destroy your life.
This is my answer:
Porn is unnatural and bad for you in any quantity. Don't use it.
Masturbation is natural in moderation, do it no more than once per week, as a relief.
Yeah, this is the truth. Quitting porn is essential when it's a routine and ritual and is resulting in intimacy issues within relationships. Okay, maybe the guy is single and just prefers porn to real life intimacy - maybe these guys exist and there may be no convincing them. Or maybe some guys use porn, but there is nary a complaint from significant others. BUT if you're getting complaints like the ones posted by Neglectedandhurt here, and you STILL think porn use is okay for you, I gotta say: You're in denial.
For me, I think single or otherwise porn needs to go. I also know I have compulsive sexual behavior WITHOUT porn that involves masturbation - and some things that I do that are considered "not normal" or even dangerous.
So for me there is more to it than porn addiction, for me it's also about compulsive sexual behavior.
I think some guys will cause trouble in their relationships even with "just masturbation" if they are masturbating compulsively. If your partner is available for intimacy and you're turning that person down regularly to have "sex by yourself" (with or without porn) it's a PROBLEM.
Dear Northern Guy, Great insights into yourself. And, it would really help if you could get a hold of my book, "Breaking the Cycle," as well as our book "A Couple's Guide to Sexual Addiction." A lot of your difficult questions will be answered. Don't hesitate to give us a call here at Compulsion Solutions. We'd be happy to talk to you and give you some thoughts.
Best, George Collins, Director
My boyfriend and I have been together for only 8 months and have never had a good sex life. I have talked to him many times about what may be the issue, and at first he offered explanations such as the timing wasn't right, and that he has never been a sexual person. Recently I discovered a post it note where he had written down a dozen names of porn stars. He told me it was before we met, and as much as I wanted to believe him, that pit in my stomach continued to nag. I finally checked his phone history, and discovered he'd been watching porn almost daily. He says its just a habit, and will stop but refuses counseling.
When we got together, I shared a very painful part of my life where my marriage was destroyed by porn. He has rejected me numerous times, and I'd even asked him to get his T levels checked. This he agreed to do, but it has been several months and nothing, including sex with me.
I feel that at this point, I've shared with him how I feel, I've asked for him to make some sort of effort to help resolve the issue, I've been patient, and I've been compassionate. But he isn't doing anything to reassure me that this is still not an ongoing problem.
He has also confided that he has had previous relationships break up over his lack of sexual intimacy, and although I don't want to just give up on him too, I don't know what else to do. I'm numb at this point, and my sexual desire for him has diminished greatly.
Dear Neglected, My book, "Breaking the Cycle," deals with these issues. It's available at Barnes and Noble stores on at amazon.com (type in sex or porn addiction). You need to take action to heal this issue for you both. You could also read our other book, "A Couples Guide to Sexual Addiction." There's good help there too. It's available at the same sources as "Breaking the Cycle."
Thank you George,
I am all for taking action and reading your book, but he just thinks he can flat out stop without doing anything else. I feel that he is in denial, and doesn't realize that just saying he is going to stop restores my trust.
Neglected, At least he has a positive attitude. Get both books. Have him read "Breaking the Cycle" and DO the homework. Also, get "The Couple's Guide" and work on that together. If he needs more help, have him call me at Compulsion Solutions. Best, George
THANK YOU SO MUCH. THIS REALLY HELPED ME. THANK YOU FOR BEING ETHICAL AND SANE AND HELPING ME AND OTHERS. YOU SET SUCH A GOOD EXAMPLE. GOD BLESS MY FRIEND YOU ARE MAKING A DIFFERENCE
Hi ,thanks for this awesome article l have resolved to call it quits.l have watched porn several times l believe self control is the key to overcome this terrible addiction although not easy.God will help me each day to come free . May you be blessed.
Antony, Glad the article helped. Wouldn't hurt for you to get my book, "Breaking the Cycle." God will help you AND it's good if you help yourself too. It works if you work it.
I'd be happy to talk to you. Give me a call at Compulsion Solutions. 925-932-0201.
You can, also, get a hold of my best selling book, "Breaking the Cycle." It's at Barnes and Noble bookstores and on amazon.com. You can get over this. Best, George
There is one thing that WILL help. When you get the crave again ask yourself this question "Will giving into the urge benefit me in the long run?" The answer is no. So training your mind to think logically will help yourself to control those urges a loooooot easier, trust me;)
P.s. and a good way to prevent a crave startjng from looking at something that is really sexually attractive to you is to tell yourself "I accept that I am attracted to that", I stead of fighting that sexual feeling. Why? Rebelling against sexualness will only make it come back even stronger. So next time when you come across that thing that sets sexual drives off, tell yourself that they are good looking instead of trying to fight it. It helps I promise!:)
Dead right, Brian. Repression didn't work for me, either. Once I discovered that I could recognize and experience an urge to use, then let the urge go unfulfilled, it became so much easier. 51 days clean and counting!
I have been watching porn for maybe 7 years on and off... I feel like my mental health and respect for woman has been slowly getting worse, so recently I tried to give up but only lasted a few weeks. I find myself watching more and more sadistic videos and it really really freaks me out that I'm turned on by that shit. It's just fucking horrible and I don't want it to be part of my life anymore... After reading through the comments here it's incredible to learn just how real this addiction is for people and how it can effect mental health so much. I'm going to try give up once and for all starting right fucking now!! Thanks for this article guys! 🙂
Warren, So glad that you read the article and GET how horrible sex and porn addiction is. Give me a call (at Compulsion Solutions) if you need to talk. You can, also, get a lot of help from my book, "Breaking the Cycle." It's available at Barnes and Noble stores and on amazon.com. You CAN overcome this misery if you do the work. Best, George
all I can say is WOW. I have been addicted to porn for many years... it has become a dangerous habit and i have tried to break free on several occasions. Learning that i am not alone in this adds to my determination. So many valuable experiences. So many success stories!! I will be purchasing this book tonite, i look forward to the day when i can say I used to be addicted! Now I am free.
Great Darryl, Let me know how it goes. If you need some help give me a call. We do telephone sessions with men from all over the world. It helps to be accountable. Best, George Collins, Director
What if you don't dread sex and use porn to get off when your gf cant. ex like whens shes out of town and /or isn't up for the task. i mean we constantly have sex and she wants it almost every time i do . but is it wrong to use porn to get off rather than be tempted by another woman and cheat?..
JDZ, Using porn is edgy. Would you want your girl to look at videos of guys with big penis' having sex with women? And, Watching porn is a form of cheating on your girl. You're having sex with someone else. Those thoughts accumulate and often go to the next level....having actual sex with another. Porn is progressive. I get guys who edged up and up and up until they got in real trouble because of porn. Why not just think of of HER when she's gone? Read my book, "Breaking the Cycle" if you want to understand how porn can damage men and their relationships. Best, George
Adam, I thought that way for years.Lost two wives over that kind of thinking. Get my book, "Breaking the Cycle" if you can. It's at Barnes and Noble stores or on amazon.com. Read it then give me a call at Compulsion Solutions. Love to talk about it with you. Best, George Collins, Director
I wish I knew some way to get my boyfriend to want to read this website and get some help. He has been doing porn for many years, like since he was a kid, and he's in his 40s now. He thinks he is OK, that there is nothing wrong and he can just get over it by himself. He's lied to me so many times and I've caught him so many times. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't trust him and I really love him so much but don't want to end things. Our relationship was good for a long time before I found out. He was hiding it from me, and everything is messed up. He doesn't believe in any such thing as sex addiction and he thinks this doesn't apply to him at all, only to other guys who have it worse, that his isn't so bad.
He says he has stopped for months now and he isn't looking at anything or masturbating at all, but he's not very interest in having sex, and the qulaity of it hasn't gotten much better.
I read the article and had a few questions! I am going to stop watching pornography and I have read about something called flatlining. It is when your penis goes flaccid and almost dead for a long period of time after you stop watching porn. I have a girlfriend and am trying to stop my ED or Performance anxiety or whatever I have, but I do not want to flatline after not watching porn. Do you have any feedback on this? Thank you.
George your book has greatly helped me in a time of need. This fall I finally told my wife I still have a problem with porn after having been caught several times. While working offshore I came across your book "Breaking the Cycle" on Amazon and downloaded it to my kindle. The first few nights dialogue alone was very scary but each day I felt more secure with myself. Now six months later I feel free of porn, I've had a few slips along the way, but now I feel more aware than ever and dialogue with myself as I feel the urge to masturbate and try telling my addict to turn that behavior into positive energy.
I do feel more energy and am very excited to wake up each morning, however I deeply want to reconcile with my wife as she is the person who helped me greatly along the way. We have been separated since, and its difficult to get her to cooperate to even talk with me now or even see her and my son. This has been a great stress to me as we have no custody arrangements and I rarely get to see my two year old son and only hope he is safe. I hope she someday will come back to me but right now I am lost in the fog of hurt and shame I bestowed upon her and see no end to this antagonizing fear she has of me.
Daniel, SO glad that the book helped you so much. Give me a call sometime (925-932-0201) and we can talk about some sort of strategy where we might be able to heal the wounds between you and your wife. I'm right here. Best, George
For the past 2 years, I have been experiencing ED in the sac, following years of porn addiction since a young age. I have been trying to quit watching porn back and forth. I have no trouble getting girlfriends, but when it comes to sex, it's alot of work to keep them due to my lack of confidence and drive from instant gratification thanks to porn. It's even had me going through questioning my sexuality, due to my lack of drive I had when I was in highschool. I'm in my mid 20s, and therefore do not believe this is how I have to feel at all. I also am super healthy physically, just not as much mentally in the meantime.
I was porn addicted for about ten years. I tried to stop it many times but all that I could do stay out from porn for week, not more. But something really put me out. I watched or better say listened several "Facialabuse" scenes. Many girls cried during a scenes, many of them showed traces of cutting (of themself), many of them were molested, some of them were drug addicted. And all of them did it only for the money. So there is one of that scenes - after another shitbag did his dirty job with that girl, operator came closer to the girl and said something like "what happened to you that moment, why did you cried ? did you fell into one of those bad moments of your life? She made "no nod" in response, he asked again - is it something private? she nodded. Operator again tried to find out what was wrong, but girl said something like "do you want to play my psychologist." and he told "no. I honestly dont give a shit about it. I have a great life, and now I'll go home to the people who love me. And where are you going?" The girl, almost crying answered "nowhere ".. You cant imagine how it looked. After that I decided to stop watch that dirty shit.
Now I'm without porn for about 2 month. Sure it's not a big term, but I hope there is no turning back.
That's my story. Good luck to you guys.
I had a similar experience. I found my way to the f-a site and was absolutely horrified at myself and at what I was watching. I think I basically collapsed inward for a long time after that and wouldn't go anywhere near a real girl out of fear of what I'd think of when with her. I've been mostly free of baseline behaviour for over a year now, both through George's book and another online service - one thing I appreciate about George's stuff is how it makes you realize your own emotional loneliness when engaging in that shit. I'm in an extremely healthy relationship now - I wouldn't have been able to at this time last year.
Ganz, So glad that the book was so helpful. You might want to also work with one of my guys and let him walk you through the book. When reading it alone, many have some "selective reading." The addict self reads too and skips over some important stuff and doesn't want to do the homework. Weird how that works. You could, also, be in one of our small telephone groups or do OUR online course...neulia.com. Let me know how it goes. How good CAN you stand it? George
I am porn addicted for the last 16 years. most of the times I did it till I masturbate. the porn star I like most was Sunny Leone. I liked her because of her beautiful body structure. But after seeing her porn clips I felt tired and I did masturbation. I thought of stopping it. But I couldn't. Now I realized that I can stop it. thanks for the support.
Breaking a porn addiction is certainly a daily struggle. I cannot take it for granted that temptations will not return because they do. So often in front of my laptop alone in my apartment there seems to be another entity inside of me compelling me to type in those magic words in the URL, but as the days turn into weeks I can sense what I would jeapordize by giving into the impulse - a more integrated, centered, powerful personality & I just cannot succumb to the lie and impotence which is the iniquity of viewing pornography.
David, Feel free to give me a call here at Compulsion Solutions or read my book, "Breaking the Cycle." It's the best selling book for a reason. It works. I'd be happy to send you the intro and first chapter at no charge. George
i think this is the beginning of a healthier life, just by stumbling across this website the urges to view pornography are diminishing. It is just mind boggling the amount of pornographic videos that linger in the minds of people everywhere. with new hope comes new success.
Hi i have been PMO free for 2 weeks now and No urges at all… But I get urges for sex But i can’t find a girl friend ..Im very attractive guy… but can’t seem to find a girl friend.. I can get one But Im not attracted to them.. So what do i do ?? I hate paying for sex.. do I just sex and PMO altogether ?? thanks please Help
Great article.You how a burden feels lighter when you read stories of people who succesfully dealtwith it.I have tried many times to quit but believe you me,i aint doing that s**t again.Seriously,itsdestroying my life.I dont want to endanger my future relationships with something i can stop now.Its now or never.
Gustavo, I'd invite you to read my book, "Breaking the Cycle" and give me a call here at Compulsion Solutions. I can help you sort this "stuff" out. Best, George Collins, Director
I've stopped watching porn for quite a while now, it didn't really like it anymore.
I still masturbate a few times per week though, focusing on the sensations and what I feel.
Sometimes if I don't really "focus" on the feeling, it's hard to stay fully aroused.
Would it be better to stop masturbation for an extended period? Or keep focusing as much on the sensation of what I'm feeling and try to kepe myself aroused without orgasm?
Jay, Tricky stuff. Give me a call here at Compulsion Solutions -- 925-932-0201. I'd be happy to talk to you about the alternatives that we prescribe for our clients. Best, George
"As Gary Wilson ofyourbrainonporn.com says: 'Sex is not the same thing as porn.' It’s the same way that playing Call of Duty on Xbox isn’t the same thing as going to war in Afghanistan."
This is a great article. I've been reading up on a lot of information regarding nofap. I definitely feel a lot stronger, confident, and more importantly happy with who I am as a person. Although i still have challenges in edging, especially in the morning, I no longer feel the need to watch pornography.
David, Great start. Have a look at my book, if you haven't already. It will give you a LOT of help in changing your mind....which is what you have to do. It's called,"Breaking the Cycle" by George Collins. It's at Barnes and Noble and amazon.com. Let me know how you like it. It WILL work. George
DAY 14 of no porn...AHHHHHHHH I was so close to relapsing today until I read this. How do I stop the the constant reel pornos in my stashed in my brain...does that go away?
Garret, Good to hear that you're trying to fight this off. Are you reading my book, "Breaking the Cycle?" Give me a call if you need more help. We're here. That's what we do. And, we're very good at it. George Collins, Director
I am sending this link to my partner, our whole relationship has been around lies about porn, we have 3 daughters and I love this man with everything I am. The whole relationship he had denied watching porn but I kept getting a gut feeling; then finding it,about 2 years later he finally confessed but promised he he'd stop because how it hurt me but last week I found it and he tried lying but yesterday said he is giving it up for good since I told him it's me or the porn because I've tried everything I try to help me if we can't have sex about 3 times a week plus sex 2-3 times a day I'm drained 3 daughters 6,2,10 months. I'm just tired, but I'm scared he has a problem with the porn but he says he doesn't and that he is giving it up but I think he's gonna slip but not tell me but I tell him I'm so proud of him; if he gets urges to let me know but I don't think he will I don't know what to say or do also I don't want to push him or hurt him or anything. Any help from men that been there would be amazing!!! I'm not willing to lose this man to porn!! Thanks and so sorry for the long post.
Carolyn, Good to hear from you. I'd be happy to talk to you and/or your husband about our programs, using my best selling book, "Breaking the Cycle" as well as life changing telephone counseling. Also, our book, "The Couples Guide to Sexual Addiction" could be KEY in creating the intimacy that you and your husband truly desire. I was a porn addict and I couldn't do it alone. Accountability is huge in overcoming this dis-ease. We're here and we know how to help you.
I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I am married and was addicted to online porn for 10 years. I hid it from my wife for so long - but my behaviour gave me away. It was a hard, long road to recovery with many relapses ( which is normal with any addiction) but the key is for him to not only admit it but to get professional help- it's like being an alchoholic - you can't do it alone - even though you think you can - I know, I've said it to myself so many times. Porn destroys relationships, separates families and contrary to what people say does not contribute to better sex - it degrades those who watch it, perform it and are victims of porn addiction - you, the partner. Don't ever believe the lie that those who are selfish say about porn- that it is harmless. More marriages and relationships are destroyed from porn addiction than anything else these days. PA is often leads to affiliars, deviant sexual behaviour and that often leads to rape. Thankfully, I only read about these consequences - I got help, read a lot on how to stop and have been PA free for over 6 years! Our marriage is stronger than ever and lien doesnt even come to my mind. ( I used to watch it for hours each day - I had one of the worst addictions - couldn't go a day without it! I would get a "high" and the shakes as I anticipated watching a video or seeing a pornstar posing - I loved seeing naked women - not in a sadistic way- but in a natural way- which in itself is wrong. It would eventually lead me to the road of addictiin and shame.
I felt horrible as a husband and a person - but I always told myself that I would break free from it- and with my wife's support and professional help I am free. Your husband CAN do it too - but he has to WANT to! Tell him I did and I was REALLY addicted bad. Tell him that sex does get better and better with the woman he loves not the fake women who only serve one purpose. Love is the answer - if you love someone keep trying and get the professional help. PS - masturbation does not help in getting over PA - it fuels sexual fantasies that lead to relapses. M is selfish and self defeating as it makes a person a sex object in a person's fantasy.
you certainly bring up some good points. My issue is as follows: I have been in a number of relationships where I have gotten my heartbroken. I have fallen in love only to be rejected by the woman I love and tossed to the side like an old newspaper. I have sought therapy for over 10 years to deal with my insecurities. It has not helped. I understand the drug that is porn. I understand that it is a vicious addictive cycle. The fact is, I still haven't heard a convincing argument to stop watching porn. I can masturbate to the most beautiful women(many of which I could not get in real life) with the most perfect bodies. The dopamine rush is a feeling like no other. Many women that I have had sex with in the past appeared to have little interest in pleasing me sexually. Their desire was their own personal satisfaction. I have left these relationships unsatisfied and heartbroken. I try to look at it from a logical stand point.
Girlfriend = heart broke, depression, total lack of control of the situation
Porn = safe from heart break, no rejection, dopamine release at my becon call, I can let women know that they are not a requirement for my happiness
JT, I hear you AND that was MY life too, until I woke up and realized that I was living in reaction to my negative sexual history. Yeah, it wasn't easy but, by doing what I needed to do, I was able to stop the porn madness, increase my self esteem, and experience the beauty of connected intimacy. I GET that you're masturbating TO all those beautiful women. But, when you're done, nobody's there. I've been there and done that. But, I encourage you to get some professional help (I did) and allow yourself the absolute pleasure of a real woman who can really BE with you....all the way. That makes porn obsolete.....really. Have you read my book, "Breaking the Cycle?" Email me at [email protected] and I'll send you the intro and first chapter for free. We work with men, via Skype and phone, from all over the world regarding these issues. Call if you feel like talking. Best, George
Thank you so much for this post. It gives me hope when I am trying to get through a tough day. This really is an addiction on many levels. I have tried other drugs and have been drinking for years and nothing has compared to the fight it takes to quit watching porn (even masturbation for that matter). I find it happens when I am stressed out. So I'm slowly changing things that stress me out into positive activities. Thanks again!
Hi Mike, So glad to hear you're making positive changes. That's terrific. Since this article was helpful, you might also want to check out my book, "Breaking the Cycle." It's available on amazon.com (type in sex addiction or porn addiction in the Amazon search bar). It's right at the top. You can also get it at Barnes and Noble stores (in the addiction section). Work it. Call us if you experience "selective reading." That's where the "addict" is reading too and skips over stuff and doesn't want "you" to do the homework. If that happens, give us a call and we'll guide (push) you through in weekly phone sessions. It works if you work it. We're right here. Best, George
So glad to help. Don't hesitate to call us here at Compulsion Solutions for any help that you need. It seems as though we're talking about you because we've lived that life. We've just chosen, like you, a better way. Best, George
It is really true , when I left watching porn I started to feel more stronger and have more time to do my job and enjoy my life 🙂 . When I was using porn , all that bad videos were living with me anywhere ! Thanks for this article
Great to get your comment. If you need further help, make sure to get a hold of or books, "Breaking the Cycle" and "The Couple's Guide to Sexual Addiction" (if you're partnered). They work. We do individual phone counseling with folks from all over the world. We also have an online course that might interest you. It's called neulia.com. Check it out. Best to you, George
Bro, just thanks man. I am now living the life I want. I have got this wonderful job, beautiful and caring wife who is much better than porn star & a lovely life. once again, thnx bro
Why would i want to replace porn with more healthy habits when i like instant gratification and dont think sex is very important in a relationship(well, at least my other half is not openly complaining yet)? More often than not "healthy" things are tasteless, boring stuff.
100% true what you have said. Great article. Sadly not everyone is aware. It should definetely be part of sex education so youngsters do not fall prey to sex.
I have already started my journey of noporn and deleted almost 35 GB of porn content.
This is such a true post. I have stopped watching porn for the last 3 months and I can tell you it's a better life. I'm in front of a computer many hours a day in the privacy of my own home and have easy access but choose not to view it because I feel so much better spiritually, emotionally etc.. without it. I didn't know that I had a problem until I viewed information about the negative impacts of porn use on the person and I said to myself I fit into this mold. Porn use puts you in an emotional prison and if you keep watching it you will become the dishwasher in that prison.
i also experienced the same feeling and i think now i am much better than the previous time now i am physically fit and healthy my concentration is perfectly good now i can invest my time
Thanks, what you say is true, one can not live a false life watching pornography because it is like living in a fantasy world without limits, that ends up making you slave and leaving aside all your progress in life or your goals, even your daily goals as simple as exercise or paint the fence, and it's sad when you want to have sex discover you've lived in a world of lies.
Very true post. My marriage has seen some tough times. I did this constantly, lying to my partner, hiding, and doing it again. But stick it out and get over this, and your life will be much better, trust me.
Great motivating post. Thanks for sharing your story, Ian.
I also experienced the same benefits after recovering.
I might also add that after overcoming my addiction, I physically felt 10x better. Part of it is because I replaced my porn habit with other, more positive healthy habits, but I think there's also a physical aspect to the guilt and shame of having an addiction that doesn't get talked about much. 6 months after recovering, I felt more energetic and much less physical stress.
Keep it up bro. As the hours days and weeks go by without porn you are becoming stronger and stronger and people of both sexes will start to notice the new you.
Maybe porn stopped working. You need more of it, or something further out than you used to need, and it still doesn't land the way it once did — and some part of you is more unsettled by that than by the habit itself.This all ties into the new skills and hobbies you develop. The most amazing writer, David Wong, of Cracked.com said it best: "You can't bullshit yourself into being happy."
All of these are things I wanted to accomplish, all things I wanted to become. I know I can do them. I don't have to feel held up by anything because life doesn't feel so heavy anymore. Life feels like it is worth living.
i am a big porn addict.i masturbate even three times a day. everytime i take resolutions not to watch porn and the very next minute , i would find myself watching porn. i don't know what to do. i have tried ways but all of them seem to be in vain.
i am a student 17 years old and i have been watching porn since i was in 6th standard. i even had some sort of sex plays with my friends in the hostel. i dont know what to do. my studies are being seriously affected.
help me out soon!!
Bruce, Give me a call at Compulsion Solutions. I'll be happy to help you. Also, get ahold of my book, "Breaking the Cycle." You can get it on amazon.com or at Barnes and Noble stores in the US.
Best George Collins, Director
(925) 932 0201
I don't watch porn a lot, but whenever I watch porn I masturbate with it. I mean I do both watching porn and masturbtion at the same time. Since found the information about porn bad effects on people mind and that it is addictive, I am trying to quite it.. the problem is that recently I have masturbated without porn. I used to do them together. Now when I masturbate but not do that with porn, I really feel nervous and depressed after that. My body urges me that I wath porn then masturbate with that at the same time... I don't know what to do. I think that is what I have trained my mind to do with my libido. How long will it take me to recover? Besides I cant stop masturbating either. Will it be possible to get free from porn without quiting masturbtion? ????
Samim, Get a hold of my book, "Breaking the Cycle" if you want the answers to your questions. Either that or call/Skype me and I'll be happy to help. Best, George Collins, Director, 925-932-0201
Porn made me go soft when I brought home a girl.
thank u for the article .. thnx guyz for ur story .
I am currently trying to quit. I'm 22 and I feel like I am already living a better life even with porn being cut for a few days. I have tried many things, but I would always just break. What I am doing right now is every time I feel the urge to watch porn, I would just immediately divert my attention away with a nostalgic episode of the Simpsons. It's working great for the moment, and I just wanted to know if its healthy to masturbate without porn once in a while. Also even things like surfing Reddit and 9gag will often show erotic pictures or videos. Does viewing those count as porn? Thanks.
Porn and masturbaio both will destroy your lust your sex drive sexuality..making out having sex with your wife is much more harmless than porn and masturbation..leave it and save your love your libido..porn kills love porn makes punisher violent towards woman..fight fucking devil
every day i decide that from tomorrow i'll not going to watch , but dont know why it happens that i just open it ,like not in my control and start using it , ihave given up now i think i cannot overcome the addiction.
Sir I was addicted to watch porn but now I don't feel it. But the problem that now occurs is that I am trying to find out people (through online apps) with whom I can perform sex. And I have strong urges towards performing sex.And I'm just 22. I don't want to perform sex. I am gay and sex with men is forbidden.and the marriage with girl won't help me either.So please sir suggest me something, so that I can suppress my urges to talk dirty with men and stop myself from desiring to have sex with them,, please help me out please sir
America is a free country be gay if u want to be but porn is defiantly worse.
I have stoped wathching porn since faced porn effects. I decided to stop porn two months agao. Before that time I had watch ed porn and masturbated at the same time three or four times a week. After quitting porn I still masturbate but without porn. The problem is that I still watch porn once or twice in 10 days. If I dont watch it even after ten days, is it still hard to quit?. I feel better than the days when I was watching porn alot. After quiting I also faced with difficulties Like feeling nervous, stressed, ashamed, muscle problems etc. Now I want ask that how to leave it forever . Please help me if you can. Please Write my answer in the comment if you can because I cant call.
Yes, you can stop porn addiction. And, just like drugs and alcohol, you will have withdrawal symptoms (like feeling nervous, stressed, etc.) I'd encourage you to get (and work) my book, "Breaking the Cycle." You can get the book at any Barnes and Noble store or online at amazon.com. Let me know how we can help further. We do phone sessions with men from all over the world with optimal results. Best, George
I'm a 23 year old male who was severely addicted to porn since a young age.
I've decided to quit 3 years ago and I've had some relapses although had some very long streaks free from porn. The problem is that I have emotional issues and suppressed emotions and I use porn to run away from it.
Every time I stop using porn, I have severe anger and rage. I also struggle with bad social paranoia and anxiety and I have trouble concentrating and thinking when there's people around. I don't know this happens but these symptoms do not go away ever unless I'm abusing porn. I generally felt emotionally numb after a porn session. I'd watch about 6 hours of porn at least, a day.
I've had a relapse recently which lasted 3 weeks although I've managed to pull myself out once again (it's been a few days).
Do you have any tips on what the heck I should do about the anger and rage? It's extremely unpleasant and I'm hoping it'll go away soon with help and changes.
Thanks for the article!
Collin, Why not give me a call here at Compulsion Solutions? I'd be happy to talk to you about our programs and the anger that inhibits your healthy life. Your sex addiction and anger are interrelated. I know. I suffered from the same thing. Best, George (925) 932 0201
I know EXACTLY what your talking about Collin..... The porn is gone but the anger lurks.
I am 18 years old and started porn when I was about 11.
I am two weeks into no porn!!!!!!! I hope it holds.
Jared, good to hear from you. Glad that you see the anger motivates this stuff. Get a hold of my book, "Breaking the Cycle." It will really help you. I lived that life too. The book nails what you're talking about. Best, George Collins, Director
When your testosterone increases you will feel more aggressive.
It's because you are male.
You think you are the only person that feels like that ?.
Focus your energy onto something positive., get something done.
Play sport, take up boxing, go for a run, go to the gym, clean your house, build something.
If you go for a 10km run you will not feel angry any more, you will feel calm.
Trust me.
And if you still feel angry after the 10km run, do it again. don't be lazy.
First of all we've been married 20 years and our sex life has been awful. The wife likes it only one way and to me it's so boring. I've tried every thing for buying books and explaining that sex would be a whole lot better doing different ways. But no she refuses so I just decided to watch porn. At least the actors are doing sex in different ways. She calls me a pervert and a sex freak. I just told her that if she can't change then I won't have sex with her, as you can imagine it turned into a yelling match. I don't have sex with her and when in the mood I watch a good porn movie on line.
Adam, It's time to get some good couples counseling with someone who understands this issue. Call me and I can help you find someone who can help. Best, George, 925-932-0201
I am still at the beginning and it's surprisingly difficult for me to cut out pornography.Sometimes i feel it is an irreversible situation that has been established to myself over the years of "innocent" curiosity.Your post gives a glimpse of hope to me!
Like Nike says, "Just do it!" Get a copy of my book "Breaking the Cycle." You can get a free copy of the intro and first chapter by clicking on the link at the end of this blog post. Let the tools land. DO the homework. Be more relentless than your addict. YOU are not your addict. George
I'm tired of hearing about "Oh THis is what happened once i quit I wanna hear HOW To quit
Get my book, "Breaking the Cycle" at Barnes and Noble book store or at amazon.com. Read it. It tells you how to QUIT....and not miss it. And, call us at Compulsion Solutions if you want support. We'll help you quit. We know how. George
We know porn can be an addiction but how about masturbation, is it also harmful? I have seen and viewed lots of websites about masturbation. But the Idea's about are different. That is what really makes me confused. The website "Howtostopmasturbation.com" says that masturbation absolutely destroy your life and kills you, but othera like "Wikipedia, webmd, etc says that it is a natural habit and all people do it and say masturbation not only is normal but it also has benefits for the body. Please help me anyone and give the right answer on what to trust!
Sakhi, Give me a call at Compulsion Solutions if you'd like. I'd be happy to talk to you about "healthy masturbation."
Best, George Collins, Director, 925-932-0201
Drinking beer is ok.
However, if you are alcoholic. It will destroy your life.
This is my answer:
Porn is unnatural and bad for you in any quantity. Don't use it.
Masturbation is natural in moderation, do it no more than once per week, as a relief.
Yeah, this is the truth. Quitting porn is essential when it's a routine and ritual and is resulting in intimacy issues within relationships. Okay, maybe the guy is single and just prefers porn to real life intimacy - maybe these guys exist and there may be no convincing them. Or maybe some guys use porn, but there is nary a complaint from significant others. BUT if you're getting complaints like the ones posted by Neglectedandhurt here, and you STILL think porn use is okay for you, I gotta say: You're in denial.
For me, I think single or otherwise porn needs to go. I also know I have compulsive sexual behavior WITHOUT porn that involves masturbation - and some things that I do that are considered "not normal" or even dangerous.
So for me there is more to it than porn addiction, for me it's also about compulsive sexual behavior.
I think some guys will cause trouble in their relationships even with "just masturbation" if they are masturbating compulsively. If your partner is available for intimacy and you're turning that person down regularly to have "sex by yourself" (with or without porn) it's a PROBLEM.
That's my opinion anyways.
Dear Northern Guy, Great insights into yourself. And, it would really help if you could get a hold of my book, "Breaking the Cycle," as well as our book "A Couple's Guide to Sexual Addiction." A lot of your difficult questions will be answered. Don't hesitate to give us a call here at Compulsion Solutions. We'd be happy to talk to you and give you some thoughts.
Best, George Collins, Director
My boyfriend and I have been together for only 8 months and have never had a good sex life. I have talked to him many times about what may be the issue, and at first he offered explanations such as the timing wasn't right, and that he has never been a sexual person. Recently I discovered a post it note where he had written down a dozen names of porn stars. He told me it was before we met, and as much as I wanted to believe him, that pit in my stomach continued to nag. I finally checked his phone history, and discovered he'd been watching porn almost daily. He says its just a habit, and will stop but refuses counseling.
When we got together, I shared a very painful part of my life where my marriage was destroyed by porn. He has rejected me numerous times, and I'd even asked him to get his T levels checked. This he agreed to do, but it has been several months and nothing, including sex with me.
I feel that at this point, I've shared with him how I feel, I've asked for him to make some sort of effort to help resolve the issue, I've been patient, and I've been compassionate. But he isn't doing anything to reassure me that this is still not an ongoing problem.
He has also confided that he has had previous relationships break up over his lack of sexual intimacy, and although I don't want to just give up on him too, I don't know what else to do. I'm numb at this point, and my sexual desire for him has diminished greatly.
Dear Neglected, My book, "Breaking the Cycle," deals with these issues. It's available at Barnes and Noble stores on at amazon.com (type in sex or porn addiction). You need to take action to heal this issue for you both. You could also read our other book, "A Couples Guide to Sexual Addiction." There's good help there too. It's available at the same sources as "Breaking the Cycle."
Best, George Collins, Director
Thank you George,
I am all for taking action and reading your book, but he just thinks he can flat out stop without doing anything else. I feel that he is in denial, and doesn't realize that just saying he is going to stop restores my trust.
Neglected, At least he has a positive attitude. Get both books. Have him read "Breaking the Cycle" and DO the homework. Also, get "The Couple's Guide" and work on that together. If he needs more help, have him call me at Compulsion Solutions. Best, George
THANK YOU SO MUCH. THIS REALLY HELPED ME. THANK YOU FOR BEING ETHICAL AND SANE AND HELPING ME AND OTHERS. YOU SET SUCH A GOOD EXAMPLE. GOD BLESS MY FRIEND YOU ARE MAKING A DIFFERENCE
Hi ,thanks for this awesome article l have resolved to call it quits.l have watched porn several times l believe self control is the key to overcome this terrible addiction although not easy.God will help me each day to come free . May you be blessed.
Antony, Glad the article helped. Wouldn't hurt for you to get my book, "Breaking the Cycle." God will help you AND it's good if you help yourself too. It works if you work it.
please help,I can't quit porn and masturbation.I am just 17.I do yoga and lot of exercise still I can't give it up.Help or I will die in hell.
I'd be happy to talk to you. Give me a call at Compulsion Solutions. 925-932-0201.
You can, also, get a hold of my best selling book, "Breaking the Cycle." It's at Barnes and Noble bookstores and on amazon.com. You can get over this. Best, George
There is one thing that WILL help. When you get the crave again ask yourself this question "Will giving into the urge benefit me in the long run?" The answer is no. So training your mind to think logically will help yourself to control those urges a loooooot easier, trust me;)
P.s. and a good way to prevent a crave startjng from looking at something that is really sexually attractive to you is to tell yourself "I accept that I am attracted to that", I stead of fighting that sexual feeling. Why? Rebelling against sexualness will only make it come back even stronger. So next time when you come across that thing that sets sexual drives off, tell yourself that they are good looking instead of trying to fight it. It helps I promise!:)
Dead right, Brian. Repression didn't work for me, either. Once I discovered that I could recognize and experience an urge to use, then let the urge go unfulfilled, it became so much easier. 51 days clean and counting!
I have been watching porn for maybe 7 years on and off... I feel like my mental health and respect for woman has been slowly getting worse, so recently I tried to give up but only lasted a few weeks. I find myself watching more and more sadistic videos and it really really freaks me out that I'm turned on by that shit. It's just fucking horrible and I don't want it to be part of my life anymore... After reading through the comments here it's incredible to learn just how real this addiction is for people and how it can effect mental health so much. I'm going to try give up once and for all starting right fucking now!! Thanks for this article guys! 🙂
Warren, So glad that you read the article and GET how horrible sex and porn addiction is. Give me a call (at Compulsion Solutions) if you need to talk. You can, also, get a lot of help from my book, "Breaking the Cycle." It's available at Barnes and Noble stores and on amazon.com. You CAN overcome this misery if you do the work. Best, George
all I can say is WOW. I have been addicted to porn for many years... it has become a dangerous habit and i have tried to break free on several occasions. Learning that i am not alone in this adds to my determination. So many valuable experiences. So many success stories!! I will be purchasing this book tonite, i look forward to the day when i can say I used to be addicted! Now I am free.
Great Darryl, Let me know how it goes. If you need some help give me a call. We do telephone sessions with men from all over the world. It helps to be accountable. Best, George Collins, Director
I have tried many times to stop watching porn and have failed. But I'm confident this is the time, I'm finished with porn from now
What if you don't dread sex and use porn to get off when your gf cant. ex like whens shes out of town and /or isn't up for the task. i mean we constantly have sex and she wants it almost every time i do . but is it wrong to use porn to get off rather than be tempted by another woman and cheat?..
JDZ, Using porn is edgy. Would you want your girl to look at videos of guys with big penis' having sex with women? And, Watching porn is a form of cheating on your girl. You're having sex with someone else. Those thoughts accumulate and often go to the next level....having actual sex with another. Porn is progressive. I get guys who edged up and up and up until they got in real trouble because of porn. Why not just think of of HER when she's gone? Read my book, "Breaking the Cycle" if you want to understand how porn can damage men and their relationships. Best, George
Man A: Porn makes me happy.
Man B: You only think it makes you happy.
Man A: What's the difference?
Adam, I thought that way for years.Lost two wives over that kind of thinking. Get my book, "Breaking the Cycle" if you can. It's at Barnes and Noble stores or on amazon.com. Read it then give me a call at Compulsion Solutions. Love to talk about it with you. Best, George Collins, Director
I wish I knew some way to get my boyfriend to want to read this website and get some help. He has been doing porn for many years, like since he was a kid, and he's in his 40s now. He thinks he is OK, that there is nothing wrong and he can just get over it by himself. He's lied to me so many times and I've caught him so many times. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't trust him and I really love him so much but don't want to end things. Our relationship was good for a long time before I found out. He was hiding it from me, and everything is messed up. He doesn't believe in any such thing as sex addiction and he thinks this doesn't apply to him at all, only to other guys who have it worse, that his isn't so bad.
He says he has stopped for months now and he isn't looking at anything or masturbating at all, but he's not very interest in having sex, and the qulaity of it hasn't gotten much better.
I read the article and had a few questions! I am going to stop watching pornography and I have read about something called flatlining. It is when your penis goes flaccid and almost dead for a long period of time after you stop watching porn. I have a girlfriend and am trying to stop my ED or Performance anxiety or whatever I have, but I do not want to flatline after not watching porn. Do you have any feedback on this? Thank you.
I forgot to mention that I have noticed myself not getting as hard as I used to for no apparent reason this week and my penis is flaccid more.
George your book has greatly helped me in a time of need. This fall I finally told my wife I still have a problem with porn after having been caught several times. While working offshore I came across your book "Breaking the Cycle" on Amazon and downloaded it to my kindle. The first few nights dialogue alone was very scary but each day I felt more secure with myself. Now six months later I feel free of porn, I've had a few slips along the way, but now I feel more aware than ever and dialogue with myself as I feel the urge to masturbate and try telling my addict to turn that behavior into positive energy.
I do feel more energy and am very excited to wake up each morning, however I deeply want to reconcile with my wife as she is the person who helped me greatly along the way. We have been separated since, and its difficult to get her to cooperate to even talk with me now or even see her and my son. This has been a great stress to me as we have no custody arrangements and I rarely get to see my two year old son and only hope he is safe. I hope she someday will come back to me but right now I am lost in the fog of hurt and shame I bestowed upon her and see no end to this antagonizing fear she has of me.
Daniel, SO glad that the book helped you so much. Give me a call sometime (925-932-0201) and we can talk about some sort of strategy where we might be able to heal the wounds between you and your wife. I'm right here. Best, George
For the past 2 years, I have been experiencing ED in the sac, following years of porn addiction since a young age. I have been trying to quit watching porn back and forth. I have no trouble getting girlfriends, but when it comes to sex, it's alot of work to keep them due to my lack of confidence and drive from instant gratification thanks to porn. It's even had me going through questioning my sexuality, due to my lack of drive I had when I was in highschool. I'm in my mid 20s, and therefore do not believe this is how I have to feel at all. I also am super healthy physically, just not as much mentally in the meantime.
I was porn addicted for about ten years. I tried to stop it many times but all that I could do stay out from porn for week, not more. But something really put me out. I watched or better say listened several "Facialabuse" scenes. Many girls cried during a scenes, many of them showed traces of cutting (of themself), many of them were molested, some of them were drug addicted. And all of them did it only for the money. So there is one of that scenes - after another shitbag did his dirty job with that girl, operator came closer to the girl and said something like "what happened to you that moment, why did you cried ? did you fell into one of those bad moments of your life? She made "no nod" in response, he asked again - is it something private? she nodded. Operator again tried to find out what was wrong, but girl said something like "do you want to play my psychologist." and he told "no. I honestly dont give a shit about it. I have a great life, and now I'll go home to the people who love me. And where are you going?" The girl, almost crying answered "nowhere ".. You cant imagine how it looked. After that I decided to stop watch that dirty shit.
Now I'm without porn for about 2 month. Sure it's not a big term, but I hope there is no turning back.
That's my story. Good luck to you guys.
I had a similar experience. I found my way to the f-a site and was absolutely horrified at myself and at what I was watching. I think I basically collapsed inward for a long time after that and wouldn't go anywhere near a real girl out of fear of what I'd think of when with her. I've been mostly free of baseline behaviour for over a year now, both through George's book and another online service - one thing I appreciate about George's stuff is how it makes you realize your own emotional loneliness when engaging in that shit. I'm in an extremely healthy relationship now - I wouldn't have been able to at this time last year.
Ganz, So glad that the book was so helpful. You might want to also work with one of my guys and let him walk you through the book. When reading it alone, many have some "selective reading." The addict self reads too and skips over some important stuff and doesn't want to do the homework. Weird how that works. You could, also, be in one of our small telephone groups or do OUR online course...neulia.com. Let me know how it goes. How good CAN you stand it? George
I am porn addicted for the last 16 years. most of the times I did it till I masturbate. the porn star I like most was Sunny Leone. I liked her because of her beautiful body structure. But after seeing her porn clips I felt tired and I did masturbation. I thought of stopping it. But I couldn't. Now I realized that I can stop it. thanks for the support.
Joseph, Good to hear from you. Try reading my book, "Breaking the Cycle." You can get it at Barnes and Noble. It works. Best, George
Breaking a porn addiction is certainly a daily struggle. I cannot take it for granted that temptations will not return because they do. So often in front of my laptop alone in my apartment there seems to be another entity inside of me compelling me to type in those magic words in the URL, but as the days turn into weeks I can sense what I would jeapordize by giving into the impulse - a more integrated, centered, powerful personality & I just cannot succumb to the lie and impotence which is the iniquity of viewing pornography.
David, Feel free to give me a call here at Compulsion Solutions or read my book, "Breaking the Cycle." It's the best selling book for a reason. It works. I'd be happy to send you the intro and first chapter at no charge. George
i think this is the beginning of a healthier life, just by stumbling across this website the urges to view pornography are diminishing. It is just mind boggling the amount of pornographic videos that linger in the minds of people everywhere. with new hope comes new success.
Hi i have been PMO free for 2 weeks now and No urges at all… But I get urges for sex But i can’t find a girl friend ..Im very attractive guy… but can’t seem to find a girl friend.. I can get one But Im not attracted to them.. So what do i do ?? I hate paying for sex.. do I just sex and PMO altogether ?? thanks please Help
Ken, Give me a call at Compulsion Solutions. I'd be happy to talk to you, personally, about alternatives. Best, George Collins, Director
Great article.You how a burden feels lighter when you read stories of people who succesfully dealtwith it.I have tried many times to quit but believe you me,i aint doing that s**t again.Seriously,itsdestroying my life.I dont want to endanger my future relationships with something i can stop now.Its now or never.
Gustavo, I'd invite you to read my book, "Breaking the Cycle" and give me a call here at Compulsion Solutions. I can help you sort this "stuff" out. Best, George Collins, Director
I've stopped watching porn for quite a while now, it didn't really like it anymore.
I still masturbate a few times per week though, focusing on the sensations and what I feel.
Sometimes if I don't really "focus" on the feeling, it's hard to stay fully aroused.
Would it be better to stop masturbation for an extended period? Or keep focusing as much on the sensation of what I'm feeling and try to kepe myself aroused without orgasm?
Jay, Tricky stuff. Give me a call here at Compulsion Solutions -- 925-932-0201. I'd be happy to talk to you about the alternatives that we prescribe for our clients. Best, George
"As Gary Wilson ofyourbrainonporn.com says: 'Sex is not the same thing as porn.' It’s the same way that playing Call of Duty on Xbox isn’t the same thing as going to war in Afghanistan."
I love the analogy.
This is a great article. I've been reading up on a lot of information regarding nofap. I definitely feel a lot stronger, confident, and more importantly happy with who I am as a person. Although i still have challenges in edging, especially in the morning, I no longer feel the need to watch pornography.
David, Great start. Have a look at my book, if you haven't already. It will give you a LOT of help in changing your mind....which is what you have to do. It's called,"Breaking the Cycle" by George Collins. It's at Barnes and Noble and amazon.com. Let me know how you like it. It WILL work. George
DAY 14 of no porn...AHHHHHHHH I was so close to relapsing today until I read this. How do I stop the the constant reel pornos in my stashed in my brain...does that go away?
Garret, Good to hear that you're trying to fight this off. Are you reading my book, "Breaking the Cycle?" Give me a call if you need more help. We're here. That's what we do. And, we're very good at it. George Collins, Director
I am sending this link to my partner, our whole relationship has been around lies about porn, we have 3 daughters and I love this man with everything I am. The whole relationship he had denied watching porn but I kept getting a gut feeling; then finding it,about 2 years later he finally confessed but promised he he'd stop because how it hurt me but last week I found it and he tried lying but yesterday said he is giving it up for good since I told him it's me or the porn because I've tried everything I try to help me if we can't have sex about 3 times a week plus sex 2-3 times a day I'm drained 3 daughters 6,2,10 months. I'm just tired, but I'm scared he has a problem with the porn but he says he doesn't and that he is giving it up but I think he's gonna slip but not tell me but I tell him I'm so proud of him; if he gets urges to let me know but I don't think he will I don't know what to say or do also I don't want to push him or hurt him or anything. Any help from men that been there would be amazing!!! I'm not willing to lose this man to porn!! Thanks and so sorry for the long post.
Carolyn, Good to hear from you. I'd be happy to talk to you and/or your husband about our programs, using my best selling book, "Breaking the Cycle" as well as life changing telephone counseling. Also, our book, "The Couples Guide to Sexual Addiction" could be KEY in creating the intimacy that you and your husband truly desire. I was a porn addict and I couldn't do it alone. Accountability is huge in overcoming this dis-ease. We're here and we know how to help you.
Best, George Collins, Director
Hi CAROLYN,
I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I am married and was addicted to online porn for 10 years. I hid it from my wife for so long - but my behaviour gave me away. It was a hard, long road to recovery with many relapses ( which is normal with any addiction) but the key is for him to not only admit it but to get professional help- it's like being an alchoholic - you can't do it alone - even though you think you can - I know, I've said it to myself so many times. Porn destroys relationships, separates families and contrary to what people say does not contribute to better sex - it degrades those who watch it, perform it and are victims of porn addiction - you, the partner. Don't ever believe the lie that those who are selfish say about porn- that it is harmless. More marriages and relationships are destroyed from porn addiction than anything else these days. PA is often leads to affiliars, deviant sexual behaviour and that often leads to rape. Thankfully, I only read about these consequences - I got help, read a lot on how to stop and have been PA free for over 6 years! Our marriage is stronger than ever and lien doesnt even come to my mind. ( I used to watch it for hours each day - I had one of the worst addictions - couldn't go a day without it! I would get a "high" and the shakes as I anticipated watching a video or seeing a pornstar posing - I loved seeing naked women - not in a sadistic way- but in a natural way- which in itself is wrong. It would eventually lead me to the road of addictiin and shame.
I felt horrible as a husband and a person - but I always told myself that I would break free from it- and with my wife's support and professional help I am free. Your husband CAN do it too - but he has to WANT to! Tell him I did and I was REALLY addicted bad. Tell him that sex does get better and better with the woman he loves not the fake women who only serve one purpose. Love is the answer - if you love someone keep trying and get the professional help. PS - masturbation does not help in getting over PA - it fuels sexual fantasies that lead to relapses. M is selfish and self defeating as it makes a person a sex object in a person's fantasy.
Joe, Thanks for your support for Carolyn. So glad to hear that you're on the other side of porn addiction. Bravo!!! George
George,
you certainly bring up some good points. My issue is as follows: I have been in a number of relationships where I have gotten my heartbroken. I have fallen in love only to be rejected by the woman I love and tossed to the side like an old newspaper. I have sought therapy for over 10 years to deal with my insecurities. It has not helped. I understand the drug that is porn. I understand that it is a vicious addictive cycle. The fact is, I still haven't heard a convincing argument to stop watching porn. I can masturbate to the most beautiful women(many of which I could not get in real life) with the most perfect bodies. The dopamine rush is a feeling like no other. Many women that I have had sex with in the past appeared to have little interest in pleasing me sexually. Their desire was their own personal satisfaction. I have left these relationships unsatisfied and heartbroken. I try to look at it from a logical stand point.
Girlfriend = heart broke, depression, total lack of control of the situation
Porn = safe from heart break, no rejection, dopamine release at my becon call, I can let women know that they are not a requirement for my happiness
JT, I hear you AND that was MY life too, until I woke up and realized that I was living in reaction to my negative sexual history. Yeah, it wasn't easy but, by doing what I needed to do, I was able to stop the porn madness, increase my self esteem, and experience the beauty of connected intimacy. I GET that you're masturbating TO all those beautiful women. But, when you're done, nobody's there. I've been there and done that. But, I encourage you to get some professional help (I did) and allow yourself the absolute pleasure of a real woman who can really BE with you....all the way. That makes porn obsolete.....really. Have you read my book, "Breaking the Cycle?" Email me at [email protected] and I'll send you the intro and first chapter for free. We work with men, via Skype and phone, from all over the world regarding these issues. Call if you feel like talking. Best, George
Thank you so much for this post. It gives me hope when I am trying to get through a tough day. This really is an addiction on many levels. I have tried other drugs and have been drinking for years and nothing has compared to the fight it takes to quit watching porn (even masturbation for that matter). I find it happens when I am stressed out. So I'm slowly changing things that stress me out into positive activities. Thanks again!
Hi Mike, So glad to hear you're making positive changes. That's terrific. Since this article was helpful, you might also want to check out my book, "Breaking the Cycle." It's available on amazon.com (type in sex addiction or porn addiction in the Amazon search bar). It's right at the top. You can also get it at Barnes and Noble stores (in the addiction section). Work it. Call us if you experience "selective reading." That's where the "addict" is reading too and skips over stuff and doesn't want "you" to do the homework. If that happens, give us a call and we'll guide (push) you through in weekly phone sessions. It works if you work it. We're right here. Best, George
tanksby god grace i m stopping today. becouse all u d effects u mession ealy looks like u are taking on me.thanks again bye
So glad to help. Don't hesitate to call us here at Compulsion Solutions for any help that you need. It seems as though we're talking about you because we've lived that life. We've just chosen, like you, a better way. Best, George
if a person can stop masturbating. you can stop watching porn. stop masturbating is the key.
Phil, I hear you AND read my book, "Breaking the Cycle," if you haven't already. Let me know what you think.
Best to you, George
It is really true , when I left watching porn I started to feel more stronger and have more time to do my job and enjoy my life 🙂 . When I was using porn , all that bad videos were living with me anywhere ! Thanks for this article
Great to get your comment. If you need further help, make sure to get a hold of or books, "Breaking the Cycle" and "The Couple's Guide to Sexual Addiction" (if you're partnered). They work. We do individual phone counseling with folks from all over the world. We also have an online course that might interest you. It's called neulia.com. Check it out. Best to you, George
Bro, just thanks man. I am now living the life I want. I have got this wonderful job, beautiful and caring wife who is much better than porn star & a lovely life. once again, thnx bro
Why would i want to replace porn with more healthy habits when i like instant gratification and dont think sex is very important in a relationship(well, at least my other half is not openly complaining yet)? More often than not "healthy" things are tasteless, boring stuff.
100% true what you have said. Great article. Sadly not everyone is aware. It should definetely be part of sex education so youngsters do not fall prey to sex.
I have already started my journey of noporn and deleted almost 35 GB of porn content.
Thanks Again
This is such a true post. I have stopped watching porn for the last 3 months and I can tell you it's a better life. I'm in front of a computer many hours a day in the privacy of my own home and have easy access but choose not to view it because I feel so much better spiritually, emotionally etc.. without it. I didn't know that I had a problem until I viewed information about the negative impacts of porn use on the person and I said to myself I fit into this mold. Porn use puts you in an emotional prison and if you keep watching it you will become the dishwasher in that prison.
i also experienced the same feeling and i think now i am much better than the previous time now i am physically fit and healthy my concentration is perfectly good now i can invest my time
Thanks, what you say is true, one can not live a false life watching pornography because it is like living in a fantasy world without limits, that ends up making you slave and leaving aside all your progress in life or your goals, even your daily goals as simple as exercise or paint the fence, and it's sad when you want to have sex discover you've lived in a world of lies.
Very true post. My marriage has seen some tough times. I did this constantly, lying to my partner, hiding, and doing it again. But stick it out and get over this, and your life will be much better, trust me.
Great motivating post. Thanks for sharing your story, Ian.
I also experienced the same benefits after recovering.
I might also add that after overcoming my addiction, I physically felt 10x better. Part of it is because I replaced my porn habit with other, more positive healthy habits, but I think there's also a physical aspect to the guilt and shame of having an addiction that doesn't get talked about much. 6 months after recovering, I felt more energetic and much less physical stress.
Keep it up bro. As the hours days and weeks go by without porn you are becoming stronger and stronger and people of both sexes will start to notice the new you.